******* women and cars

[spongy]

My stupid dozey fiance properly funked up today.

She's got a vauxhall astra on at 03 plate. The 1.4 gutless one.

On start up the valves click for 30 seconds or so until oil has been pulled up from the sump. It's not supposed to but due to hydraulic lifter seals wearing a bit it always has done. I've just told her to keep an eye on her oil level and keep it topped up.

Today at lunch she's checked her oil as the oil warning light came on yesterday. And the dipstick said it was on MAX. She was on a slight hill so thought the reading was a bit off.

This had all happened unknowing to me but this evening she's phoned me really upset saying the car was playing up on her way home from work, billowing white smoke out the exhaust and no power with juddering. This is when she's decided to tell me that she checked the oil. Saw it on MAX but thought it was wrong so put "the rest of the oil from the container" into the filler cap.

When I questioned her as to how much "the rest" was she said "about a quarter"

Seeing as it's a 5l bottle I reckon that's over a litre overfilled. So I've jumped in my car and driven the 8ish miles to meet her and have a look.

I've checked the dipstick and the reading is about 2" over max.

She was on her way to the childminder to pick up our daughter so I've told her to take mine to get her and I'll try and limp hers to home so I can drain the excess out. I got about a mile, I daren't drive it any further. The smoke and smell was horrific and I was crapping it thinking the piston rings might go or the engine will blow so I've pulled into a lay-by and phoned a friend to bring some tools to help me drain the excess out there and then.

All well and good you may think but the previous owner has rounded off the sump plug so I can't drain it.

So I've been sitting in a lay-by freezing my tips off waiting for the RAC to turn up and tow the car to my work car park.

So instead of working tomorrow morning I've got to take half a day off to try and get this sump plug out and do an oil change in the hope something more serious hasn't happened.

What a ******* dozy cow.

I've always told her to check oil when it's been warmed up a bit and on a flat Road. Not when the engine is stone cold on a bloody hill. And never go above max. Ever.

Did she listen? Did she ****. I'm fuming.

And this after last year when she went to top up her coolant and put 2 litres of coolant in the oil filler cap and drove to bloody 15 miles to work!!!!!!

Aarrgghh. ****ING stupid stupid stupid bint.

 

[Wrong-Direction]

I've always wondered how women get on with checking oil, anti freeze etc..

 

[sussex_guy2k2]

I hate to be all politically correct but I've met women that know about cars (and football!) and other "manly" stuff.

So it isn't women in general that don't know about cars, it's YOUR woman that doesn't know about cars.

Maybe teach her what she needs to know and explain it in terms she'll understand I.e. You'll buy her less pretty things for Christmas for every time she does something idiotic.

 

[Mr Putdown]

From what you say, your piston rings are ****ed.

 

[5mins-from-amex]

A good pair of mole grips will get the sump plug moving.

 

[Giraffe]

A woman? Driving? Good gracious.

 

[vegster]

After this tale I'm starting to see the regular game of Petrol Bingo I played with my ex wife in a new light.

 

[SIMMO SAYS]

My stupid dozey fiance properly funked up today.

She's got a vauxhall astra on at 03 plate. The 1.4 gutless one.

On start up the valves click for 30 seconds or so until oil has been pulled up from the sump. It's not supposed to but due to hydraulic lifter seals wearing a bit it always has done. I've just told her to keep an eye on her oil level and keep it topped up.

Today at lunch she's checked her oil as the oil warning light came on yesterday. And the dipstick said it was on MAX. She was on a slight hill so thought the reading was a bit off.

This had all happened unknowing to me but this evening she's phoned me really upset saying the car was playing up on her way home from work, billowing white smoke out the exhaust and no power with juddering. This is when she's decided to tell me that she checked the oil. Saw it on MAX but thought it was wrong so put "the rest of the oil from the container" into the filler cap.

When I questioned her as to how much "the rest" was she said "about a quarter"

Seeing as it's a 5l bottle I reckon that's over a litre overfilled. So I've jumped in my car and driven the 8ish miles to meet her and have a look.

I've checked the dipstick and the reading is about 2" over max.

She was on her way to the childminder to pick up our daughter so I've told her to take mine to get her and I'll try and limp hers to home so I can drain the excess out. I got about a mile, I daren't drive it any further. The smoke and smell was horrific and I was crapping it thinking the piston rings might go or the engine will blow so I've pulled into a lay-by and phoned a friend to bring some tools to help me drain the excess out there and then.

All well and good you may think but the previous owner has rounded off the sump plug so I can't drain it.

So I've been sitting in a lay-by freezing my tips off waiting for the RAC to turn up and tow the car to my work car park.

So instead of working tomorrow morning I've got to take half a day off to try and get this sump plug out and do an oil change in the hope something more serious hasn't happened.

What a ******* dozy cow.

I've always told her to check oil when it's been warmed up a bit and on a flat Road. Not when the engine is stone cold on a bloody hill. And never go above max. Ever.

Did she listen? Did she ****. I'm fuming.

