A thread full of helpful holiday tips

[Frutos]

If you don't know the local dialect then just shout in English, this they understand.

If this fails, then repeat what you wish to say but louder and slower each time until they understand you.

 

[tip top]

If you don't like heights, don't go up the petronas towers in KL.

If you do, its bloody brill!

 

[Tooting Gull]

Avoid jet lag by simply taking an earlier flight, thus arriving fully refreshed and on time.

 

[Fourteenth Eye]

If you are folically challenged always wear a hat in a hot country

 

[che]

Sevilla and Cordoba

 

[johnny jigsaw]

Always, always pack a roll of soft toilet paper.

 

[SULLY COULDNT SHOOT]

When buying a carpet in Turkey, always offer a little more than the asking price to secure the sale.

ARE YOU MAD!?!?! They add 150% minimum to the cost if they think you are a tourist

TURKİSH CARPET RULES

1 - If you really want a carpet be prepared to spend a long time haggling. If its not a big issue dont bother because otherwise you get ripped off.

2 - During haggling you will be offered a variety a drinks (inc apple tea)... be careful.. sometimes they are spiked. Persoanlly I stick to water.

3 - Keep haggling until the seller gives in to exhaustion. Whatever you pay has added extra for the tourist on it.


EXAMPLE : wanted to buy a carpet.. was quoted 400 quid... tuned to my wife and said in Turkish 'too much'... when he realised from ths that I was not a tourist the price immediately went down to £200... two hours and six apple ties (not spiked) later I walked away with the saem carpet for £60. Later found it he bought it for £40.

BE WARNED!

 

[SULLY COULDNT SHOOT]

Always do the opposite of what a Parisian tells you to do... especially when you ask for directions.

Parisians hate tourists with a passion, especially those who don't speak French.

 

[CHAPPERS]

Always do the opposite of what a Parisian tells you to do... especially when you ask for directions.

Parisians hate tourists with a passion, especially those who don't speak French.

Bearing this in mind, how does one say 'thanks for nothing you cheese eating surrender monkey', in French?

 

[SULLY COULDNT SHOOT]

Bearing this in mind, how does one say 'thanks for nothing you cheese eating surrender monkey', in French?

I wish I knew... I can see a lot of uses for it.


BUGGER IT... FORGOT TO NOTICE THAT MY LAST POST WAS 3000!

 

[SULLY COULDNT SHOOT]

Babel fish suggests the following:

merci pour rien vous fromage mangeant le singe de reddition

 

[Gazwag]

once the plane has touched down, immediately stand up and grab your handluggage. This will make sure you get off the plane no quicker than anyone else

You're forgetting, switch on mobile phone and immediately text all your mates that you have landed, then grab hand luggage and stand up in aisle, if you are experienced you will beat the special bleep which lets the cabin crew out of their seats

 

[Gazwag]

When staying in hotels with less than 25% british always wear dark sunglasses, that way you can look at all the hot topless european women with be smashed in the face by their boyfriend.

When going AI give a regular tip to the barman to ensure priority serving when busy.

 

[MattBackHome]

When sitting directly in front of me on a plane, make sure that you are the only person on the whole flight who feels the need to put their seat into a reclining position, despite the fact that the flight is only 2 hours long and there's a meal coming halway through. don't forget to bash your head and shoulders against the back of your seat occasionally throughout the flight to upset any drinks I've just set down on my tray.

 

[hart's shirt]

When in the U.A.E. don't have sex on a beach (the act not the cocktail).

If you do get caught having sex on a beach in the UAE, don't verbally abuse and then attack the policeman who's trying to politely tell you not to do it.


If you've missed the final call for an Emirates flight by spending too long in the duty-free, it's not a good idea to announce to the airline staff at the departure gate that there is a bomb on board the plane.
Even though you will have succeeded in buying yourself more time through delaying the plane's departure, you will still not be allowed to board the aircraft.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

ARE YOU MAD!?!?! They add 150% minimum to the cost if they think you are a tourist

TURKİSH CARPET RULES

1 - If you really want a carpet be prepared to spend a long time haggling. If its not a big issue dont bother because otherwise you get ripped off.

2 - During haggling you will be offered a variety a drinks (inc apple tea)... be careful.. sometimes they are spiked. Persoanlly I stick to water.

3 - Keep haggling until the seller gives in to exhaustion. Whatever you pay has added extra for the tourist on it.


EXAMPLE : wanted to buy a carpet.. was quoted 400 quid... tuned to my wife and said in Turkish 'too much'... when he realised from ths that I was not a tourist the price immediately went down to £200... two hours and six apple ties (not spiked) later I walked away with the saem carpet for £60. Later found it he bought it for £40.

BE WARNED!

Oh FFS

I take it IRONY is still banned on NSC then?

SULLY you're an idiot