[Help] What to do about antisocial behaviour?

[Cheshire Cat]

Definitely find out who the landlord is and report it. The Council should be able to help if it is one of theirs, or they should be able to say who the landlord is if it isn't (is theire a sign on the block that names the landlord). Also document every incident with date, time, pictures if available etc (it can be a bit of pain, but you might need the evidence). The landlord might do nothing, but at least you will have the positive thought that you tried. If they are owner/occupiers the only route is the local police. The cops may not be very interested, but they will be when somebody gets hit and injured by a can of beans thrown from 100 feet up. Willy waving is indecent exposure.

Also remember they are probably not specifically targeting you, just chucking stuff at any random person potentially in range. They probably think its terribly funny.

If you are anxious about neighbour disputes, they may move out before you do.

Even if you do nothing now, if anyone comes looking to buy your flat, they won't be very impressed when a pile of crap suddenly lands next to them on their first viewing (it might put them off a bit). They could even have an issue that you knew there were problem neighbours (albeit "unofficially"), but didn't tell them, thereby misrepresenting the location.

If you don't do something, probably nobody else will, and it will continue.

When I lived in a really shitty maisonette in Wigan I had to call the cops because a neighbours boyfriend starting trying to smash her door down with a scaffold pole (they didn't last long), and some scrotes repeatedly set fire to the bin shute which needed the fire brigade. Nobody else seemed bothered in that block. I was even less impressed when my flat was robbed one weekend and nobody noticed a thing (which given the amount of stuff that vanished was completely implausible).

Definitely don't don't get involved in a personal confrontation.

 

[Baldseagull]

I don't know who the landlord is. It's a council block and most are still council but a few are private. How do you find out who the landlord is?

Also, I'm concerned talking to the other 3 in my block because they then may want it more official.

I'm just so unsure what to do really. But i do appreciate the replies. Even though they have made me even more wary and more do-nothing

I feel like such a pussy. Being bullied really by probably a 16 year old (who I can't remember the face of having only seen properly once) and probably a 18-20 yo who I've never really seen, when you're nearly 50. Feels pathetic.

In my teens i had a few fights (never started one in my life but they never really bothered me if i got in one). Then i got jumped on from behind when walking away from yet another dickhead trying to start on the tall bloke. After 2 detached retinas from kicks to my head i lost a lot of confidence. Otherwise i would really go up to their door again.

With my luck, they're probably on here.

They may be horrible little shits, but they probably don't realise how much distress they are causing you, so try not to feel the level of distress that you are.
I suppose the problem now, is that having already been to their door, any knocks on their door by Police or Council are likely to be connected to you by them.
It is possible that you could appeal to their better nature, tell them you know they are just having fun, but that it is affecting your mental health, and you don't want to end up back in Broadmoor because you have snapped again.

 

[Gabbafella]

We've suffered similar with nightmare neighbours in recent years, loud music, antisocial behaviour, drugs, fighting, etc.
The best we got from both housing association and police was to keep a record, once they have enough evidence they'll do something about it. Unfortunately that time never seems to come. We had 5+ years of the same scummy neighbour, nothing was ever done, even with video evidence. Eventually, and thankfully, they moved out.
My advice, as someone else has mentioned, a couple of blokes, baseball bats, masks, and scare the living shit out of them.
Ultimately, try and sell up. It's the only non aggressive solution that also doesn't include any reporting or police involvement.
I genuinely feel your pain though, home is supposed to be a safe place for you to relax and de-stress so when something or someone upsets that balance, it can have a really detrimental effect and all the small things seem much bigger. Fingers crossed for you that you manage to find a solution.

 

[Eric the meek]

[MENTION=12517]herecomesaregular[/MENTION], a few people have advised you to find out who the landlord is.

The only way I know of to find out the owner of a property, is the Land Registry:
https://www.land-search-online.co.uk/portal/conveyancing.asp?search=title-register

The Title Register costs £19.95, which I think is what you need.

 

[Tory Boy]

Go online and report it to the police, and report everything every time.

https://www.sussex.police.uk/ro/report/asb/asb/report-antisocial-behaviour/

Nothing will happen overnight but in time your area/block will keep appearing on the police's radar as a high area of anti-social behaviour.

It might even be worth emailing your local councillor.

But please please please don't suffer in silence.

TB

 

[British Bulldog]

Looks like typical youngsters looking for a reaction, the more you react the more they will push it. Ignorance is bliss in this situation then they get bored and move on to somebody else to wind up.

