[Drinking] Work Christmas parties

[Happy Exile]

Reading the Amateur Drinking thread, and with the Bell cheeses at Work thread being a favourite of mine, just wondered if there's some unholy Venn diagram crossover opportunity for tales of the worst/most cringesome/most outrageous work Christmas parties.

My contribution: there was a place where we went out for a team lunch paid for by the company. Very much a team where people got on OK most of the time but outside the office it was a bit awkward. We had a budget of something like £40 a head for 12 of us for lunch, everyone stuck within it except one woman who kept ordering cocktails (where others would get a diet coke or nurse a pint) and got completely hammered, then she decided to order mulled wine and then prosecco for everyone (3 or 4 bottles) even though several people weren't drinking at all for preference or driving or medication.

When the bill came, with service added too, it was over £150 over our team budget and she tried to insist that the difference should be split equally because the extra drinks had been for everyone. The pay differential in the team was wide, with a lot of junior staff and she was one of the higher earners. It went down like the proverbial lead balloon, most refused to contribute, she claimed her Christmas had been ruined, and I don't think the team ever really recovered.

 

[Bakero]

Years ago, I had a work night out on a Thursday. This was an end of summer do, rather than Christmas.

A good time was had by all and I hopped on the 2am bus back from Brighton to Lewes. Being slightly inebriated, I promptly fell asleep and, predictably, I was awoken by the driver who informed me we were in Uckfield and it was about 3:30am. My vain search for a taxi was quickly given up and I resigned myself to a night sleeping rough. A bench didn't pass muster so I ended up kipping between a wall and fence behind the station, which, despite the gravel floor was rather comfortable.

Anyway, I woke up at 6ish, got the bus back to Lewes, fed the dogs, and bussed it back into Brighton for a day's work. When I got there I discovered my rough night had been thoroughly exceeded by a colleague, a woman in her late 40s, who had bottled someone and spent the night in the cells.

 

[timbha]

Reading the Amateur Drinking thread, and with the Bell cheeses at Work thread being a favourite of mine, just wondered if there's some unholy Venn diagram crossover opportunity for tales of the worst/most cringesome/most outrageous work Christmas parties.

My contribution: there was a place where we went out for a team lunch paid for by the company. Very much a team where people got on OK most of the time but outside the office it was a bit awkward. We had a budget of something like £40 a head for 12 of us for lunch, everyone stuck within it except one woman who kept ordering cocktails (where others would get a diet coke or nurse a pint) and got completely hammered, then she decided to order mulled wine and then prosecco for everyone (3 or 4 bottles) even though several people weren't drinking at all for preference or driving or medication.

When the bill came, with service added too, it was over £150 over our team budget and she tried to insist that the difference should be split equally because the extra drinks had been for everyone. The pay differential in the team was wide, with a lot of junior staff and she was one of the higher earners. It went down like the proverbial lead balloon, most refused to contribute, she claimed her Christmas had been ruined, and I don't think the team ever really recovered.

What a great start to what I hope will be a popular thread. Even a sticky??

 

[HeaviestTed]

Reading the Amateur Drinking thread, and with the Bell cheeses at Work thread being a favourite of mine, just wondered if there's some unholy Venn diagram crossover opportunity for tales of the worst/most cringesome/most outrageous work Christmas parties.

My contribution: there was a place where we went out for a team lunch paid for by the company. Very much a team where people got on OK most of the time but outside the office it was a bit awkward. We had a budget of something like £40 a head for 12 of us for lunch, everyone stuck within it except one woman who kept ordering cocktails (where others would get a diet coke or nurse a pint) and got completely hammered, then she decided to order mulled wine and then prosecco for everyone (3 or 4 bottles) even though several people weren't drinking at all for preference or driving or medication.

When the bill came, with service added too, it was over £150 over our team budget and she tried to insist that the difference should be split equally because the extra drinks had been for everyone. The pay differential in the team was wide, with a lot of junior staff and she was one of the higher earners. It went down like the proverbial lead balloon, most refused to contribute, she claimed her Christmas had been ruined, and I don't think the team ever really recovered.

Sounds like she got what she deserved.

 

[Weststander]

A worked briefly for a very small professional firm owned by a young entrepreneur. So that it looked good on social media/Linkedin content, he arranged for our Xmas do at the posh Institute of Directors. Where you share tables with other business folk, some lovely demure women on our table.

He couldn't handle booze at all, unlike this experienced campaigner. After just two drinks he was shouting random expletives such as "cu*t" and didn't know he was doing it! He also didn't have a volume button. The rest of us cringed.

He then took us to an exclusive bar off Regent Street, where this carried on. So much so that colossal Russian doormen circled and asked us to leave.

