What CONSPIRACY THEORY will mean we don't beat Wednesday?

[Eeyore]

The coach TV aerial has been tampered with and local newsreader, Carol Barnes, has been drafted in to talk of terrible climatic conditions in South Yorkshire. The coach is diverted.

On its way through Chesterfield the spire, currently being renovated by workman from a few miles further north, falls on top of the coach. Kayal is sent forewarning of having been sent off as the tip that struck him has been damaged in the process.

The damage is repaired, but as the coach travels along the A61 it is pelted with rocks and stones. Two Brighton players are arrested as the Derbyshire constabulary take advice from the South Yorkshire police that it was them that caused it.

David Blunkett is strategically placed to cross the road on the Dronfield by-pass and his dog is mysteriously shot half way across. Tail-backs begin to occur. Roy Hattersley is strangely nearby and his spittle begins to start a flood.

Having negotiated this, the drive through Sheffield hears Joe Cocker's greatest hits blasted out of tannoys on every street corner. The Albion players arrive late in a dazed and confused state. The match has already started and we are 4-0 down.

Albion appeal against this but it is turned down by the committee- a group of local clergy- who blame Albion's miss-fortune on the legalisation of same sex marriage. Another player is sent off as this is deemed to have caused the floods.

The referee has been kidnapped and Mike Dean has taken the call....

 

[Spanish Seagulls]

The coach TV aerial has been tampered with and local newsreader, Carol Barnes, has been drafted in to talk of terrible climatic conditions in South Yorkshire. The coach is diverted.

On its way through Chesterfield the spire, currently being renovated by workman from a few miles further north, falls on top of the coach. Kayal is sent forewarning of having been sent off as the tip that struck him has been damaged in the process.

The damage is repaired, but as the coach travels along the A61 it is pelted with rocks and stones. Two Brighton players are arrested as the Derbyshire police take advise from the South Yorkshire police that it was them that caused it.

David Blunkett is strategically placed to cross the road on the Dronfield by-pass and his dog is mysteriously shot half way across. Tail-backs begin to occur. Roy Hattersley is strangely nearby and his spittle begins to start a flood.

Having negotiated this, the drive through Sheffield hears Joe Cocker's greatest hits blasted out of tannoys on every street corner. The Albion players arrive late in a dazed and confused state. The match has already started and we are 4-0 down.

Albion appeal against this but it is turned down by the committee- a group of local clergy- who blame Albion's miss-fortune on the legalisation of same sex marriage. Another player is sent off as this is deemed to have caused the floods.

The referee has been kidnapped and Mike Dean has taken the call....

Ok then, imaginative bugger aren't you.

 

[Big G]

Mike Dean is the head of a clandestine group of referees, known as the 'Inbreeds'', who are all born between the mother and son... and father and daughter of the 'Palace Family'.
One of his Uncle/Brothers will take charge of each of the playoff games and then, using the collateral of the family caravan, bet against us winning!
Some of this offspring had previously been given a special mission into playing the game itself despite the obvious inbred looks.....please see Ian Dowie and Julian Speroni

 

[Springal]

The fact we had a day less rest against Boro means it will catch up with us against Wednesday, and especially so having to play Friday - Monday.

 

[Icy Gull]

We will have another player sent off after two fairly innocuous yellows. Weds, meanwhile, will kick lumps out of us and won't get a single booking.

 

[sussex_guy2k2]

We think we've scored an unlikely last minute away goal (let's just say Stockdale scores it for amusements sake) to give us a lead going into Monday. Chris Hughton, in a fit of pure joy, runs over to the players, whilst tearing off his shirt and jumps on Stockdale to celebrate.

Hughton is sent off for indecent exposure and running on to the pitch. Stockdale breaks his back because he can't bear the weight of Hughton.

But the real kicker comes when the goal is disallowed. Stockdale is deemed to have jumped too high to head the ball, leading to a slight easterly breeze knocking over Forestieri, who the ref deems to have been the victim of serious foul play. Stockdale, understandably, gets red carded for his trouble, the goal is chalked off, and Hughton is also banned for the second leg.

Forestieri, having recovered by the second leg, goes through on goal with the opportunity to clinch victory. Facing replacement keeper Inigo Calderon (Maenpaa had been sent off for farting too hard and following through), he chips the ball tamely, disappointed that he's missed his opportunity. Calderon, being such a great scorer of face busting goals, sees his opportunity and powers the ball into his own net with his nose, desperate as he is to get on the scoresheet. The crowd erupts, "Inigo Calderon, he scores with his face".

Luckily for us, the own goal is disallowed. Mike Dean struts on to the pitch and red cards the referee. Apparently, he'd committed a foul in the lead up to the goal by lifting his foot of the ground in a vicious act of walking, thus exposing his studs to the players.

The referee tries to appeal his 3 match ban, but instead is given a lift ban from football for his disgusting act of violence.

 

[pishhead]

Owing to the training grounds proximity to Shoreham airport and it being a hub for where chemtrails are released, the entire squad is struck down with a mystery illness.

 

[skipper734]

This sort of thing has been going on for years. Even before Football was invented, the FA banned Fozzi from the team that should have won their Cup. Thieves and scoundrels then tried to steal the Goldstone, the FA ( apart from one embarrassed member) did FA.
May we rise above this skulduggery and in our dignified Sussex way move on, rise up and confound the evil forces ranged against us. Make a lot of noise!

 

[Bigtomfu]

Can't we just go back to blaming JFC for everything?

Yes. It's his fault that he signed on loan for MK Dons for the whole season meaning his registration isn't back with the Albion before June 30th and therefore subsequently becomes ineligible for the play offs when he could have made a difference!

 

[Hungry Joe]

Pre-season, Tony Bloom, under the pseudonym Mony Blot, put an HGV full of crumpled fivers on BHA finishing the season on 89 points, but missing out on automatic promotion to 'some Northern monkeys' on goal difference, and then royally ****ing it up in the Play Offs after losing the sixth best player in The Championship to a referee / FA / Prince Charles joint-conspiracy and then during the first leg against some other Northern Monkeys, BHA's entire back 4 all collapsing with severe breathing difficulties after sharing 'another player's' inhaler pre-match which, rather than being full of Ventolin, has been switched with one containing silica dust by Ian Holloway. Monty Blot got odds of 10000000000000000000000000000000000 / 1. You heard it here first.

 

[Springal]

**** me if we don't beat Sheffield Wednesday this forum is going to be worse than GusGate