What really GRINDS YOUR GEARS?

[Kumquat]

Has anyone mentioned Andy Murray yet? I can't be bothered to check.

 

[MissGull]

People who have to talk louder than everyone else.

 

[vegster]

when we were kids we used to play footy on dog shite spattered fields. once, a friend accidentally ate some poo and caught toxicara. nearly went blind, he did. kids these days don't get these life lessons. its all cotton wool wrapping and watch out for the peedos. we are literally breeding an entire nation of complete and utter pussies, quite frankly. everyone should be able to identify white dogs mess, and possibly taste it if need be. build up some of those antibodies. people of my generation aren't allergic to anything cos of the antibodies.

So its " Eat Sh@t and Don't Die " ?

 

[Prince Monolulu]

Shared pages on Facebook where it says 'This old tramp got ridiculed when he turned up for his X-Factor audition, but watch what happened when he opened his mouth. Stunning amazeballs'.

Silver foil inners on the top of butter cartons

Bands or singers where, I am reliably informed 'their early stuff was great before they became big'

'Hand carved' meats

Crane flies

Cheap table tennis bats

Old scart leads

 

[Lady Whistledown]

The TV show that makes me genuinely embarrassed to be female. They have John Barrowman on it quite frequently. If I had to describe my own personal vistion of hell, that would be it.

 

[Prince Monolulu]

A real HIT - Hormone Intense Television

 

[grubbyhands]

- It's been mentioned, but the people who eat the food in supermarkets before they've purchased it. I don't care if little Timmy is hungry, the little shit can wait. Oh, and stop him from running around or i'll put him in our cardboard baler.

- People who don't put unwanted items back where they belong. Oh, you have to walk the other side of the shop to put that back? Boo ****ing hoo. It might help you lose some weight, you fat trollop
- Can you tell I work in retail yet? The people who come up and ask you where the item is, that is right in ****ing front of them. Perhaps have a look at the signs on the shelves...blimey, Stevie Wonder could have worked it out before you.

- People who use shitspeak to sound more important than they are. I got an email the other day from a company starting with "I’m looking for a extra partner to help me monetise some of the inventory". I officially don't give a shit what you're trying to achieve now, you've told me in that sentence that you're a pretentious arse.

- People who think that anything from those heinous "the only way is chelsea shore" or whateverthe****theyrecalled. No, those types of shows aren't 'aspirational', you're just not cut out for life.

- People who share lot of 'causes' on Facebook when they've clearly no real idea about what goes on in the world that doesn't occur beyond their own eyesight. Also, I know you, don't pretend to be all enlightened when you've just shared a story from ****ing Heat magazine, you dappy mare.

- People using the word 'cheeky'. Someone (again, it's Facebook) often says he is having a 'cheeky' pint. I'm going to have a 'cheeky' session stoving his head in with a spade. Lol!!!11!

- 1&1. Appalling excuse for a company.

- People in Marketing/PR circles that have the spelling & grammar that would disappoint a toddler.

- People who still play Farmville.

- People that share stories on social media that are a) quite clearly untrue or b) easy to find out with a quick Google/Snopes search. These can usually be found from Britain First, or talk about 'OMG Facebook will start charging u if u dn't share dis 2 20 friends". These people need to be euthanised.

- People who think that uploading a video to YouTube of them talking shit automatically makes them a 'youtuber'. Listen mate, you've got about 200 views spanning 150 videos...you're boring, **** off and leave us alone.

- People who claim to be a 'professional' at something yet they've not earned any money doing it. Usually happens in my industry (web design) by those who think that owning a copy of Photoshop or Dreamweaver somehow makes them God.

- Piers Morgan

- Continually positive people. Have you never had a bad mood before? Go on, have a rant. It's quite fulfilling. Also, stop saying that we should all be 'blessed' because its a beautiful day. No, we don't now **** off and do some yoga or eat a flower.

There's more, but I should do some work.

