herecomesaregular
We're in the pipe, 5 by 5
A few close shaves when backpacking:
- I was on my own in Malaysia early October 2001 (in a small town near Batu caves, feeling like the only Westerner around after 9/11 and the anthrax scare) when over lunch in a cafe where no-one spoke English, I got chatting to an elderly Malaysian gentleman who said he'd fought in the British Army. A pleasant conversation ensued, interrupted only by a few barked orders from him to the locals. After about 20 minutes a sad looking young boy arrived at the table. The old fecker smiled and nodded, I was confused for a few seconds before realising he was in fact offering this lad up to me. Strange situation to find oneself in. I was bloody angry and insulted but had to get myself out of there pronto without offending anyone as I suddenly felt quite alone. Sad that this seemingly nice old boy, who probably hadn't served at all in the British army, assumed that was the reason I was there.
- Later same trip, my female friend (on her way to Turkey, to get up the duff by a waffle seller as it turned out, unbeknown to her family) met me in Malaysia. To save on costs I had only taken a rather old copy of Lonely Planet and we checked into a cheap hostel. Except we had trouble checking in as they didn't speak English and it turned out since the publishing of this tatty LP it had turned into a whorehouse. They got rather angry and we got rather confused so left and only after speaking to the owner of another place did the penny drop. Later in the trip, this friend and I had a massive, proper East Ender-y, shouty row in the streets of Singapore (ending with me walking away and "How dare you leave me here unprotected in Singapore!" #probablythesafestcityintheworld) and we went our separate ways. To this day, I regret not selling her to that whore house.
- Finally, at the full moon party on Ko Pangnan (?) in Thailand '99 my mate was very close to having relations with a Thai ladyboy in the trees by the beach. Thankfully, while we were pissing ourselves watching, she realised that she could avoid the sexy-stuff and just take his wallet from his pocket, empty it and hand it back to him, while he stood swaying. 25 years later he swore it never happened, funny how you can convince yourself and genuinely change your own memories.
I miss backpacking and having all the time in the world to explore.
- I was on my own in Malaysia early October 2001 (in a small town near Batu caves, feeling like the only Westerner around after 9/11 and the anthrax scare) when over lunch in a cafe where no-one spoke English, I got chatting to an elderly Malaysian gentleman who said he'd fought in the British Army. A pleasant conversation ensued, interrupted only by a few barked orders from him to the locals. After about 20 minutes a sad looking young boy arrived at the table. The old fecker smiled and nodded, I was confused for a few seconds before realising he was in fact offering this lad up to me. Strange situation to find oneself in. I was bloody angry and insulted but had to get myself out of there pronto without offending anyone as I suddenly felt quite alone. Sad that this seemingly nice old boy, who probably hadn't served at all in the British army, assumed that was the reason I was there.
- Later same trip, my female friend (on her way to Turkey, to get up the duff by a waffle seller as it turned out, unbeknown to her family) met me in Malaysia. To save on costs I had only taken a rather old copy of Lonely Planet and we checked into a cheap hostel. Except we had trouble checking in as they didn't speak English and it turned out since the publishing of this tatty LP it had turned into a whorehouse. They got rather angry and we got rather confused so left and only after speaking to the owner of another place did the penny drop. Later in the trip, this friend and I had a massive, proper East Ender-y, shouty row in the streets of Singapore (ending with me walking away and "How dare you leave me here unprotected in Singapore!" #probablythesafestcityintheworld) and we went our separate ways. To this day, I regret not selling her to that whore house.
- Finally, at the full moon party on Ko Pangnan (?) in Thailand '99 my mate was very close to having relations with a Thai ladyboy in the trees by the beach. Thankfully, while we were pissing ourselves watching, she realised that she could avoid the sexy-stuff and just take his wallet from his pocket, empty it and hand it back to him, while he stood swaying. 25 years later he swore it never happened, funny how you can convince yourself and genuinely change your own memories.
I miss backpacking and having all the time in the world to explore.
