[Humour] What was your mother’s or father’s weapon of choice

[The Clamp]

I find this a fascinating subject. In only one generation a sea-change has taken place regarding how parents interact with their children. In the middle classes, hitting children has gone from being so acceptable that adults could whack other people's children. Not just teachers but next door neighbours, coppers, strangers. To parents recoiling in horror at the thought of taking a wooden spoon to their kids.

Also attitudes to children in general have transformed. Take a day out for example. Apart from birthdays, a family day out was dictated by where my Mum or Dad wanted to go. Steam fairs, canals, museums etc. All the stuff kids find boring. Especially in those days as they were set up for adults. No interactive areas for kids or stuff for kids to do. But we went where the adults wanted and we might, might, get an ice cream or a novelty pencil sharpener from the gift shop IF we hadn't moaned too much on the way round.
I remember turgid, never ending days of being dragged round some of the most boring (for a kid, I like them now), national trust gardens, miniature villages and folk museums 1980's UK had to offer.
Now entire days out are 100% dedicated to what kids want to do and the adults might get ten mins peace to have a cuppa if they have a few sheckles left after forking out for all manner of over-priced treats and activities for their offspring.
You'd think parents would want to thrash their kids more these days, considering how much more time and money is dedicated to the desires of their little darlings.
But an absolutely remarkable change in attitude in the space of thirty or so years.

 

[Invicta]

Not at all from my parents. At school canes and slippers happened and throwing of board rubbers, chalk and many other projectiles but I largely avoided them all !

Great the world has hopefully moved on from this stuff.

 

[Weststander]

It’s difficult really because kids do wind you up and you do get angry and my lad in particular is such a reincarnation of me it’s scary - you can kind of see things as if through your own father’s eyes. But like you say, no matter what they’ve done wrong it’s not a fair ‘fight’ when they’re less than half your weight and size.

I definitely have a different relationship with my kids, that’s for sure. I think it would be easy to misconstrue their attitude towards me as respecting me less than I respected my dad - they say things to me on occasion that I’d never have dreamed of. But I’m not sure that’s true - they just fear me less, in fact they don’t ‘fear’ me at all.

But I don’t think that’s really such a bad thing.

I’ve got lucky, but I think I made it. They respect me. I was firm when I had to be, we’re the boss when it comes down to it ... don’t let them rule you!

Definitely stressful for all parents eg when they’re bullied or lonely at school, refusing to go to bed, not doing homework.

My wife gets the rudeness ..... ironically, she has the temper and can be harsh with them in the moment. Perhaps that’s telling in itself.

Are you friends with your kids? I’m accused of that (it’s bad, apparently), but I like it, we get on well and chat about all sorts.

 

[Poojah]

I’ve got lucky, but I think I made it. They respect me. I was firm when I had to be, we’re the boss when it comes down to it ... don’t let them rule you!

Definitely stressful for all parents eg when they’re bullied or lonely at school, refusing to go to bed, not doing homework.

My wife gets the rudeness ..... ironically, she has the temper and can be harsh with them in the moment. Perhaps that’s telling in itself.

Are you friends with your kids? I’m accused of that (it’s bad, apparently), but I like it, we get on well and chat about all sorts.

They’re only six and four, so we don’t get too deep and meaningful, but yeah we’re friends.
They can be hilariously funny little people, both intentionally and unintentionally - I enjoy their company.

I think it’d be a shame if I didn’t, really.

 

[maffew]

I was threatened with bars of soap to wash my mouth out if I swore, so I never did. ****ing make up for it now though

 

[Weststander]

I find this a fascinating subject. In only one generation a sea-change has taken place regarding how parents interact with their children. In the middle classes, hitting children has gone from being so acceptable that adults could whack other people's children. Not just teachers but next door neighbours, coppers, strangers. To parents recoiling in horror at the thought of taking a wooden spoon to their kids.

