Almost TV Shows

[Captain Haddock]

DANGERMOOSE - blimey - look at the size of the holes in the skirting board!

Or Dangermousse. DM and Penfold are up against it this time as Baron Silas Greenback concocts a killer dessert....will the duo prevail before the toad brings out the Cheeseboard Of Doom!

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Family Gay
Bringing up children to an alternative lifestyle choice

PMTV
Once monthly show in which Lorraine Kelly dramatically changes from mumsy hostess with the mostest to a raging beast, shouting abuse at a selection of celebrity guests

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Top of the Paps
Weekly breast size competition to see which lovely lady has reached number one in the tit parade


Have I Got Pews For You
Future replacement for Songs Of Praise

 

[Captain Haddock]

Around The World In 80 Gordons.

Green-fingered garden guru Monty Don travels the globe "in search of Gordons I know well and others I've heard of, from the refined to the magnificent"....and he poses the question what is the perfect Gordon?.

Episode 1: this week 'The Don' seeks to discover the secret of the perfect traditional English Country Gordon.

 

[Captain Haddock]

...and Episode 2:

Wee Gordies: Monty seeks out Gordons Brown, Strachan, Sinclair and Smith, but which will score highest?

 

[Captain Haddock]

To The Major Born.

A harrowing documentary that relates the trauma of a grey-born child.

 

[Captain Haddock]

Top Of The Plops.

Jo Whiley and Tony Blackburn count down the week's top plops, featuring live performances of 'Stool Pigeon' by Matt Bianco and 'You Wake Me Up Before You Go Go' by Wham.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Fumbles
Colourful puppet characters show nervous teenagers the pathway through their first sexual encounters

Shopwrecked
Fly on the wall documentary following Rangers fans on their recent trip to Manchester


Secret Diary of a Ball Girl
One young lady's tale of fan abuse at Withdean

 

[Mendoza]

Jewsround - £10 notes are left on the pavement outside pubs around White Hart Lane to see if Spurs fans buy drinks for their mates

 

[Captain Haddock]

Grand Designs Love.

A week-long daily event at ExCel in which Kevin McCloud repeatedly gets fruity with the lovely Melanie Sykes, using the very latest innovations and techniques.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Moose Women
A bunch of ugly, overpaid old crones discuss topical issues and titter over gynaecological problems....











...oh.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Fash In The Attic
Former Gladiators star John Fashanu searches through your unwanted junk and takes it for auction.

 

[Mendoza]

Fash In The Attic
Former Gladiators star John Fashanu searches through your unwanted junk and takes it for auction.

I thought it was going to be a SICK sequal to the death of Justin in his garage

 

[Lady Whistledown]

I thought it was going to be a SICK sequal to the death of Justin in his garage

No, I thought it diplomatic to steer clear of that one. It was either that or Gash In The Attic, which think is also best avoided


How about

How To Fook Good Naked?

 

[Titanic]

Planes of the Apes - tales of a futuristic airborne primate civilisation.

 

[Titanic]

No, I thought it diplomatic to steer clear of that one. It was either that or Gash In The Attic, which think is also best avoided

I think one of our less tactful members has already failed to avoid that one!

Hash in the Attic - hide your stash, it's the pigs!

 

[Jahooli]

Fingerboobs - Rick Jones is up to his puppet petting again...Dirty Yuffy!

 

[Seagullible]

'Alco 'Alco - comedy about a drunk french cafe owner

 

[Titanic]

Have I got Newts for you - introduced by Ken Livingstone.

 

[Jahooli]

Faktari - Dr Marsh Tracy closes his animal rescue centre to set up an Manc based record label.