Weird conversations heard in public

[daveinprague]

On a night tram

He was like yeah!
I was like you know!
He was like reallly!
I was like wow
He was like awesome
I was like...

Please stfu

 

[pearl]

I was teaching an A level class and could overhear a group of girls chatting as they got on with their work, they were talking about a date one of them had the evening before and I was half listening as I was putting some stuff up on the wall, they were unaware that I was nearby:

Girl one - How did your date go last night?
Girl two - Rubbish
Girl one - Why, I thought last night was 'the night'
Girl two - No, nothing happened, not even a kiss, I'd shaved my fanny and everything

At which point I burst into uncontrolled laughter, said girl went bright red and luckily burst into laughter too.

love it!

 

[FamilyGuy]

A few years ago - a couple of weeks after 9/11 - I was walking from the ticket check in LA airport to get onto the plane to Kuia (yeh! I know!) when an American woman in front of me said to her mate "I don't know why they searched by bag, I'm an American".

I didn't know whether to laugh or cry - my wife stopped me from my attempts to educate the lady in question.

 

[mejonaNO12 aka riskit]

Once on a bus back from work on a Friday I heard this girl, probably about 18 saying on the phone "Seriously mate, I've done 20 hours this week. I'm shattered".

Cue the whole bus bursting out with laughter.

 

[pearl]

last week I went to see a film about Miles Davis, there were two elderly ladies behind me, one said 'I don't know anything about him (MD), but I'm told he played the fiddle well' .... the other one said she was going to have buttered crumpets when she got home ... with marmite ..... bizarre, but quite sweet

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Once on a bus back from work on a Friday I heard this girl, probably about 18 saying on the phone "Seriously mate, I've done 20 hours this week. I'm shattered".

Cue the whole bus bursting out with laughter.

Very assuming and judgmental of you Mr M. She could have done 20 hours concentrating at complicated lectures on applied physics. Or 20 hours volunteering at a care home doing all th heavy lifting for the permanent, kindly but elderly staff. Or perhaps 20 hours of early morning long-distance running, whilst preparing to represent Great Britain at the forthcoming youth Olympics. She may* have had very good reason for being TIRED.

You and the whole bus should be ashamed of yourselves.


*She MIGHT equally have spent 20 hours staring at her phone, sat behind the counter at her local One-Stop. But WHO KNOWS?

 

[el punal]

A few years ago I was in Spain as part of a work project. This involved a lot of to-ing and fro-ing back to the UK by plane. On one particular flight, from Malaga, we were boarding the aircraft and there was a bit of a rumpus in the aisle. It turned out that a loud mouthed tw*t of a British holidaymaker was holding forth about useless the airline was and it's cabin crew because they had showed him to the wrong seat.

"Look! Look!" he was shouting at the stewardess as he waved his boarding pass at her. "Can't you bloody read, THAT'S my seat number!"

"No sir." replied the stewardess, ever so politely. "That happens to be the flight number of the airplane."

Tw*t features then sits down totally silent and totally humiliated.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

My input to this is not 'weird', just depressing. No word of a lie...

I was in TESCO in Portsmouth a few years ago, when I overheard (impossible NOT to 'overhear') a chavvy, fat mess of a woman, round on her 5 year old kid, and BELLOW at him "Don't F_CKING swear!", before turning to her equally chavvy, fat mate, and saying "Honestly, I don't know where he f_cking gets it from"

 

[ATFC Seagull]

You could be right. On a par with those that claim they have walked into a pub in Wales and the locals change from speaking English to Welsh. Not taking account of the fact they may well have been already speaking their native tongue before that person walked in.

Hmmm, I've got one close to that though from my time in Wales.

Sat down with some mates and group of girls come and sit down at the table next to us.

