A heart warming tale from last night

[smudge]

remember the incident with the smellys outside the Fortune of War?

Of course. You still managed to get in Barcelona with Gaffer Tape round your shoe, which fell apart when you volleyed one of them!

 

[redneb]

This reminds me of a former colleague when she reliably formed me of a story while at Cambridge University where someone in her college got pissed, ended up in A&E and WANKED on a nurse.

He got away with it, and is apparently now a barrister.


You couldn't make it up.

and the nurse just let this person choke one out?

Oh crap you've inherited a condition from u know who known as "exagerating the truth stupidly."

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

My boss at work, little Indian fella who wouldn't normally say boo to a goose, came in one morning and told us how he'd had a right go the previous evening at a big Polish drunk who he'd caught putting a used chip wrapper in boss's bin. Big Polish drunk seemed a bit baffled by this: 'But I put paper in bin?!' he protested, not unreasonably. Whereupon boss proceeded to give him a lecture on how he'd put it in the GREEN bin for garden waste, when he should have put it in the BLUE bin for paper

 

[Vicar!]

There is a bloke who frequently parks illegally outside the pub at the bottom of our road. Literally every other time I walk past, he has yet another parking ticket so I reckon his pints cost him about £25 a pop.

So yes, I really do think shoot to kill is probably the only answer.

They register the car under a false name and address, that way they cannot be traced. Someone has used my address and I have had 17 summonses in a month, I have pointed this out to the authorities (Worthing Parking) who tell me its my problem not theirs.

 

[Hiney]

A bloke I know nicked a shirt from the Saints shop.

As his punishment, they gave him a season ticket for St Marys.

He didn't do it again.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Out of interest, to enact this sort of punishment, do they have to admit guilt ? So there's no chance of comebacks when they think about it later and claim to have been innocent.

Under the Community Resolution model, yes they do, they have to sign a form agreeing to do whatever it is they're asked to do. So it won't work for a situation where someone completely denies an offence, in which case it would be down to the police as to whether they had sufficient suspicion to justify arresting the individual.

With regard to the students mentioned above, there was no formal policy involved: I just put my scary face on and told them they had the choice of clearing up the mess they'd created, or getting nicked and spending the whole of Saturday night in noisy cells full of drunken thugs banging and screaming. I don't think they realised I knew exactly how far the trail of crap led, and they reckoned they could just pick up a couple of cones and then slink off home. But I sat in the car and followed them slowly back into town, occasionally pointing out the odd cone, roadworks sign or pile of rubbish that they'd missed. I think it's very important that these people realise the folly of their behaviour

 

[Lord Bracknell]

It's always so much funnier when "whacky stewdent" types are the recipients of this sort of justice.

When I was a student, one of my housemates got done for chucking a road sign off Marine Parade onto the footpath below. He turned up at the Magistrates Court to plead guilty and pay his £10 fine, only to find himself sharing the waiting room with a dodgy geezer who was well connected in horse racing circles. "Put your money on XXXXX in the 2.30 at Kempton" was the tip he was given. There was some scam going on and the nag came home first at 40/1. We all made a killing.

Which only goes to show that petty crime DOES pay. "Community Resolution" pah! Where are the opportunities in that?