 

[FamilyGuy]

Document and record, if possible, every incident. Get the police involved and go legal with a restraining order or similar. You've given them an opportunity to stop and they've upped the stakes. Take 'em down. Before the police though, what about going to Citizen's Advice and seeing what they suggest?

Edit: Have you considered contacting their landlord? He could get dragged into this if he doesn't take action against them, such as kicking them out.

Agreed.
If you don't inform the police and the situation gets worse and/or someone gets hurt, you'll wish you had done.
Also consider contacting your MP?

 

[herecomesaregular]

Back now after going out for a long, long walk and to see a good friend.

Firstly, I do appreciate all the opinions on here, thank you. And they do represent all the rather conflicting opinions I've had about it. But it's not as straightforward a situation as it first appears (and would have been in my youth. And particularly this thing about declaring problems with neighbours when selling).

On my way out I did decide to go up there and speak to them. I really do just prefer to talk to someone directly about a problem between us, than involve others. Firstly, I buzzed them and a male answered and when i just said "let me in" he, surprisingly, did. Went up knocked on the door and actually a young lady answered. I was really expecting and ready to speak to one of the lads. I sort of got off on the wrong foot by asking to speak to a "responsible adult", thinking she looked young and could be part of it. Thankfully, she was cool and said, er, yes she was a responsible adult

Without giving too much away it turns out three people and three generations live there and both female adults seem decent, hardworking (FT adult social care) people. The grandmother has lived there for many years and invited them to live with her, due to implied housing issues.

What floored me and then also shocked me about my previous reaction, worries and thinking the worst (gangs, drugs, chavs, proper thugs etc etc) was the grandson who lives there is 14 years old. 14 ffs! Seems that he has a friend over, when both adults are on shift/nights. I didn't tell her about the bong (save that for later if needed) but I did take up the half full 1 litre bottle of lucozade (cap on Mr Barber) that hit my first floor bedroom wall, and their flashing. (only later did i realise that he must not have been "out" as she said when I knocked, as it was him who buzzed me in).

Tbf they didn't need much convincing at all of what has been happening (I sensed he has become a bit of a problem) and were visibly angry about it, not at me but him/them. They seemed pretty "disgusted " and said they'd deal with it. We even exchanged names and numbers (genuine as she messaged me later). Apparently, he will now no longer have his own room and will be sharing with her (i guess it is only 2 bed). I would never have recognised the voices shouting at me as 14 ffs. ( I cannot help saying, 14, ffs!)

I really hope this is the end of it. I've a sneaky feeling it's the friend not the younger lad. Half a litre of lucozade from the 5th floor (not by hand as it's too far a distance across to us and it's never thrown from right by the window itself but from inside the room) could do some damage. And if it does, then I will report it to the police, 14 or not (and as I now have text messages from the mother acknowledging the behaviour I do now have some evidence if i need it). But as i said before kids will be kids, we all were dickheads at some point, I want to be more emotionally generous (lockdown hasn't been good for kids, who knows maybe his relationship with his dad isn't good etc etc). I also want to give her the opportunity of dealing with it without escalating it and the council or police on her back. Fingers crossed.

So, in some ways I feel stupid for getting so anxious about it (the anxiety has been genuinely making me feel ill and some pretty dark thoughts as it's combined with other worries and anxieties) but it really highlights (to me) what faceless, antisocial behaviour can do over some months. i will now be more aware of this if someone i know has issues. It also reminds me that most people are decent thank god (the adults here) and that you can have a calm, assertive conversation about a problem, with strangers. Also in particular, that information is power and fear of the unknown (who are they? why are they doing this? what are they doing? what's that noise?) can be overpowering. Hey, it might carry on, it might escalate but knowing that it revolves around a 14 yo (ffs!) means I can deal with it better if it does. But I hope it doesn't of course, i need to focus on bigger problems.

So, again, as always thanks to Bozza and thanks to the NSC community. I've probably been rude or snappy at some point to some of you (apologies if so) but today just spilling these beans has helped me, so, cheers.

edit - and thank **** for my (drug addicted) cat, for keeping me (somewhat) sane.

 

[Neville's Breakfast]

Nice outcome [MENTION=12517]herecomesaregular[/MENTION]
Glad you are feeling better.

 

[andys320]

Back now after going out for a long, long walk and to see a good friend.

Firstly, I do appreciate all the opinions on here, thank you. And they do represent all the rather conflicting opinions I've had about it. But it's not as straightforward a situation as it first appears (and would have been in my youth. And particularly this thing about declaring problems with neighbours when selling).