Girls: dsjfhdskjhdfskjf jdshf kjsdhfkjdsahf dskjhfsdkj (Welsh) (I think they were asking if anyone was sitting there)
Me: Sorry, I don't speak Welsh
Girls: fdjdsfjkdshjk jdfhs jdsjhf jsdakjf sdjk fs (more Welsh)
Me: I don't know what you're saying
Girls: bdnmfbadsmjeiow dh sdjkah fmnnmzcxbvcb jhdsabkj fdnkj (Much louder and aggressive Welsh)
Me: Look I'm not being funny but you knew when you sat down that we weren't Welsh, so you knew I'd never understand so why don't you just ask me in English?
Girls: N<MBIJIOJKML JK JKSH KJHJKSBNDCSVKJAN (Very loud high-pitched shouting in Welsh)
Me: Look, I come from Ireland (slightly untrue) so I get the idea that people should speak Welsh, I wish more people, including myself, spoke Irish, but...
Girls: Oh you're Irish. We thought you were English. Have a good night mate!

 

[Garage_Doors]

These types turn up at gigs as well.

Not at the sort of gigs i go to

 

[Green Cross Code Man]

When I lived in Liverpool, I was minding my toddler in the church creche. A parent by me was writing a letter to her grandma. All well and good until I noticed the address she wrote. It ended Somerset, Devon. Thinking she'd just been absent minded, I did a double take and asked what she meant by that as Somerset was a county in its own right and that Devon was a different county. At first she did not believe me, but in the end she was convinced but very embarrassed as she'd been using that address for years, since she was a child.

 

[LondonTown]

I saw someone park in a disabled bay outside a newsagent, and hurry in. He appeared to be able bodied.

A passer by pointed at his car, and shouted: "You can't park there you spastic!"

Not really a conversation, but...

 

[pearl]

I saw someone park in a disabled bay outside a newsagent, and hurry in. He appeared to be able bodied.

A passer by pointed at his car, and shouted: "You can't park there you spastic!"

Not really a conversation, but...

I apologise for finding that funny!

 

[pearl]

Hmmm, I've got one close to that though from my time in Wales.

Sat down with some mates and group of girls come and sit down at the table next to us.

Girls: dsjfhdskjhdfskjf jdshf kjsdhfkjdsahf dskjhfsdkj (Welsh) (I think they were asking if anyone was sitting there)
Me: Sorry, I don't speak Welsh
Girls: fdjdsfjkdshjk jdfhs jdsjhf jsdakjf sdjk fs (more Welsh)
Me: I don't know what you're saying
Girls: bdnmfbadsmjeiow dh sdjkah fmnnmzcxbvcb jhdsabkj fdnkj (Much louder and aggressive Welsh)
Me: Look I'm not being funny but you knew when you sat down that we weren't Welsh, so you knew I'd never understand so why don't you just ask me in English?
Girls: N<MBIJIOJKML JK JKSH KJHJKSBNDCSVKJAN (Very loud high-pitched shouting in Welsh)
Me: Look, I come from Ireland (slightly untrue) so I get the idea that people should speak Welsh, I wish more people, including myself, spoke Irish, but...
Girls: Oh you're Irish. We thought you were English. Have a good night mate!

that just reminded me of something ... I once asked a Glasgow Rangers supporter which part of Ireland he came from ....
oddly enough he then bought me a drink!

 

[Whitechapel]

Couple of girls sitting opposite me on the train. Probably between 14-16 YO. One of them asks the other - "Do you think he'll like me more if I let him finger me at his party?"

Took all of my willpower and the fact I'd have looked like a nonce to stop me turning round and saying, "Probably, yeah".

 

[Your Mum]

Couple of girls sitting opposite me on the train. Probably between 14-16 YO. One of them asks the other - "Do you think he'll like me more if I let him finger

your mum

at his party?"

Took all of my willpower and the fact I'd have looked like a nonce to stop me turning round and saying, "Probably, yeah".

 

[GreersElbow]

I was in a coffee shop earlier today, whilst waiting to pay for mine, this woman arrived and asked for a coffee. The brilliance of this was the conversation between her and her partner about coffee, in which they discussed the definition of coffee then said to the barista after this discussion "just a coffee". Barista was facepalming, he did sharply ask "flat white, cappucino.." prompted by a reply of "just a coffee please"