Your WORST ever holiday...

[Leighgull]

I have just returned ( early) from a 10 day "holiday" in a static caravan park in North Norfolk. This was my other halfs idea and was intended to give the kids a bit of freedom.

The journey up there with a car completely rammed with shit and a one year old bellowing at the top of her lungs was just the start...we arrived to find our luxury caravan which honked of stale fag smoke and a tinge of damp was decorated entirely in beige with 1980s fittings was still waiting to be cleaned so we had to hang around in a mildewed marquee for a couple of hours with some carrot crunching transvestite ( I'm not kidding) moaning about the on site showers being broken.

Our " van" was tiny and with three lively under 6 year olds and their various scooters, prams, dolls trashing the place whenever you turned your back..the digital revolution seems to have not quite reached mundesley yet so the TV was just a mass of psychedelic pixels half of the time...so no CBEEBIES...no wi fi and no phone reception.

Each night we slept in slightly damp bedding and sat looking at each other for entertainment. The area is like something from the 1950 s and the RAF jets thundering overhead all day add a little bit of excitement. The local restaurants cost a fricking fortune and EVERYONE keeps trying to force feed you Cromer crab at every meal.

By day 5 I was losing my mind with boredom..the weather forecast everywhere in the country seemed lovely but every day we were greeted by a dank sea fret and cold wind North Norfolk has a microclimate all of its own it seems. We went out with the kids every day, braved the beach and the nearby " attractions" which inspired even my most optimistic child to repeatedly request that we " go home to our real house" on a regular basis.

It goes on and on. Please cheer me up by sharing your tales of shitty vacations.

 

[Weststander]

An alleged 'cheap' alternative, but we've tried staying in (very large) park caravans over the last couple of years as a cheaper alternative holiday, and I would say 4 days is a max in the cramped surroundings, tripping over possessions and furniture. We are talking about the bigger caravans of Park, Parkdean and Haven Holidays that can hold supposedly 8 but there are only 4 of us.

True about East Anglian weather too. Despite having an arid climate, Norfolk and Suffolk coastal areas seem to have alot of bleak cold weathet compared to far further inland and S E England.

 

[Leighgull]

Oh..and we had our beach chairs (including a babies peppa pig chair) stolen by one of our fellow happy campers. Nice.

The woman over from us had a pair of old trainers covered in dogshit stolen from outside her trailer too.

 

[TheJasperCo]

I have just returned ( early) from a 10 day "holiday" in a static caravan park in North Norfolk. This was my other halfs idea and was intended to give the kids a bit of freedom.

The journey up there with a car completely rammed with shit and a one year old bellowing at the top of her lungs was just the start...we arrived to find our luxury caravan which honked of stale fag smoke and a tinge of damp was decorated entirely in beige with 1980s fittings was still waiting to be cleaned so we had to hang around in a mildewed marquee for a couple of hours with some carrot crunching transvestite ( I'm not kidding) moaning about the on site showers being broken.

Our " van" was tiny and with three lively under 6 year olds and their various scooters, prams, dolls trashing the place whenever you turned your back..the digital revolution seems to have not quite reached mundesley yet so the TV was just a mass of psychedelic pixels half of the time...so no CBEEBIES...no wi fi and no phone reception.

Each night we slept in slightly damp bedding and sat looking at each other for entertainment. The area is like something from the 1950 s and the RAF jets thundering overhead all day add a little bit of excitement. The local restaurants cost a fricking fortune and EVERYONE keeps trying to force feed you Cromer crab at every meal.

By day 5 I was losing my mind with boredom..the weather forecast everywhere in the country seemed lovely but every day we were greeted by a dank sea fret and cold wind North Norfolk has a microclimate all of its own it seems. We went out with the kids every day, braved the beach and the nearby " attractions" which inspired even my most optimistic child to repeatedly request that we " go home to our real house" on a regular basis.

It goes on and on. Please cheer me up by sharing your tales of shitty vacations.

If it's any consolation, my worst holiday was similar in many ways to what you've described. Just substitute North Norfolk for Cornwall.

 

[nwgull]

Weeks camping in North Wales with my ex-wife. I actually like camping, but not with someone I ****ing hate.

 

[seagullsovergrimsby]

I have just returned ( early) from a 10 day "holiday" in a static caravan park in North Norfolk. This was my other halfs idea and was intended to give the kids a bit of freedom.

The journey up there with a car completely rammed with shit and a one year old bellowing at the top of her lungs was just the start...we arrived to find our luxury caravan which honked of stale fag smoke and a tinge of damp was decorated entirely in beige with 1980s fittings was still waiting to be cleaned so we had to hang around in a mildewed marquee for a couple of hours with some carrot crunching transvestite ( I'm not kidding) moaning about the on site showers being broken.

Our " van" was tiny and with three lively under 6 year olds and their various scooters, prams, dolls trashing the place whenever you turned your back..the digital revolution seems to have not quite reached mundesley yet so the TV was just a mass of psychedelic pixels half of the time...so no CBEEBIES...no wi fi and no phone reception.