On my way out I did decide to go up there and speak to them. I really do just prefer to talk to someone directly about a problem between us, than involve others. Firstly, I buzzed them and a male answered and when i just said "let me in" he, surprisingly, did. Went up knocked on the door and actually a young lady answered. I was really expecting and ready to speak to one of the lads. I sort of got off on the wrong foot by asking to speak to a "responsible adult", thinking she looked young and could be part of it. Thankfully, she was cool and said, er, yes she was a responsible adult

Without giving too much away it turns out three people and three generations live there and both female adults seem decent, hardworking (FT adult social care) people. The grandmother has lived there for many years and invited them to live with her, due to implied housing issues.

What floored me and then also shocked me about my previous reaction, worries and thinking the worst (gangs, drugs, chavs, proper thugs etc etc) was the grandson who lives there is 14 years old. 14 ffs! Seems that he has a friend over, when both adults are on shift/nights. I didn't tell her about the bong (save that for later if needed) but I did take up the half full 1 litre bottle of lucozade (cap on Mr Barber) that hit my first floor bedroom wall, and their flashing. (only later did i realise that he must not have been "out" as she said when I knocked, as it was him who buzzed me in).

Tbf they didn't need much convincing at all of what has been happening (I sensed he has become a bit of a problem) and were visibly angry about it, not at me but him/them. They seemed pretty "disgusted " and said they'd deal with it. We even exchanged names and numbers (genuine as she messaged me later). Apparently, he will now no longer have his own room and will be sharing with her (i guess it is only 2 bed). I would never have recognised the voices shouting at me as 14 ffs. ( I cannot help saying, 14, ffs!)

I really hope this is the end of it. I've a sneaky feeling it's the friend not the younger lad. Half a litre of lucozade from the 5th floor (not by hand as it's too far a distance across to us and it's never thrown from right by the window itself but from inside the room) could do some damage. And if it does, then I will report it to the police, 14 or not (and as I now have text messages from the mother acknowledging the behaviour I do now have some evidence if i need it). But as i said before kids will be kids, we all were dickheads at some point, I want to be more emotionally generous (lockdown hasn't been good for kids, who knows maybe his relationship with his dad isn't good etc etc). I also want to give her the opportunity of dealing with it without escalating it and the council or police on her back. Fingers crossed.

So, in some ways I feel stupid for getting so anxious about it (the anxiety has been genuinely making me feel ill and some pretty dark thoughts as it's combined with other worries and anxieties) but it really highlights (to me) what faceless, antisocial behaviour can do over some months. i will now be more aware of this if someone i know has issues. It also reminds me that most people are decent thank god (the adults here) and that you can have a calm, assertive conversation about a problem, with strangers. Also in particular, that information is power and fear of the unknown (who are they? why are they doing this? what are they doing? what's that noise?) can be overpowering. Hey, it might carry on, it might escalate but knowing that it revolves around a 14 yo (ffs!) means I can deal with it better if it does. But I hope it doesn't of course, i need to focus on bigger problems.

So, again, as always thanks to Bozza and thanks to the NSC community. I've probably been rude or snappy at some point to some of you (apologies if so) but today just spilling these beans has helped me, so, cheers.

edit - and thank **** for my (drug addicted) cat, for keeping me (somewhat) sane.

Fingers crossed things improve, dreadful situation, but for what it's worth I think you've dealt with this appropriately and proportionally.

Take care.

 

[herecomesaregular]

Fingers crossed things improve, dreadful situation, but for what it's worth I think you've dealt with this appropriately and proportionally.

Take care.

Thanks, I'm glad with how it went and i'm glad i went up there. I'm also aware I got lucky with both adults being in at that time and both being decent people. Fingers crossed indeed.

edit - my god I am so looking forward to the Palace game (thank you again so much to Driver8 for the free tickets), they will get some shouting from me as I need to let off steam (that's encouraging the Albion players and ridiculing the Palace fans in the stadium, from a safe distance haha, as it should be). This is what football is about, I've enjoyed watching on the tv having given up my season ticket but there is nothing like being there.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Go online and report it to the police, and report everything every time.

https://www.sussex.police.uk/ro/report/asb/asb/report-antisocial-behaviour/

Nothing will happen overnight but in time your area/block will keep appearing on the police's radar as a high area of anti-social behaviour.

It might even be worth emailing your local councillor.

But please please please don't suffer in silence.

TB

This. And photograph or film it.