Thanks AS .... what a crap night, because of you.


Regarding the money side, I've a slightly different view from the OP. The worst thing is a tight fisted person who turns the paying bit into a protracted scientific exercise of theirs should be £12.41 less because they only had two drinks. Fun killer. Loved it when they went home and everyone else moved on to pubs/clubs.

 

[Bakero]

Another one just came to mind. Now this was a Christmas party and again I was slightly inebriated.

If I remember correctly, we'd been to a few pubs in the Lanes and as we were entering what I believe is now the Mesmerist, the bouncer wanted to search my bag. For reasons known only to my intoxicated self, I refused, and before I knew it was involved in an undignified scuffle with the bouncers. At this point, my colleagues had entered and I was, of course, sent on my merry way.

After that, I met up with my sober brother who listened to me rage at the unfairness of it all and my plans for revenge on those dastardly doormen. Several pints later, I'd managed to talk him into joining me in my vengeance. Luckily, some friends turned up at that point and persuaded us going to the Concorde would be a better idea.

En route I decided to hurdle the barrier on central reservation by the Sealife centre, clipped my foot and crash landed on the other side. Just a flesh wound, I announced, and we proceeded to the club, followed by an after party, train to Lewes and into the Lansdown. At some point Saturday afternoon I noticed my hand was rather swollen and rather bruised. I was in no mood for a trip to A&E so went home to bed.

The following morning I had to call in sick and make my way to the hospital. I'm not sure my manager believed my story about breaking my scaphoid bone playing basketball seeing as she'd observed my altercation with the door staff and had the text messages asking her to let me into the bar I'd been refused entry to

Fortunately, young me wasn't one for embarrassment and no one brought it up when I returned to work on the Tuesday

 

[Superphil]

Can’t remember the last time I had a works Xmas do, probably around 1999 or before, didn’t know companies really still did that kind of thing.

I’ve always worked for small manufacturing companies, 30-50 staff, and what I do remember is the ‘them and us’ attitude between the production and administrative staff invariably, after a few too many ‘free’ drinks, lead to a bad atmosphere, and I guess the enthusiasm for such events has died out. For some reason they put up a Christmas tree in our reception, we have about 2 visitors a month to our building, utterly pointless waste of tinsel. The sooner it’s all over the better. Humbug.

 

[timbha]

Our firm’ bosses decided a pub quiz was what staff wanted for the Xmas do. The ultra competitive dept heads formed a senior mgt team. After each round each team’s runner had to hand in their answers sheet.

After a few drinks a chirpy chappy in our team devised a cunning plan. He filled in a spare answer sheet with ridiculously wrong answers, headed it with the name of the dept head’s team, and kindly offered to hand in the dept head’s answer sheet (after exchanging it for the wrong one). Get my drift.

When that round’s scores were announced, 0/20 for you know who, it caused all sorts of arguments and that was the end of the quiz. Thankfully!

 

[Bry Nylon]

It was the NSC Moderators Christmas Party this weekend just gone.

Mindful of costs, Bozza kept it low-key this year, so it was just two days at the Salle Belle Epoque in the Hotel Hermitage, Monte Carlo.

Most of the budget went on champagne, escorts, massages, oysters, cocaine and roulette and whatever was left over we just squandered.

 

[Papak]

It was the NSC Moderators Christmas Party this weekend just gone.

Mindful of costs, Bozza kept it low-key this year, so it was just two days at the Salle Belle Epoque in the Hotel Hermitage, Monte Carlo.

Most of the budget went on champagne, escorts, massages, oysters, cocaine and roulette and whatever was left over we just squandered.

Were any Premier League refs in attendance?

 

[clapham_gull]

It was the NSC Moderators Christmas Party this weekend just gone.

Mindful of costs, Bozza kept it low-key this year, so it was just two days at the Salle Belle Epoque in the Hotel Hermitage, Monte Carlo.

Most of the budget went on champagne, escorts, massages, oysters, cocaine and roulette and whatever was left over we just squandered.

and Gregg Wallace left early.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

I worked at the Pav Tav in 1980 and the Christmas lunch was a boozy affair.

Someone started telling jokes.

Up steps Ron, the bloke who taxied the barmen home after the evening shift.

"This seven food n*gg*r walks into a bar"......

Silence.

Some of us studied our food.

Others looked surreptitiously at the young black woman who worked in the kitchen, a much-loved colleague....

Ron clocks the landscape.

"Sorry love, no offense.

Anyway, this seven foot n*gg*r walks . . . ."

Upon which the situation became too much, and many of us were weeping with laughter - at Ron, not with Ron, you understand.

