[Humour] What will be the next panic buy/shortage ?

[clapham_gull]

The soundcast of the nurse who had been working all day in a Covid ward, only to find her local store stripped bare by entitled moronic hoarders was, for me, the most shameful moment of Covid chapter 1.

I made a commitment to not chase fuel this week. **** it. I don't want to live like a rat.

Weirdest one for me was flour. Supermarkets never ran out of bread.

Most of that flour ended up in the bin.

Now that was annoying cos I make my own bread all the time. I was looking for other stuff online (not lockdown related) and found that a Chinese supermarket I'd been to a few times had flour branded with a dragon or something. Rang them up and they posted a load to me. It came from Holland....

Now the flour wasn't bread flour but (because I make bread) I had a large bag of gluten which you add to wholemeal or low protein flour to improve it. Add a teaspoon or so to plain flour and it converts it to bread flour. I also had ample yeast as well. Not the silly little packets, but 500g worth.

So I'm now basically a small time bakery supplier.

A work colleague was going crazy with boredom, so I suggested making some bread for the first time, but of course all of the ingredients were unavailable. No worries, I'll post you some.

"How ?"

Well, I got a kitchen machine pack machine. Basically, I can vacuum pack stuff flat that will go in a large envelope and it will go in the post box, even a kilo of flour.

So off I went, vacuum packing yeast, gluten and flour. The gluten and the flour into thick A4 size very hard see through packed blocks and the yeast into a much smaller wallet sized block.

However, I soon realised what I had done. Rather than bread ingredients, before me was cocaine (the flour), a side order of unidentified horse tranquiliser (the gluten) and a cheeky freebie of heroin (the yeast) offered purely as a "taster".

It didn't just look dodgy, it was straight out of a film set. I sent a picture to my colleague and we seriously debated whether I should send it.

Well I did (next day delivery) and almost three weeks later it turned up (a few miles down the road) after being opened, thoroughly sniffed and re-sealed by the post office.

It's probably my enduring memory of the madness of the lockdown.

 

[Bry Nylon]

Weirdest one for me was flour. Supermarkets never ran out of bread.

Apparently, the issue wasn’t a shortage of flour but a shortage of flour in retail-sized packets when demand sky-rocketed in Lockdown 1.

The vast majority of flour is bulk delivered to commercial bakeries and the millers didn’t have the flexibility to adjust their production lines quickly enough to react to a sudden uptick in demand for 2lbs bags.

If you’d wanted 18 tonnes of strong white bread flour delivered by bulk tanker, chances are you’d probably have been ok.

 

[clapham_gull]

Apparently, the issue wasn’t a shortage of flour but a shortage of flour in retail-sized packets when demand sky-rocketed in Lockdown 1.

The vast majority of flour is bulk delivered to commercial bakeries and the millers didn’t have the flexibility to adjust their production lines quickly enough to react to a sudden uptick in demand for 2lbs bags.

If you’d wanted 18 tonnes of strong white bread flour delivered by bulk tanker, chances are you’d probably have been ok.

Well for the first few weeks or so, you could buy huge bags/sacks off the tinternet, but they were being bought up too. I knew I could convert plain to bread flour, but then the "I'm bored, lets try baking thing" kicked in and the plain flour ran out too.

Even the Poles freaked out and their shops were cleaned out.

Luckily I found the Chinese supermarket which buys cheap flour from Holland and rebrands it as "Chinese"

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Weirdest one for me was flour. Supermarkets never ran out of bread.

Most of that flour ended up in the bin.

Now that was annoying cos I make my own bread all the time. I was looking for other stuff online (not lockdown related) and found that a Chinese supermarket I'd been to a few times had flour branded with a dragon or something. Rang them up and they posted a load to me. It came from Holland....

Now the flour wasn't bread flour but (because I make bread) I had a large bag of gluten which you add to wholemeal or low protein flour to improve it. Add a teaspoon or so to plain flour and it converts it to bread flour. I also had ample yeast as well. Not the silly little packets, but 500g worth.

So I'm now basically a small time bakery supplier.

A work colleague was going crazy with boredom, so I suggested making some bread for the first time, but of course all of the ingredients were unavailable. No worries, I'll post you some.

"How ?"

Well, I got a kitchen machine pack machine. Basically, I can vacuum pack stuff flat that will go in a large envelope and it will go in the post box, even a kilo of flour.