And this may sound a bit weird but....as you collect evidence, try to enjoy it. Remind yourself that these people are below the plimsol line of humanity, and probably sweat a night over the humiliations meted out to them in the past that made them the way they are.

Back it all up on a DVD. When you're ready to go to the police, make a back up. If the police won't engage, perhaps there is someone in the local media who may be interested. I'm no expert on that but there are others on NSC who are.

Stay calm, and....very best wishes. This isn't a swinging dick competition, because, as a decent human being, you have already won that one

EDIT: just seen you posted an update. I will read that now.

Etit - great outcome - but do collect evidence if any more manifests, and well done for dealing with it. Finally, it is not your problem, not your reaction, nothing. You're good.

 

[Billy the Fish]

Well. There’s the official route;
Record on phone, keep evidence of your polite requests, keep a diary, report all incidents to 101 via email, report to council.

The most effective route;
Get three or four of your biggest mates, face masks on and go up there and scare the shit out of them.

The next most effective;
Sell up. Move out. They’re not going to stop and the stress isn’t worth it. Don’t record or report anything beforehand though.

I'll second every word of this.

Shite situation to be in. The OP has my genuine sympathy.


*Edit* Just read the update, that's great news and hopefully a resolution

 

[BadFish]

Sounds like a great outcome to this and I am glad.

One thing I was going to say was not to underestimate the effect this is having on your mental health. I don't think it is a small thing, it is a constant and continuous harassment - water torture.

I hope this is the end of it but if not i would be following up with the woman again and nipping it in the bud.

Good luck, no-one should have to put up with this shit.

 

[Baldseagull]

Thanks, I'm glad with how it went and i'm glad i went up there. I'm also aware I got lucky with both adults being in at that time and both being decent people. Fingers crossed indeed.

edit - my god I am so looking forward to the Palace game (thank you again so much to Driver8 for the free tickets), they will get some shouting from me as I need to let off steam (that's encouraging the Albion players and ridiculing the Palace fans in the stadium, from a safe distance haha, as it should be). This is what football is about, I've enjoyed watching on the tv having given up my season ticket but there is nothing like being there.

Glad you have a bit more peace of mind, and that you were big enough to go to their door again to try and resolve things in a friendly way, good work.

 

[clapham_gull]

I had similar problems with my last property in the somewhat "vibrant" area of Clapham North.

It was fine for years, although I was always aware I lived near a problematic road with problematic families.

It started when I had a go at a teenager for chucking a bin over. I then started getting stares over a few months and some random wankers signs from a woman from her top floor window. Had some eggs thrown through my open first floor window. Other incidents, mostly forgotten them now.

I only realised what happened when I was called a "pig" by some of the local kids. Although I had lived there for years, the word had got round I was a Policeman. They hated the Police on that road and would openly shout at them from their houses.

Bollocks.

Now there this was a guy who walked up and down that street all day in and out of houses. Suddenly appeared one week but everyone knew who he was and "respected" him. I suspect he had been away "on holiday" for a while. It was clear that he was in charge of what happened in that street.

Nothing to lose I introduced myself and asked him whether he could put the word round I wasn't a Policeman.

The abuse stopped overnight and the woman who used to give me a wanker sign started saying hello and even started waving from her window as I walked past.

I sold up and left soon afterwards.

 

[HastingsSeagull]

First bit of luck on your side (and thing to try and remind yourself) is it sounds like they might be targeting everyone in the building not just you? Do they do it when other people pass by or knock on other flats in your small block?

Please don’t resort to drinking loads regularly. That’s not going to help and just cost money whilst also bringing on depressive type feelings. Stick the money you would have drunk aside whenever you can and plan to do something positive with it. Some home improvement to help sell in future if you really can’t think of something more fun!

Not helpful right now, but mistake was probably going up there first time. I’d agree go up if happens a few times (probably 3rd for me) but they’re probably bored stiff and more miserable than you and looking to get a reaction like toddlers do. Maybe that thought can brighten things 0.1% for you as what you’re going through is definitely shitty, but their whole life is probably like that. Shut in more than you. Dependent on substances more than you. No future despite being younger etc.

I don’t have any suggestions of what to do next. Council or police are unlikely to do much but worth a try if can be anonymous. if they don’t do much after one or two tries and the shot continues, it would be a shame if lots of different people couldn’t all report what’s happening in different hand writing and wording. Lots of work but worth it to get all to stop from sound of things since it’s gotten to the very sensible stage of ranting on NSC about.