Also attitudes to children in general have transformed. Take a day out for example. Apart from birthdays, a family day out was dictated by where my Mum or Dad wanted to go. Steam fairs, canals, museums etc. All the stuff kids find boring. Especially in those days as they were set up for adults. No interactive areas for kids or stuff for kids to do. But we went where the adults wanted and we might, might, get an ice cream or a novelty pencil sharpener from the gift shop IF we hadn't moaned too much on the way round.
I remember turgid, never ending days of being dragged round some of the most boring (for a kid, I like them now), national trust gardens, miniature villages and folk museums 1980's UK had to offer.
Now entire days out are 100% dedicated to what kids want to do and the adults might get ten mins peace to have a cuppa if they have a few sheckles left after forking out for all manner of over-priced treats and activities for their offspring.
You'd think parents would want to thrash their kids more these days, considering how much more time and money is dedicated to the desires of their little darlings.
But an absolutely remarkable change in attitude in the space of thirty or so years.

Agree with all your insights.

The ONE bad thing is that my generation overly protect and wait on them.

Stranger danger and not wanting your kid killed on the roads, means that 90% of kids now don’t wander in woods or derelict buildings, explore, build bonfires, make camps. By age ten I was doing this on my own or with mates often miles from home. My parents never knew where I was, took any interest, as long as I was home for dinner.

By eleven, through primary school, the Scouts and from mum, we knew how to sew, clean shoes, carry out some bike repairs. My kids and their mates years beyond that age are waited upon, they lack practical skills.

We parents have created this.

 

[Weststander]

They’re only six and four, so we don’t get too deep and meaningful, but yeah we’re friends.
They can be hilariously funny little people, both intentionally and unintentionally - I enjoy their company.

I think it’d be a shame if I didn’t, really.

Mine are teens.

For many years I made sofa camps with them and joined in, turned all the lights out in a darkened room with pitch black pillow fights, plus all fun in the snow we often get up here. They still recall all that.

Have fun.

 

[ozzygull]

Back of a hand right across the face. Funny I never felt the need ever to smack my daughter. I did confiscate her mobile and gave her and old Nokia to take to school in case I or she needed me. I rang her while on the school bus so all her friends saw it. I think she would have preferred the quick slap round the face to be honest.

 

[The Clamp]

Agree with all your insights.

The ONE bad thing is that my generation overly protect and wait on them.

Stranger danger and not wanting your kid killed on the roads, means that 90% of kids now don’t wander in woods or derelict buildings, explore, build bonfires, make camps. By age ten I was doing this on my own or with mates often miles from home. My parents never knew where I was, took any interest, as long as I was home for dinner.

By eleven, through primary school, the Scouts and from mum, we knew how to sew, clean shoes, carry out some bike repairs. My kids and their mates years beyond that age are waited upon, they lack practical skills.

We parents have created this.

Agree. I was always out on my bike or playing in the fields and lakes nearby. On weekends or school holidays we would often be turfed out of the house with a packed lunch and a flask with the parting words "I don't want to see you back before dinner time".
If an accident befell us, fell off the bike or out of a tree, knocked teeth out etc we used to ring on the nearest doorbell and they'd patch us up or walk us home, ring the bell and leave us on the step.
Nobody worried about knocking on a neighbours house, getting a plaster on the knee, a penguin bar and sent back out.

It was my Gran that spoiled us, my parents largely let us get on with it.

Kids these days do tend to shit themselves at the idea of god forbid, walking to school or popping down the shops to get your mum's fags

 

[Weststander]

Agree. I was always out on my bike or playing in the fields and lakes nearby. On weekends or school holidays we would often be turfed out of the house with a packed lunch and a flask with the parting words "I don't want to see you back before dinner time".
If an accident befell us, fell off the bike or out of a tree, knocked teeth out etc we used to ring on the nearest doorbell and they'd patch us up or walk us home, ring the bell and leave us on the step.
Nobody worried about knocking on a neighbours house, getting a plaster on the knee, a penguin bar and sent back out.

It was my Gran that spoiled us, my parents largely let us get on with it.

Kids these days do tend to shit themselves at the idea of god forbid, walking to school or popping down the shops to get your mum's fags

With all that 70’s/80’s freedom, we also got up to a lot of ‘stuff’ over many years, some the wrong side of the law. Nothing serious.

 

[The Clamp]

With all that 70’s/80’s freedom, we also got up to a lot of ‘stuff’ over many years, some the wrong side of the law. Nothing serious.

Quite. All fairly harmless in the big scheme of things.

