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What do you think of my mates story



killer miller

New member
Apr 25, 2011
373
Bexhill-on-sea
Used to live in Ipswich and his Dad was born there and his Mum was born in Hailsham. Dad brought him up as a town fan but his mum is a Brighton fan so he used to all ways want them to do well. He had a season ticket at Ipswich for 6 years until his dad died then he moved down to Hastings and is now a season ticket holder at Brighton. What do you think about his story?
 










Badger

NOT the Honey Badger
NSC Patron
May 8, 2007
13,107
Toronto
The first chapter is good but it goes downhill from there. I was expecting some sort of twist at the end but it's a little bit too predictable
 






Gully

Monkey in a seagull suit.
Apr 24, 2004
16,812
Way out west
Sounds like a lucky escape to me.
 
















Biscuit

Native Creative
Jul 8, 2003
22,320
Brighton
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Manx Shearwater

New member
Jun 28, 2011
1,206
Brighton
Needs more character development. And a love angle. A gay love angle. Stands more chance of getting commissioned by the BBC then.
 


pipkin112

New member
Aug 10, 2011
1,605
sompting
Used to live in Ipswich and his Dad was born there and his Mum was born in Hailsham. Dad brought him up as a town fan but his mum is a Brighton fan so he used to all ways want them to do well. He had a season ticket at Ipswich for 6 years until his dad died then he moved down to Hastings and is now a season ticket holder at Brighton. What do you think about his story?




Add a car chase and some nudity and i think you'll get a movie deal.:thumbsup::thumbsup:
 






skipper734

Registered ruffian
Aug 9, 2008
9,189
Curdridge
Needs a bit of a sex angle to become a real page turner. Maybe the Mum is a bit of a Milf?
 


countryman

Well-known member
Jun 28, 2011
1,893
I'm sure it will make it onto channel 5, but it hasn't got a chance of getting onto the BBC.
 


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