Good luck

 

[sydney]

my sister in law has a horrible woman next door who stands at her fence and abuses the family or anyone else who comes up the drive , her dog is continually barking , loud shitty music (gangsta rap) , throws her dog shit on their roof and has vandalised their gas meter , its been going on for 5 yrs plus , the police and council are not interested they cannot afford to move.

i can relate to how you feel , hope things get better now you have talked to the guardian.

 

[Greg Bobkin]

Back now after going out for a long, long walk and to see a good friend.

Firstly, I do appreciate all the opinions on here, thank you. And they do represent all the rather conflicting opinions I've had about it. But it's not as straightforward a situation as it first appears (and would have been in my youth. And particularly this thing about declaring problems with neighbours when selling).

On my way out I did decide to go up there and speak to them. I really do just prefer to talk to someone directly about a problem between us, than involve others. Firstly, I buzzed them and a male answered and when i just said "let me in" he, surprisingly, did. Went up knocked on the door and actually a young lady answered. I was really expecting and ready to speak to one of the lads. I sort of got off on the wrong foot by asking to speak to a "responsible adult", thinking she looked young and could be part of it. Thankfully, she was cool and said, er, yes she was a responsible adult

Without giving too much away it turns out three people and three generations live there and both female adults seem decent, hardworking (FT adult social care) people. The grandmother has lived there for many years and invited them to live with her, due to implied housing issues.

What floored me and then also shocked me about my previous reaction, worries and thinking the worst (gangs, drugs, chavs, proper thugs etc etc) was the grandson who lives there is 14 years old. 14 ffs! Seems that he has a friend over, when both adults are on shift/nights. I didn't tell her about the bong (save that for later if needed) but I did take up the half full 1 litre bottle of lucozade (cap on Mr Barber) that hit my first floor bedroom wall, and their flashing. (only later did i realise that he must not have been "out" as she said when I knocked, as it was him who buzzed me in).

Tbf they didn't need much convincing at all of what has been happening (I sensed he has become a bit of a problem) and were visibly angry about it, not at me but him/them. They seemed pretty "disgusted " and said they'd deal with it. We even exchanged names and numbers (genuine as she messaged me later). Apparently, he will now no longer have his own room and will be sharing with her (i guess it is only 2 bed). I would never have recognised the voices shouting at me as 14 ffs. ( I cannot help saying, 14, ffs!)

I really hope this is the end of it. I've a sneaky feeling it's the friend not the younger lad. Half a litre of lucozade from the 5th floor (not by hand as it's too far a distance across to us and it's never thrown from right by the window itself but from inside the room) could do some damage. And if it does, then I will report it to the police, 14 or not (and as I now have text messages from the mother acknowledging the behaviour I do now have some evidence if i need it). But as i said before kids will be kids, we all were dickheads at some point, I want to be more emotionally generous (lockdown hasn't been good for kids, who knows maybe his relationship with his dad isn't good etc etc). I also want to give her the opportunity of dealing with it without escalating it and the council or police on her back. Fingers crossed.

So, in some ways I feel stupid for getting so anxious about it (the anxiety has been genuinely making me feel ill and some pretty dark thoughts as it's combined with other worries and anxieties) but it really highlights (to me) what faceless, antisocial behaviour can do over some months. i will now be more aware of this if someone i know has issues. It also reminds me that most people are decent thank god (the adults here) and that you can have a calm, assertive conversation about a problem, with strangers. Also in particular, that information is power and fear of the unknown (who are they? why are they doing this? what are they doing? what's that noise?) can be overpowering. Hey, it might carry on, it might escalate but knowing that it revolves around a 14 yo (ffs!) means I can deal with it better if it does. But I hope it doesn't of course, i need to focus on bigger problems.

So, again, as always thanks to Bozza and thanks to the NSC community. I've probably been rude or snappy at some point to some of you (apologies if so) but today just spilling these beans has helped me, so, cheers.

edit - and thank **** for my (drug addicted) cat, for keeping me (somewhat) sane.

Firstly, don't think that you've got anything to apologise for. NSC has a long history of helping people out, whatever the situation. I'm glad to see you've made a breakthrough and hopefully that will be an end to it.

Secondly, please don't be shocked by the age of the boy. Middle Jnr Bobkin is 14 and some of the things he tells me about what kids in his year get up to is staggering. We've seen it with our own kids, that they grow up very quickly, so a 14yo now is likely to be as 'streetwise' as 20-somethings used to be back in the day.

 

[Napper]

wouldn't involve the police. They wont help and prob make situation worse.

Intimidating / violence to them is the best response but needs to be done properly to properly nip in bud