brakespear
Doctor Worm
I loved Father Ted. but it's mostly the visual moments that stick in my mind such as Ted ranting and raving at the window with the small black square on it. And 'Lovely Fags'.
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A thread of classic Father Ted lines
- Thread starter Simster
- Start date
Father Dougal: Hello Len.
Bishop Brennan: Don't call me Len, you little prick. I'm a bishop!
Father Dougal: Oh right. Well done.
Bishop Brennan: Don't call me Len, you little prick. I'm a bishop!
Father Dougal: Oh right. Well done.
happypig
Staring at the rude boys
"what would you say to a nice cup of tea, father ?"
"FECK OFF CUP"
"FECK OFF CUP"
Jack: "Don't tell me I'm still on that fecking island!"
KZNSeagull
Well-known member
Bishop O'Neill: So Father, do you ever have any doubts? Is your faith ever tested? Any trouble you've been having with beliefs or anything like that?
Father Dougal: Well you know the way God made us, and he's looking down at us from heaven?
Bishop O'Neill: Yeah...
Father Dougal: And then his son came down and saved everyone and all that?
Bishop O'Neill: Uh huh...
Father Dougal: And when we die, we're all going to go to heaven?
Bishop O'Neill: Yes. What about it?
Father Dougal: Well that's the part I have trouble with!
Father Dougal: Well you know the way God made us, and he's looking down at us from heaven?
Bishop O'Neill: Yeah...
Father Dougal: And then his son came down and saved everyone and all that?
Bishop O'Neill: Uh huh...
Father Dougal: And when we die, we're all going to go to heaven?
Bishop O'Neill: Yes. What about it?
Father Dougal: Well that's the part I have trouble with!
- Thread starter
- #27
Quality! Mrs Doyle: There's always time for a nice cup of tea. Sure, didn't the Lord himself pause for a nice cup of tea before giving himself up for the world.
Father Ted: No, he didn't, Mrs Doyle!
Mrs Doyle: Well, whatever the equivalent they had for tea in those days, cake or something. And speaking of cake, I have cake!
[holds up a cupcake]
Father Ted: No, thanks, Mrs Doyle.
Mrs Doyle: Are you sure, Father? There's cocaine in it!
Father Ted: WHAT?
Mrs Doyle: Oh, no, not cocaine. God, what am I on about. No, what d'you call them. Raisins.
Cosmic Joker
The Motorik
Father Ted: Sister Assumpta, you know we really are only up for the basic booze, fags and rollerblading deal. I mean, the getting up early thing is great but.. This is water.
Sister Assumpta: That's right.
Father Ted: ....Alright, alright, having a bit of a laugh with the big thickos from the island. Where's our real breakfast?
Father Dougal: Ted, I'd love a pop-tart.
Father Ted: Yes, Father Dougal likes his pop tarts first thing in the morning.
Sister Assumpta: I really don't think pop tarts have any place in our Lord's plan for the world.
Father Ted: I think they have as much a place as anything else. Maybe our Lord doesn't take a personal interest in them but I'm sure He delegates them to someone almost as important.
Father Dougal: What about....Frosties?
Father Ted: Again, same thing: He might not have come up with the idea but He'd be the one who'd give them the green light.
Father Dougal: Oh right. But if you take something like, say, Sugar Puffs, now or Lucky Charms-
Sister Assumpta: FATHERS, COULD YOU PLEASE- Could you please stop having that conversation, finish your breakfast and come outside for your daily punishment.
Sister Assumpta: That's right.
Father Ted: ....Alright, alright, having a bit of a laugh with the big thickos from the island. Where's our real breakfast?
Father Dougal: Ted, I'd love a pop-tart.
Father Ted: Yes, Father Dougal likes his pop tarts first thing in the morning.
Sister Assumpta: I really don't think pop tarts have any place in our Lord's plan for the world.
Father Ted: I think they have as much a place as anything else. Maybe our Lord doesn't take a personal interest in them but I'm sure He delegates them to someone almost as important.
Father Dougal: What about....Frosties?
Father Ted: Again, same thing: He might not have come up with the idea but He'd be the one who'd give them the green light.
Father Dougal: Oh right. But if you take something like, say, Sugar Puffs, now or Lucky Charms-
Sister Assumpta: FATHERS, COULD YOU PLEASE- Could you please stop having that conversation, finish your breakfast and come outside for your daily punishment.
This was on the other night, pure class:-
I'm still laughing, but obviously there is a language issue, if you're at work
I'm still laughing, but obviously there is a language issue, if you're at work
This!
Also Dougal to Ted:
"Who'd have thought there were so many ways to praise God? It's like that time you told me I could praise him just by leaving the room!"
Poyetry In Motion
Pooetry Motions
Dougal: " It's like a big tide of jam Ted - only jam made of old biddys "
Quoting is great, but there's a lot in the delivery:-
Cheeky Monkey
Well-known member
- Jul 17, 2003
- 23,616
One of my favourites (the 1990s 'Opal' Ireland shirt worn to bed). Great writing.
Manx Shearwater
New member
"Oh no. Toilet Duck!"
Two Professors
Two Mad Professors
The money was just resting in my account
We're the Stripes
Well-known member
[Mrs Doyle collapses]
Eoin McLove: Brilliant - she fell on her arse!
Eoin McLove: I want to go now, it's getting dark.
Father Dougal: Ha, you're not afraid of the dark, are ya? It's only because the sun goes.. erm.. there's this.. er.. it's got something to do with clouds!
Father Dougal: What's up, Ted?
Father Ted: It's Father Finnegan, he's had a heart attack.
Father Dougal: Oh no. [casually looks towards buffet] ... Are there any more chipsticks?
Mrs Doyle: My friend Mrs O'Dwyer was robbed last week.
Father Ted: Oh no, did they get much?
Mrs Doyle: No Father, I don't think you understand. SHE was robbed - they stole HER!
Father Ted: Oh, I see.
Mrs Doyle: It's a terrible thing when an old person can't even walk down the street through fear of being stolen.
Eoin McLove: Brilliant - she fell on her arse!
Eoin McLove: I want to go now, it's getting dark.
Father Dougal: Ha, you're not afraid of the dark, are ya? It's only because the sun goes.. erm.. there's this.. er.. it's got something to do with clouds!
Father Dougal: What's up, Ted?
Father Ted: It's Father Finnegan, he's had a heart attack.
Father Dougal: Oh no. [casually looks towards buffet] ... Are there any more chipsticks?
Mrs Doyle: My friend Mrs O'Dwyer was robbed last week.
Father Ted: Oh no, did they get much?
Mrs Doyle: No Father, I don't think you understand. SHE was robbed - they stole HER!
Father Ted: Oh, I see.
Mrs Doyle: It's a terrible thing when an old person can't even walk down the street through fear of being stolen.
Dr. Notthenineo'clocknews
Remainer
Thank you for everything you did for us Michel, Good luck for the future
Is that meant to be in here?
Poyetry In Motion
Pooetry Motions
Who said that, Ted or Dougal??
Dr. Notthenineo'clocknews
Remainer
tsk, call yerself a Father Ted fan? Simster'll get it!