[Misc] Your epitaph

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Funnily enough Tubby, his first effort has just arrived on the fax machine:

And it seems to me you lived your life
Between Brighton and Berlin
Never knowing who to cling to
When you couldn't get a table in Cin Cin
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your craft beer went off long before
My Stella ever did

 

[wellquickwoody]

I want to have my corpse fired out of a cannon, landing on the pitch at Selhurst Park in the middle of a game, putting everyone off their chips.

My epitaph can just be scrawled onto my forehead in sharpie.

My previous instructions to the wife were to scatter my ashes lovingly over the tills at Toys R Us on the Goldstone at 3pm on the last Saturday before Xmas.

Will have to think of something else now.

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

Don't want a headstone, don't even want a funeral. direct cremation scatter my ashes at sea and let my family spend the funeral money on something they want.

Creamations and burials at sea cost a fair bit. They might have enough for a new hat or something.

I my grandad didn’t set aside any funeral money always saying “just leave me out for the bin men” let me tell you, that is NOT an option. Took an awful lot of explaining that did.

 

[Bodian]

We hate Palace!

Can I have that on a tombstone?

Don't see why not. I was once discussing stuff in the pub with my local methodist minister, and he said something like 'hope Leeds lose - bloody hate them'. I picked him up on this and said that surely in his position he should be thinking about the 10 commandments and the biblical teachings to love thy neighbour and see the good in everyone. His response was 'Yes, that's true - but there's nothing in the bible about not being able to hate Leeds United'.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

Funnily enough Tubby, his first effort has just arrived on the fax machine:

And it seems to me you lived your life
Between Brighton and Berlin
Never knowing who to cling to
When you couldn't get a table in Cin Cin
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your craft beer went off long before
My Stella ever did

Is that you Elton?

 

[Seasidesage]

Funnily enough Tubby, his first effort has just arrived on the fax machine:

And it seems to me you lived your life
Between Brighton and Berlin
Never knowing who to cling to
When you couldn't get a table in Cin Cin
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your craft beer went off long before
My Stella ever did

Pure Genius I bow before your Magnificents

 

[Mr H]

I didn't see that coming

 

[banjo]

Poor old Fred smoked in bed.

 

[British Bulldog]

Creamations and burials at sea cost a fair bit. They might have enough for a new hat or something.

I my grandad didn’t set aside any funeral money always saying “just leave me out for the bin men” let me tell you, that is NOT an option. Took an awful lot of explaining that did.

How much can it cost to have your body taken straight off to be burned? then your ashes sprinkled off the side of a pier or harbour when the tide is going out?

 

[Cpt. Spavil]

I might have what my favourite voice artist has.

That's All folks

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

How much can it cost to have your body taken straight off to be burned? then your ashes sprinkled off the side of a pier or harbour when the tide is going out?

That depends whether you’ve got a mate with a furnace and access to a resealable lid, like an old ice cream container or a couple of empty pringles tubes.

Don’t try to burn a corpse in your back garden as the oily black smoke and smell of roasting human flesh can ruin a neighbours washing if it’s hung out at the time.

It’s definitely one for the professional if a reputable local provider (such a Ian Hart funerals if you’re in the Worthing area....for example).

As far as sprinkling in the oggin make sure you check local tides to avoid dumping charred human offal on bathers/small children/metal detectorists but I imagine, if one were careful, you could cut costs even further by taking a well weighted corpse far out to sea in the dead of night and just push the body overboard from a small dinghy or...for the acutely cash strapped...a li-lo or inflatable Simpsons themed doughnut type platform.

You have not been charged for this advice.

Kind regards

Martin Lewis
Martin.lewis@moneysavirngexpert.net

 

[Worried Man Blues]

Brighton after I die

 

[Bevendean Hillbilly]

How much can it cost to have your body taken straight off to be burned? then your ashes sprinkled off the side of a pier or harbour when the tide is going out?

That depends whether you’ve got a mate with a furnace and access to a resealable lid, like an old ice cream container or a couple of empty pringles tubes.

Don’t try to burn a corpse in your back garden as the oily black smoke and smell of roasting human flesh can ruin a neighbours washing if it’s hung out at the time.

It’s definitely one for professional help if it’s a reputable local provider (such a Ian Hart funerals directors if you’re in the Worthing area for example)

As far as sprinkling in the oggin make sure you check local tides to avoid dumping charred human offal on bathers/small children/metal detectorists but I imagine, if one were careful, you could cut costs even further by taking a well weighted corpse far out to sea in the dead of night and just push the body overboard from a small dinghy or...for the acutely cash strapped...a li-lo or inflatable Simpsons themed doughnut type platform.

You have not been charged for this advice.

Kind regards

Martin Lewis
Martin.lewis@moneysavirngexpert.net

 

[Goldstone1976]

Not again!

 

[British Bulldog]

That depends whether you’ve got a mate with a furnace and access to a resealable lid, like an old ice cream container or a couple of empty pringles tubes.

Don’t try to burn a corpse in your back garden as the oily black smoke and smell of roasting human flesh can ruin a neighbours washing if it’s hung out at the time.

It’s definitely one for professional help if it’s a reputable local provider (such a Ian Hart funerals directors if you’re in the Worthing area for example)

As far as sprinkling in the oggin make sure you check local tides to avoid dumping charred human offal on bathers/small children/metal detectorists but I imagine, if one were careful, you could cut costs even further by taking a well weighted corpse far out to sea in the dead of night and just push the body overboard from a small dinghy or...for the acutely cash strapped...a li-lo or inflatable Simpsons themed doughnut type platform.

You have not been charged for this advice.

Kind regards

Martin Lewis
Martin.lewis@moneysavirngexpert.net

The Ian harts of the world are what I am avoiding to be honest, for direct cremation you don't need a funeral director. your body goes direct from morgue to furnace and your ashes come back to your family. funeral directors are a bit like estate agents, they cost a fortune for something you don't really need.

 

[Bry Nylon]

Brighton after I die

Like that! That’s what I’m having.

 

[Deportivo Seagull]

Mostly harmless


Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

 

[DavidinSouthampton]

Don't see why not. I was once discussing stuff in the pub with my local methodist minister, and he said something like 'hope Leeds lose - bloody hate them'. I picked him up on this and said that surely in his position he should be thinking about the 10 commandments and the biblical teachings to love thy neighbour and see the good in everyone. His response was 'Yes, that's true - but there's nothing in the bible about not being able to hate Leeds United'.

Speaking as a Methodist and a local preacher, I love it!!

Jesus would have told them not to covet their Premier League rival’s star young centre back!!

 

[Live by the sea]

Don't want a headstone, don't even want a funeral. direct cremation scatter my ashes at sea and let my family spend the funeral money on something they want.

What a horrible thought . It’s very important for family members to have proper closure .

 

[British Bulldog]

What a horrible thought . It’s very important for family members to have proper closure .

Why is it a horrible thought? you die and just when family get used to the idea they have to go through it again with a funeral?