[Humour] Your favourite one liners

[darkwolf666]

Winston Churchill, on being described by a female detractor as being disgustingly drunk...

"My dear, you are ugly, and what's more you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I will be sober, but you will still be disgustingly ugly."

 

[RossyG]

I think the first post should’ve contained the definition of what a one-liner actually is.

 

[Is it PotG?]

Velcro, what a rip off.

 

[Baker lite]

Lady Astor:Winston, if you were my husband I’d poison your tea.
Churchill: Nancy, of you were my wife I’d drink it.


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[AmexRuislip]

Lady Astor:Winston, if you were my husband I’d poison your tea.
Churchill: Nancy, of you were my wife I’d drink it.


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That was said at Cliveden

 

[darkwolf666]

I think the first post should’ve contained the definition of what a one-liner actually is.

Pedant

 

[Stat Brother]

I think the first post should’ve contained the definition of what a one-liner actually is.

Shirley it depends on how wide your paper is.

 

[Is it PotG?]

So, do you mean that the whole gag is one line, or the sharp, witty and cutting response to a probing question is one line?

 

[banjo]

Last week I went to Philadelphia but it was closed.

 

[albionfan37]

https://youtu.be/v4Gu3PhmNUc

 

[Bold Seagull]

Of course there is the legend Eddo Brandes, the chicken farmer who batted at 11 for Zimbabwe, was surviving in entirely haphazard fashion when asked: "Eddo, why are you so fat?" Brandes promptly replied: "Because every time I **** your wife, she gives me a biscuit."

 

[Uh_huh_him]

I don't like country music, but I don't wish to denigrate anyone who does.
And for those that like country music, denigrate means to put down..

Not strictly a one liner.

 

[Is it PotG?]

 

[Uh_huh_him]

Those who believe in telekinetics, raise my hand.

 

[Is it PotG?]

I think women who say that size doesn't matter are shallow.

 

[Stat Brother]

Emo Phillips:-

"When I was 11 my family moved to Idaho"
"When I was 13 I found them".

 

[Questions]

​

‘I never forget a face, but for you I’m willing to make an exception’

Who else but the master.....

 

[tronnogull]

4 year old boy is having a bath and starts thinking about his genitals.
' Mummy, are these my brains ?'
' No son.............................................................not yet '

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

Have you any other jolly tales of the 1940s?

Is that what blokes in their 20's used to say in the 1940's then Harry?
I had no idea.

 

[burnee54]

Last week I went to Philadelphia but it was closed.

​

‘I never forget a face, but for you I’m willing to make an exception’

Who else but the master.....

Remind me to join a club in the morning and beat you over the head with it.

or

How much would it cost to have you stand at the wrong end of a shooting gallery?

or

I could dance with you until the cows come home.
On second thoughts, you go home and I'll dance with the cows.

or

Groucho: Is your husband really dead or is he just using that as an excuse?
Margret Dumont: He died in my arms.
Groucho: Ahh, so you admit it was murder.


The one and only.

GM

and I don't mean Glenn Murray.