[Humour] Your best Karma stories

[portlock seagull]

Following the “nasty” side to these stories... when I worked for The Met we had one customer, who was frequently arrested for a variety of gang related offences, in each of his custody photos he had his eyes closed and his cheeks puffed out, effectively making his custody photos useless - he got his brains blown out by someone he peed off after double crossing them in a drug deal! That wiped the silly look off his face...

Brilliant ‘GUESS-WHO’ Karma! Keep em coming...

 

[jonnyrovers]

Got a detention off a boy (prefect) one year older than me for being 1 minute late. A year later he was dead (brain haemmorhage). The ****.

Next level karma that. Long game karma.

 

[Questions]

Following the “nasty” side to these stories... when I worked for The Met we had one customer, who was frequently arrested for a variety of gang related offences, in each of his custody photos he had his eyes closed and his cheeks puffed out, effectively making his custody photos useless - he got his brains blown out by someone he peed off after double crossing them in a drug deal! That wiped the silly look off his face...

Ah now I see why you couldn’t condemn those twatish coppers at Palace. You were one of them once. All together boys.

 

[Weststander]

This was 12 years ago, two members of a gang of happy-slappers at Imperial Arcade, ended up in hospital.



Similarly, in two separate incidents in 2001 and 2003, Duncan Ferguson caught burglars in his home, and each time put them in hospital.

 

[Birdie Boy]

No, we’ll take that ‘cause it’s a bloody lovely ‘REVERSE-Karma’ story. Well played BB, what we all now want to hear is you won several million with the ticket?!

Unfortunately, I only got one number.

 

[AmexRuislip]

There was this older guy at school who used to take the mickey out of my surname.
Obviously I did stick up for myself in ways of the dark side.
But the karma kicked in, when this gimp started to lose his hair, whilst still at school, eventually having the mother of all comb overs.
Boy did he look a tw@t

 

[el punal]

Throughout my life, everyone who has ever crossed me has come a cropper. Generally in proportion to how annoyed or inconvenienced I felt at the time. Harsh maybe. But.....fair

Incidentally when I put people on NSC on ignore, I'm doing them a massive favour.

How long have you been employed as The Grim Reaper? I’m intrigued to know if they provide you with the uniform of black hooded cloak and scythe, or do you have to purchase it from a recommended retailer?

 

[Birdie Boy]

How long have you been employed as The Grim Reaper? I’m intrigued to know if they provide you with the uniform of black hooded cloak and scythe, or do you have to purchase it from a recommended retailer?

The always ultras have a deal on them.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

How long have you been employed as The Grim Reaper? I’m intrigued to know if they provide you with the uniform of black hooded cloak and scythe, or do you have to purchase it from a recommended retailer?

 

[Megazone]

I was bullied by a kid for 5 years at school. He made my life a living hell.

a few years after finishing school, I saw him running for a bus and missing it.

Karma is sweet.

 

[smudge]

Alex Pritchard.

 

[happypig]

Had a bloke in court once for domestic assault. He looked a bit worse for wear and it turned out his ex-girlfriend's big brother was serving member of the Parachute regiment who'd "had a word".

I did also hear of a defendant that tried to escape from the dock, fell 10 feet and broke his neck.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

Someone peeed me off today to the point I might invest in a voodoo doll and pins.

Cheer me up with some karma, comeuppance stories where the good guys do eventually win!

I think this is one of the best.

When I was a young lad my bike was stolen. I found out who took it, but couldn’t prove it. The guy stole it, rode home, and dumped it in the river Ouse. The guy also goaded me about this a few times at school. Fast forward a few years he was in The Argus, the victim of an industrial accident. He was using a saw in a plastic mouldings factory but being the cocky **** he was didn’t put the guard down. His hand was very very badly severed. Peter won’t be stealing bikes again.

 

[portlock seagull]

I think this is one of the best.

When I was a young lad my bike was stolen. I found out who took it, but couldn’t prove it. The guy stole it, rode home, and dumped it in the river Ouse. The guy also goaded me about this a few times at school. Fast forward a few years he was in The Argus, the victim of an industrial accident. He was using a saw in a plastic mouldings factory but being the cocky **** he was didn’t put the guard down. His hand was very very badly severed. Peter won’t be stealing bikes again.

Almost retro law karma, where a chopped hand was the price for theft. Which is fair enough

 

[portlock seagull]

Had a bloke in court once for domestic assault. He looked a bit worse for wear and it turned out his ex-girlfriend's big brother was serving member of the Parachute regiment who'd "had a word".

I did also hear of a defendant that tried to escape from the dock, fell 10 feet and broke his neck.

Saves on Rope I guess?

 

[Easy 10]

 

[Durlston]

There was this young chap who worked in a bookies. He was a cocky little shit, enjoyed seeing me lose and if I won, he'd say under his breath: "You lucky c*nt". I'd never done anything to upset him then one day he came in with a bruised face with black eyes, split lip after a night out in Brighton. He'd lost all his confidence and it was great to see. Every time the door opened he jumped out of fright.

So a big thank you to whoever gave that five-star c*ck a proper hiding.

 

[Durlston]

Throughout my life, everyone who has ever crossed me has come a cropper. Generally in proportion to how annoyed or inconvenienced I felt at the time. Harsh maybe. But.....fair

Incidentally when I put people on NSC on ignore, I'm doing them a massive favour.

I will never upset you, Harry.

 

[DavidRyder]

One night after work maybe about 10 years ago, the trains in London were all being cancelled (I can't remember which reason of the many choices it was). At Victoria, the concourse was full, the trains were rare. So if you saw one going in your general direction, it was advisable to squeeze on. My rare train was announced, which saw scenes befitting the start of a Primark sale on Oxford Street. Manners went out the window as it was every person for themselves. In front of me was a pushy type (literally), so I was delighted when his mobile got knocked out of his hand by someone's bag, across the edge of the platform and went under said train! So he couldn't get on, and would have to wait to get his phone back. Oh, and have to wait ages for the next train. Lovely stuff.

 

[Hampden Park]

stayed overnight in an oppo's house in plymouth, him and his missus asked me to pop to the shop to get some beer, i duly obliged. i (which was not very often) didn't fancy a drink so i purchased myself some freshly squeezed orange juice (large cartons x 2). i went for a dump upon my return. when i came out of the bog they giggled and said that phil had seen off both of the orange juice cartons. i then had to have beer instead. karma = he shat the bed, too much orange juice, his missus was a little loud running around his house covered in shite.