Each night we slept in slightly damp bedding and sat looking at each other for entertainment. The area is like something from the 1950 s and the RAF jets thundering overhead all day add a little bit of excitement. The local restaurants cost a fricking fortune and EVERYONE keeps trying to force feed you Cromer crab at every meal.

By day 5 I was losing my mind with boredom..the weather forecast everywhere in the country seemed lovely but every day we were greeted by a dank sea fret and cold wind North Norfolk has a microclimate all of its own it seems. We went out with the kids every day, braved the beach and the nearby " attractions" which inspired even my most optimistic child to repeatedly request that we " go home to our real house" on a regular basis.

It goes on and on. Please cheer me up by sharing your tales of shitty vacations.

Why didn't you go to Wild Park

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

I had a week in France with a new girlfriend about 13 years ago. Nice lady if you like bunny boiler style. Decided to break up as soon as we arrived at the gite we were staying at in France and I then spent an inordinate amount of the "holiday" running (marathon training for my first one in NY 2000) so I could get out of the gite on my own. The gite was on a farm with lots of animals and a few cats used to wander into our place. She accused me within 4 hours of arrival of thinking more of the cats than of her. She was right. The Frenchies then decided to have a petrol blockade and I had a panic attack of being stuck there for ever and ever. In the end I couldn't wait to split up until we were back in the UK and so I told her we needed some time apart in the car park at Calais ferry terminal. It did make the journey home a bit odd but hey ho. The plus side was that I did my first marathon in 3.57 thanks to all the training I did.

Weeks camping in North Wales with my ex-wife. I actually like camping, but not with someone I ****ing hate.

 

[El Sid]

A week in Butlins, Minehead, in a Noddy theme hut.
Still haunts me.

 

[Thunder Bolt]

A week at Cheddar in a tent with two kids and dog. It rained all day, every day. By Friday lunchtime we'd had enough and packed everything up soaking wet and went home to dry out.

 

[Mackenzie]

My 4 year old son contracting bacterial laryngitis in Majorca and ending up on a drip was pretty memorable.

 

[Luke93]

Has to be the oven campsite outside of Portsmouth. There were overflowing bins NEXT to the tent pitches everywhere. Showers were third world status. People there looks dodgy as if they wanted to punch people. It felt like a council estate equivalent of a camp site. There was also rabies infected dogs running around the swimming area.

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

My second worst was when in Sorrento and my pregnant wife was rushed to the local hospital in an emergency. Thought we had lost the baby ( we hadn't) but after a night in hospital she was confined to bed in the hotel. I was given the task of administering hormone replacements via a 3 inch needle in her buttocks twice a day for 5 days. A bit like darts but avoiding the bullseye at all times.

My 4 year old son contracting bacterial laryngitis in Majorca and ending up on a drip was pretty memorable.

 

[South Stand Bonfire]

Camping in Fratton Park off season?

Has to be the oven campsite outside of Portsmouth. There were overflowing bins NEXT to the tent pitches everywhere. Showers were third world status. People there looks dodgy as if they wanted to punch people. It felt like a council estate equivalent of a camp site. There was also rabies infected dogs running around the swimming area.

 

[happypig]

Went camping with some mates in Torquay many years ago. Pitched the tent in what we though was a prize spot on a small, flat-topped mound. It would have been too had it not rained heavily and we came back to find that the flat top was slightly concave and all our stuff was floating in three inches of water. We threw everything back in the car and came home.

 

[lawros left foot]

A week in Bude, with a couple my missus was friends with, who were in the first stages of a very nasty divorce, she had found out he had had an affair, on our first day there, unfortunately, we had used their car only, so we were stuck in a two bedroom cottage with them for the whole week, and the rain never stopped. I have never been happier to get back to work and i will never go on holidays with "friends" again.

 

[pishhead]

A weekend with friends in Amsterdam was ruined by a particularly nasty ex. Ended up breaking up with her on the flight home. Also a weeks all inclusive in some hole in majorca, ended up coming home after 2 days.

 

[Cian]

Lessons to be taken from this thread so far: Don't go on holidays with anyone, ever; and never camp. Seem sensible enough to me.

 

[Gwylan]

A week in Barcelona. I was on my own but I've had lots of holidays on my own so that didn't bother me - Barcelona being such a hell hole did. I've never seen such a miserable place - there seemed to be a druggie or a prostitute on every corner. Struggled to find anywhere to eat or drink - there are plenty of bars and restaurants but it was impossible to get served in them, ended up buying food from supermarkets and eating in my hotel.

After a couple of days, I abandoned my hotel (that had been paid for), caught the train to France and spent the rest of the week in a more civilised country, eating and drinking to my heart's content, returning to Spain on the day before my flight back. I spent the night in Girona which restored my faith in Spain somewhat. But I certainly have no intention of returning to Barcelona, a sort of Spanish version of Croydon.

 

[Leighgull]

I will never, ever set foot inside another caravan. It's like a small, shit, house where everything is like it is at your own house but just not as good. Some of the characters I came across in Norfolk go there every fricking year. Quite a few of them own their own caravan which they have filled with their gear...can't begin to think what they see in this proposition. I'd rather eat my own faeces.

 

[willyfantastic]

definite trend emerging