The actor John 'Aden' Gillet was among the throng.
If he ever proposed any sketches for the Harry Enfield prog (in which he appeared), "the racist driver ay the Christmas lunch" never made the cut....

 

[Berty23]

Work Christmas lunches are not like they used to be. The stuff that went on in my job straight out of uni in 2002 would see people sacked and cancelled (as they probably should be tbh). I swear the yoof don’t drink stupidly like we used to. It is probably for the best because some awkward moments followed.

 

[WATFORD zero]

A worked briefly for a very small professional firm owned by a young entrepreneur. So that it looked good on social media/Linkedin content, he arranged for our Xmas do at the posh Institute of Directors. Where you share tables with other business folk, some lovely demure women on our table.

He couldn't handle booze at all, unlike this experienced campaigner. After just two drinks he was shouting random expletives such as "cu*t" and didn't know he was doing it! He also didn't have a volume button. The rest of us cringed.

He then took us to an exclusive bar off Regent Street, where this carried on. So much so that colossal Russian doormen circled and asked us to leave.

Thanks AS .... what a crap night, because of you.


Regarding the money side, I've a slightly different view from the OP. The worst thing is a tight fisted person who turns the paying bit into a protracted scientific exercise of theirs should be £12.41 less because they only had two drinks. Fun killer. Loved it when they went home and everyone else moved on to pubs/clubs.

After years of being cornered by pissed young kids telling me why they 'deserved a promotion and a pay rise' I realised what is was like on the other side.

I remember a Xmas dinner in a private dining room at the IOD where we were hosted by Michael Howard (don't ask, long story). We spent a lot of time with Sandra Howard who was absolutely stunning, charming and brilliant company, both me and Mrs Wz went home completely besotted by her.

I can hear the conversation in their hotel afterwards, "who were those horrendous Mile Oak and Glasgow council estate couple, thank you so much for keeping them away from me'. Turns out it was her job, that she was very good at

 

[Super Steve Earle]

A worked briefly for a very small professional firm owned by a young entrepreneur. So that it looked good on social media/Linkedin content, he arranged for our Xmas do at the posh Institute of Directors. Where you share tables with other business folk, some lovely demure women on our table.

He couldn't handle booze at all, unlike this experienced campaigner. After just two drinks he was shouting random expletives such as "cu*t" and didn't know he was doing it! He also didn't have a volume button. The rest of us cringed.

He then took us to an exclusive bar off Regent Street, where this carried on. So much so that colossal Russian doormen circled and asked us to leave.

Thanks AS .... what a crap night, because of you.


Regarding the money side, I've a slightly different view from the OP. The worst thing is a tight fisted person who turns the paying bit into a protracted scientific exercise of theirs should be £12.41 less because they only had two drinks. Fun killer. Loved it when they went home and everyone else moved on to pubs/clubs.

Always a downer when people all want to pay just for their individual menu rather than a straight split. I don't mind paying a bit more than I've consumed for a good evening. But equally, some people feel pressured to go, or go along not to be party pooppers. Unfortunately, I've also been to a few where certain individuals take advantage of the equal split agreed beforehand to go large on the food and get twatted at the expense of the non-drinkers or drivers.

 

[Normal Rob]

Work Christmas lunches are not like they used to be. The stuff that went on in my job straight out of uni in 2002 would see people sacked and cancelled (as they probably should be tbh). I swear the yoof don’t drink stupidly like we used to. It is probably for the best because some awkward moments followed.

Well come on then? No point saying it, but not saying it...

 

[GT49er]

Oh for the halcyon days of the annual "Oops, we shouldn't have done that" drunken shag.........

 

[happypig]

Late 80s I worked with a knobhead who was also a proper tightarse. At the Christmas do we'd all chipped in for the food and a decent amount of vino. Knobhead alternated between swilling red wine and bragging about the "Brand new Rover 216 VANDEN PLAS" he'd picked up the week before, "YEAH, TOP OF THE RANGE MATE, WHITE LEATHER INTERIOR".
End of the evening and we're all well lubricated but Knobhead is absolutely leathered, due in no small part to him making sure he'd drunk more than he paid for.
Knobhead's wife arrives in the ROVER VANDEN PLAS to take him home, he gets in and promptly vomits all over the WHITE LEATHER INTERIOR.

 

[A1X]

Last year our work do was on the same night as the Brentford game. One of my colleagues is a big sport better and decided to use my inside knowledge as to who would score for us in that game. Not following the game or knowing much about what was going on I went for the same option and suggested Joao Pedro.

He wasn’t delighted when he found out Jack Hinshelwood had got the winner, but I was!

 

[sparkie]

Gold.

Thread 'An emotional apology to all.' https://nortr3nixy.nimpr.uk/threads/an-emotional-apology-to-all.42216/