A thread full of helpful holiday tips

[The Clown of Pevensey Bay]

Be prepared to spend £200 a day on eating out, if going to Capri.

Or Venice.

 

[BensGrandad]

Two vital tips for travellers:

1. Scan in the id/photo page of your passport and email it to yourself. Then wherever you are in the world and your passport gets nicked, you got the details to get an emergency passport

:

I take 2 photo copies of mine and leave 1 at home and put 1 in the inside of the case.
I was advised of this by an Embassy staff member in Madrid after I had my passport stolen bya pickpocket as I was going to watch Real Madrid. It caused me immense time wasting getting a permit to fly home from Spain.

 

[Stat Brother]

Ecuador

- Don't buy Sandia (Watermelon) on the beach as they tend to soak them in dodgy water to retain an aura of freshness. This can lead to severe water poisoning, as I found out.

- Always carry ID with you as failure to produce identification will lead to your arrest and incarceration for 5 hours or so, as I found out.


Australia

- Never stray from the cycling trip group as it is quite easy to get lost in the bush and disappear for 6 hours until found by a park ranger, as I found out.

Get top notch travel insurance, if you're going away with Barrel.

 

[Johnny Crumplin Football]

Stay at home

 

[The Merry Prankster]

2. Under no circumstances go on holiday to Malta

This is a top tip. I might have capitalised the NO.

I think that over the last couple of weeks we NSCers have added "On no account go to Philadelphia" to the list.

In Ibiza beware of pickpockets. One has relieved me of my iPhone this week. Got to say I was very impressed, first time I have been pickpocketed, didn´t feel a thing. Class act.

 

[bhaexpress]

When in the U.A.E. don't have sex on a beach (the act not the cocktail).

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

When buying a carpet in Turkey, always offer a little more than the asking price to secure the sale.

 

[Gluteus Maximus]

When going on a cheese tasting trip to Switzerland, save money by drilling holes in Asda economy cheddar and taking it with you.

 

[Tooting Gull]

Don't eat puffin in Iceland, whatever the desire to try the local delicacy. It tastes like shite, costs an arm and a leg, and they probably look better sitting on a rock all cute than on your plate.

 

[Tooting Gull]

Time for a Viz top tip...

Girls. Too old to go on an 18 to 30 holiday? Simply get pissed, lie in a sand pit in your garden, and shag every bloke who looks at you over the fence.

 

[Digweeds Trousers]

Don't drink the local shot in the Moroccan market place. You will pass out and soil yourself and wake up to find small children trying to steal you underwear - even if it is dirty.

 

[Publius Ovidius]

when abroad, at least try to learn one word in the local lingo....be it please or thankyou.

Dont wear 3/4 length trousers and bright white trainers, dont wear a football shirt and dont assume as you come from England everyone likes you...they dont!

Oh and stay away from nice quiet areas like Tuscany and The Italian Lakes

 

[CHAPPERS]

When in Rome.....

 

[CHAPPERS]

If you don't know the local dialect then just shout in English, this they understand.

 

[CHAPPERS]

The age on consent in Spain is 14, meaning it's only frowned upon to bang a 12 year old.

 

[Gazwag]

You are allowed to take beach towels on holiday without Union Jack/St Georges cross emblazend on them. Said towels also dry without having to be hung over balcony.

Plain Cotton T Shirts are much better worn in hot countries than football shirts.

 

[cardboard]

look left and then right when crossing the road unless you are in a country which drives on the left

 

[CHAPPERS]

Always have a fry up for breakfast, NO MATTER WHAT.

 

[cardboard]

once the plane has touched down, immediately stand up and grab your handluggage. This will make sure you get off the plane no quicker than anyone else

 

[London Calling]

If you don't know the local dialect then just shout in English, this they understand.