Now that is qualiteeeeeeeee.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

A real HIT - Hormone Intense Television

I really, really can't bear them. Bunch of cackling, menopausal, talentless, screeching old harridans. You know when you occasionally see a "mature", usually northern, hen party in Brighton, all fifty-something ladies dressed up in inappropriately short skirts, matching pink t-shirts and carrying cock-shaped helium balloons? Making a grab for the buttocks of every male passer-by and shouting "Ooooh Tricia, I wouldn't mind a bit of THAT" as some poor unsuspecting twenty year old guy walks across their path? That. That's what they are.

 

[grubbyhands]

Fat old men wearing football shirts.

Oy, Watch it!

 

[Brighton TID]

So its " Eat Sh@t and Don't Die " ?

Pretty much, yes.

 

[Butch Willykins]

My phone trying to log into 'the cloud wifi' everytime I walk past a pub or coffee shop.

People that are shit at using self scanning checkouts

Binmen in Brighton

 

[TomandJerry]

Anyone who takes there beers into the Amex toilets with themselves

 

[jcdenton08]

How elderly people rush to get in front of you, be it in a car, on the street but worst in a queue. Having made such a big deal about being ahead, they proceed to literally halve their speed and slow everyone down

Particularly annoying as they aren't exactly rushed off their feet with things to do all day

 

[Don Quixote]

People who say the word 'gutted'.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

rush to get in front of you, be it in a car, on the street but worst in a queue. Having made such a big deal about being ahead, they proceed to literally halve their speed and slow everyone down

On this -yes - people who are desperate to pull out of a side road to get ahead of you, then proceed to drive 10 mph slower than you were going in the first place.

I was hardly go to hold you up was I, you dick. Why rush to get out ahead of me? Tw4ts

 

[vegster]

-People- usually in BMWs or 4x4s, it must be said, who park across two spaces in a car park, so as to give themselves plenty of room.

-Baby On Board stickers in cars.

-Eddie Howe and Harry Redknapp's media interviews

-That little chuckle John Motson does mid-sentence when commentating: "Well it does very much appear, Lawro, that [chortle] Arsene Wenger may have got more than he bargained for, I fancy!".

-John Motson's extended pronunciation of "Drogbaaaaaa"

-The Match of the Day producer who insists that the cameras must pan instantly to Roman Abramovich EVERY time Chelsea score. Why? Do we see Huw Jenkins celebrating when Swansea score? No. Why do the BBC think anybody gives a shit what some beardy, bug-eyed Russian billionaire thinks of Diego Costa's latest tap-in?

You can add the horrible northern whine that John Murray lets out for every goal he commentates on as if every goal is a wonder goal or of planet changing significance. Please lets get Mike Ingham out of retirement.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Pretentious shit on restaurant menus. Specifically:

-any kind of "foam", for example "accompanied by an organic aubergine, Languedoc speckled black truffle & minted pea foam". Call it what you like: it looks like spit on a plate.

-the expression "pan fried". What else would you fry something in?

-"vine-ripened" tomatoes. Did anyone think they grew in a box or something?

-"jus". SAUCE.

-"reduction". SAUCE'

-"coulis". SAUCE.

etc

 

[Lady Whistledown]

"Unexpected item in bagging area".

 

[Nibble]

That aggressive/downtrodden look that chavs have even when they are asking directions or something similarly benign they look aggressive and hard done by.

The battery life on an iPhone 5.

And they say Nurses have it tough.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

And me! The kids-standing-in-supermarket trolleys thing really pisses me off.

I'm talking about when they're actually standing in the bit of the trolley you put your purchases in, you know, parents: the place where I put my FOOD, and you're allowing your little darlings to jump around in, wearing shoes that quite possibly have trodden in dogshit, mud, piss, vomit and whatever else was on the pavement the last time you actually made them walk anywhere. Well done, mummies. Well done

As an adjunct to this point:

People who perch their toddlers on the counter at a coffee shop, etc whilst they are paying. "There you go Harry, you sit there while I pay the lady" #pops Harry's soiled-nappy wrapped backside on the worktop, between the pains au chocolat and the blueberry muffins#