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Peter Crouch says he is desperate for more game time after scoring yet again in a rare Stoke City outing and refreshingly in the PL world of lazy gits is prepared to move on to play regularly. Crouch has scored more Premier League goals than Dennis Bergkamp and Cristiano Ronaldo but has been...

I'm having pasta for dinner.

The breakfast pie was bit of a disaster. Disappointingly the Chicken Balti is not a regular in the ESU any more

We are rumoured (ho ho) to be among several clubs interested.

In my early twenties I was ejected from Smellhurst while watching a Man Utd match for being drunk and disorderly. I pleaded with the police to let me back in claiming that I was not a trouble maker cos I was wearing desert boots.

He's two bob!

I apologise unreservedly for my flippant remark. It seems that everyone's chuckle-o-meter is at a low ebb after a few defeats.

5' 8" is hardly immense.....

Serge Gnabry has been recalled by Arsenal and we are rumoured to be interested.

Bouncer

I hope my first grandson is called Ben.

My 19 yr old daughter offered me and the wife coffee in bed at 5.45 in the hope of getting hold of her new iPhone 6s before official prezzie opening at 9ish.

All I just want is my two front teeth. Turned out nice again Mrs!

Xmas pud, trifle and mince pies.

A visit to the wet fish stall on the beach would be right up his street.

You hum it, I'll play it.

Wish we could bring back these legends...

I do like Warren Apsinal, just wish he could speak English.