So off I went, vacuum packing yeast, gluten and flour. The gluten and the flour into thick A4 size very hard see through packed blocks and the yeast into a much smaller wallet sized block.

However, I soon realised what I had done. Rather than bread ingredients, before me was cocaine (the flour), a side order of unidentified horse tranquiliser (the gluten) and a cheeky freebie of heroin (the yeast) offered purely as a "taster".

It didn't just look dodgy, it was straight out of a film set. I sent a picture to my colleague and we seriously debated whether I should send it.

Well I did (next day delivery) and almost three weeks later it turned up (a few miles down the road) after being opened, thoroughly sniffed and re-sealed by the post office.

It's probably my enduring memory of the madness of the lockdown.

How did we ever win the war?

 

[clapham_gull]

How did we ever win the war?

By as I found out, with help from the Poles.

 

[The Clamp]

Belgian biscuits.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

By, as I found, with help from the Poles.

 

[Bry Nylon]

Belgian biscuits.

That’s the one I’m dreading, if I’m being honest.

“Dad? What will we do if the country runs out of luxury continental biscuits?”

“Godammit - give me a break kids. Can’t you see I’m trying to figure something out?!”

 

[robinsonsgrin]

im hoping it is chocolate..... 6 months or so... would help with the willpower...

 

[clapham_gull]

Canned tomatoes, I'd forgotten about that one.

 

[The Clamp]

That’s the one I’m dreading, if I’m being honest.

“Dad? What will we do if the country runs out of luxury continental biscuits?”

“Godammit - give me a break kids. Can’t you see I’m trying to figure something out?!”

It’s going to be nightmarish

 

[clapham_gull]

That’s the one I’m dreading, if I’m being honest.

“Dad? What will we do if the country runs out of luxury continental biscuits?”

“Godammit - give me a break kids. Can’t you see I’m trying to figure something out?!”

Turkish supermarket near me, which is basically a world deli. They have the best stuff from all over the world and specialise in this kind of stuff.

PM me and I'll vacuum pack some Belgium chocolate biscuits and stick it in the post box pre-paid "next day".

The Post Office will invariably think I've shat in an envelope so expect three weeks for delivery.

 

[The Clamp]

I feel desperately sorry for supermarket workers this Christmas. They are going to get dogs’ abuse. I hope they get paid well and get a bloody good bonus.

 

[Skuller]

I was clearing out a shed last year, and came across loads of bags of tea-lights that someone must have left there years ago. I won't need to join the merry rush.

And I still have the family oil lamp that me & my sisters did our homework to in the winter of discontent when we had the planned fuel outages.

I don’t wish to be picky (well, I suppose I do a little), but the “planned fuel outages” (three day week and planned power cuts) were in 1974 under the Heath government, while the “winter of discontent” (strikes, unburied bodies) was in 78/79 under Callaghan. Don’t know how we survived the seventies really.

 

[Blue3]

There clearly is no shortage of

Yes I noticed that shelves that normally had corned beef were instead occupied with tins of Spam !

Wonderful Spam Spam Spam and Spam

 

[rogersix]

I just thought I'd mention it, but NSC is not reflective of the UK in general and the country is unlikely to go short on this information.

Just something I have noticed over the years.........................

the uk in general would definitely vote for a pig in a blanket mouldy......................................

 

[Simster]

Ooh, take your pick. Turkey, beef, pigs in blankets, medicines. Don't rule out cheese either.

Then after Christmas I reckon there might be a shortage of people admitting they voted Brexit and that this is the Brexit they voted for. Although I can think of a few simpletons on NSC we could give away to anyone who wants one. The ones shouting "bUt eVry cuontRY is hAvInG ishOos"

 

[lawros left foot]

Is this for the business or for yourself personally ? Morrisons periodically do a Turkey leg/thigh in a pack for about a fiver, its good value for money, the thigh is great slow roasted but the leg has an awful lot of tendons so its better for soup.

It might be a case of buying whatever we can for Crimbo now.. thus causing yet more panic buying !

It’s for my business.

Personally, if I never ate Turkey again, I’d be happy.

 

[atfc village]

I feel desperately sorry for supermarket workers this Christmas. They are going to get dogs’ abuse. I hope they get paid well and get a bloody good bonus.

Sadly in my experience they don't and won't.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

Do people actually buy ready-made pigs in blankets?

The working class do, so I read once.

Very true, personally, too many is never enough.