And this after last year when she went to top up her coolant and put 2 litres of coolant in the oil filler cap and drove to bloody 15 miles to work!!!!!!

Aarrgghh. ****ING stupid stupid stupid bint.

Is she good in bed though

She told me you were a bit of a dipstick

 

[5mins-from-amex]

You should always check oil levels when the engine is cold as this gave a true indictation of how much oil was in the sump.

 

[spongy]

From what you say, your piston rings are ****ed.

I really hope they're not. I'm seriously hoping that the oil that has got through into the combustion chambers is enough so it has released enough pressure to save it. She drove about 5 miles.

A good pair of mole grips will get the sump plug moving.

I hope so. That's my first job tomorrow morning when I get to the car. But it's an alloy sump plug. I'm just hoping that the monkey that overtightened it in the first place hasn't overtightened so much I have to smash the crap out of it.

Is she good in bed though

Course she is. We wouldn't have been together for 10 years and have a daughter if she wasn't. ;-)

 

[TomandJerry]

Wheel loose?

 

[spongy]

You should always check oil levels when the engine is cold as this gave a true indictation of how much oil was in the sump.

I know that, realised after I posted and re read it. Just whenever I've done an oil change I've warmed it a bit so it's more fluid and easier to drain.

 

[Dick Head]

Derby though, eh?

 

[studio150]

With 12 month service intervals these days im sure there are many from both sexes that dont check anything under the bonnett and jyst rely on warning lights

 

[Waynflete]

My stupid dozey fiance properly funked up today.

She's got a vauxhall astra on at 03 plate. The 1.4 gutless one.

On start up the valves click for 30 seconds or so until oil has been pulled up from the sump. It's not supposed to but due to hydraulic lifter seals wearing a bit it always has done. I've just told her to keep an eye on her oil level and keep it topped up.

Today at lunch she's checked her oil as the oil warning light came on yesterday. And the dipstick said it was on MAX. She was on a slight hill so thought the reading was a bit off.

This had all happened unknowing to me but this evening she's phoned me really upset saying the car was playing up on her way home from work, billowing white smoke out the exhaust and no power with juddering. This is when she's decided to tell me that she checked the oil. Saw it on MAX but thought it was wrong so put "the rest of the oil from the container" into the filler cap.

When I questioned her as to how much "the rest" was she said "about a quarter"

Seeing as it's a 5l bottle I reckon that's over a litre overfilled. So I've jumped in my car and driven the 8ish miles to meet her and have a look.

I've checked the dipstick and the reading is about 2" over max.

She was on her way to the childminder to pick up our daughter so I've told her to take mine to get her and I'll try and limp hers to home so I can drain the excess out. I got about a mile, I daren't drive it any further. The smoke and smell was horrific and I was crapping it thinking the piston rings might go or the engine will blow so I've pulled into a lay-by and phoned a friend to bring some tools to help me drain the excess out there and then.

All well and good you may think but the previous owner has rounded off the sump plug so I can't drain it.

So I've been sitting in a lay-by freezing my tips off waiting for the RAC to turn up and tow the car to my work car park.

So instead of working tomorrow morning I've got to take half a day off to try and get this sump plug out and do an oil change in the hope something more serious hasn't happened.

What a ******* dozy cow.

I've always told her to check oil when it's been warmed up a bit and on a flat Road. Not when the engine is stone cold on a bloody hill. And never go above max. Ever.

Did she listen? Did she ****. I'm fuming.

And this after last year when she went to top up her coolant and put 2 litres of coolant in the oil filler cap and drove to bloody 15 miles to work!!!!!!

Aarrgghh. ****ING stupid stupid stupid bint.

I'm a man and I haven't the faintest idea what you're talking about.

 

[TomandJerry]

With 12 month service intervals these days im sure there are many from both sexes that dont check anything under the bonnett and jyst rely on warning lights

I need to check my car at least once a month, simply because I don't know if the warning lights are working or not issues of owning a classic car

 

[5mins-from-amex]

I need to check my car at least once a month, simply because I don't know if the warning lights are working or not issues of owning a classic car

I have to check oil every week on my Alfa...

 

[Dave the OAP]

What is all this checking stuff? Isn't that you pay the garage to do?

 

[spongy]

I need to check my car at least once a month, simply because I don't know if the warning lights are working or not issues of owning a classic car

I have to check oil every week on my Alfa...

I'm always checking mine and playing and fiddling with it. I've been tuning mine for 18 months (when funds allow) and got from 225bhp to 290bhp. Just need a 3" downpipe and sports cat then I can change map and should hit the magic 320bhp. But that's a different story...

I've still got the hump with her at the minute.

 

[5mins-from-amex]

I'm always checking mine and playing and fiddling with it. I've been tuning mine for 18 months (when funds allow) and got from 225bhp to 290bhp. Just need a 3" downpipe and sports cat then I can change map and should hit the magic 320bhp. But that's a different story...

I've still got the hump with her at the minute.

But what about your cars...