 

[Mexican Seagull]

Wooden spoon from mum at home, though more a warning to keep my elbows off the table at lunch or dinner.... At Varnedean Grammer school I always remember one of the Latin teachers who was an amazing shot with chalk fired from his model roman catapult and then there were a couple of teachers who could get quite violent - especially the history teacher who had been a concientous objector in the war ....

 

[joydivisionovengloves]

My Dad used his fists.

I've not seen him for 30 years.

Good riddance.

 

[Tokyohands]

Mum = The silent treatment

Dad = I only got smacked a couple of times that I remember but I thoroughly deserved it!

 

[albionfan37]

Not that it happened often but normally a crack round the bum or back of legs mainly it was the threat of worse punishment or I’ll be off to the children’s home which was normally plenty to get me back in line

 

[Justice]

Never met my real mother or father probably would of been c.unts. My worst a foster mother once tried to drown me in the bath when I was very young so much for the care system.

Some horrific stories on this thread.

 

[Insel affe]

Actually re reading this thread, there are some horrible stories (foster home one, I can relate to and that’s a whole sick world and best left alone) and forgive me I find it difficult to give a thumbs up on particular posts, not because I don’t empathise, it just seems wrong to give a thumbs up.

Following on from my thread and thinking about the past, the beatings are done and dusted, the pain gone, the wounds healed.

The worst weapon of choice and had the greatest impact that follows me round even to this day I still can hear him.
I’m talking...
Emotional abuse, the “your mum f*cked off because your a retard and were a mistake”... “you’ve held me back”... “why can’t you be like your step brothers”... “your so stupid, you must get it from your mum”...
Also just the treatment, one thing that stuck with me silly really, we went to a relatives and they were making sandwiches for us kids for tea, they started spreading butter on the bread... “wow there” says my dad “come on don’t waste butter on Martin” he friggin meant it.
Little things...

Probably explains why I’m a little bit defensive, and like my own company the majority of the time.
Thank god I have a beautiful wife and daughter, they are my world now.

 

[Poojah]

Actually re reading this thread, there are some horrible stories (foster home one, I can relate to and that’s a whole sick world and best left alone) and forgive me I find it difficult to give a thumbs up on particular posts, not because I don’t empathise, it just seems wrong to give a thumbs up.

Following on from my thread and thinking about the past, the beatings are done and dusted, the pain gone, the wounds healed.

The worst weapon of choice and had the greatest impact that follows me round even to this day I still can hear him.
I’m talking...
Emotional abuse, the “your mum f*cked off because your a retard and were a mistake”... “you’ve held me back”... “why can’t you be like your step brothers”... “your so stupid, you must get it from your mum”...
Also just the treatment, one thing that stuck with me silly really, we went to a relatives and they were making sandwiches for us kids for tea, they started spreading butter on the bread... “wow there” says my dad “come on don’t waste butter on Martin” he friggin meant it.
Little things...

Probably explains why I’m a little bit defensive, and like my own company the majority of the time.
Thank god I have a beautiful wife and daughter, they are my world now.

Forgive me as I did give you a thumbs up, mainly because you ended it on a beautiful note.

I do empathise about the emotional side of things being worse in many ways though, and not necessarily just from family remembers. I remember getting thrown out of a class at school and the teacher started laying into me in the corridor. “Your sister never used to do this, you’ll never achieve what she will, why can’t you be more like her?”

I absolutely lost it. “I’m not ****ing sister!”, and went off on an emotional rant about how my life had always been one, long negative comparison to her. I clearly shouldn’t have spoken to my teacher as I did, shouting loudly, but it stopped her in her tracks as I think she realised she’d genuinely struck a nerve.

“I’m sorry”, she said, “I shouldn’t have said that, back in you go”. It was quite a cathartic moment if I’m honest.

Anyway, I’ve done alright as it happens. I’m not one for drawing comparisons with other people, but on balance I’d say I’ve done alright. I have a wife who is my rock, two beautiful kids, a nice house, financial security. This kind of guff was only ever more fuel for the fire, but I’d be lying if there weren’t elements of my childhood which have influenced how I am as an adult. Some positive, some not so much. It does get to you somehow, even if you don’t realise it ‘til you’re a bit older.

 

[Weststander]

Hi.
I give thumbs up here out of empathy to a story or agreement with a view.
x

 

[Taybha]

Words .