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It would appear Mr Bloom had a media day and it can come as no surprise that all the interviewers asked similar questions and that he then gave similar answers. Doesn't suit anyone with an agenda against particular journalists of course.

No

Why did you give your money for Villa and West Ham transfers?

Some Arsenal fans would finally stop whining about the rules of football.

Anyone done the £1k and a bag of tracksuits thing yet?

I thought it was common knowledge that he wasn't fit during preseason?

I suspect he had a few beers watching the football on Sunday and then just phoned it in. Got to admire the no fucks given attitude of barely more than a sentence per player too.

Bit odd they aren't near the top of the league as it stands. I assume they haven't played yet?

Brighton. Trick question.

You appear to have forgotten Trossard and Bissouma and Sanchez. Not sure they fit in either of your options. It is far more nuanced than you imply.

It is possible Mr Bloom has caught Boehlyitus.

That explains it then. PBOBE is still writing the email, obviously.

Are "druid coconut flakes" slang for magic mushrooms? No wonder you are enjoying your muesli a bit more now.

Ammunition Depot ?

You see, Lallana was often out injured too so the joke here is that Chilwell would be replacing him in the treatment room which would be a silly aspiration for the club to have.

We do need a player to replace Lallana...

Owusu could do it.

This.

Worst decision ever was to have a Player of the Season award.

I think you underestimate our allocation of knuckle-draggers. There would definitely be morons online celebrating any kind of injury to Zaha, especially if caused by an unsanctioned Brighton player. Sadly.