[Help] Tom'll Fix It

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Dear Tom,

I'm in a bit of a legal wrangle at the moment with an immoral service provider. Could you point me in the direction of a free and impartial ombudsman?

Thank you for your query, which is invaluable to us. Your call has been passed to our free and impartial Tombudsman service

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Tom what time does the helpline stay open to. Could be some night workers needing assistance

Thank you for your query, which is invaluable to us. We are here for you 24/7, at least until the bloody rain stops. Night worker calls will automatically be forwarded to our offshore subsidiary Tamil Fix It

 

[hart's shirt]

How do I get GOSBTS on my Nokia?

I tried BG'll Fix It, but they said they only specialize in Omsong.

And when are the fixtures out?

 

[jakarta]

And when are the fixtures out?

At least one issue sorted... https://sussexcricket.co.uk/fixtures-results

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

How do I get GOSBTS on my Nokia?

I tried BG'll Fix It, but they said they only specialize in Omsong.

And when are the fixtures out?

Thank you for your queries, which are invaluable to us. Unfortunately, since checking my inbox this morning, I have received a message from Camelot. Apparently I have won £105m. So there is good news and there is bad news.

The good news is that funds are being made available to Tony Bloom to purchase Ashley Barnes in the January transfer window. £105m should just about cover it.

The bad news is that NSC user [MENTION=17913]Falmerfourtickets[/MENTION] has agreed to take over this invaluable advice service due to having large amounts of unexpected free time available. Please contact [MENTION=17913]Falmerfourtickets[/MENTION] by PM, or write to him direct at:

TIM'LL FIX IT
CONSERVATIVE PARTY HQ
WITHDEAN

Thank you and goodbye

 

[Sussex Nomad]

Dear Tom,

My U bend is blocked, it makes awful noises and I can't clear it. I did try bleach, that burnt.

Your invaluable (I do mean invaluable) advice would be greatly appreciated.

Best wishes.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Dear Tom,

My U bend is blocked, it makes awful noises and I can't clear it. I did try bleach, that burnt.

Your invaluable (I do mean invaluable) advice would be greatly appreciated.

Best wishes.

The service you require is no longer available - please see post #65

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

Having stupidly forgot about an appointment yesterday I thought I would go back in time and put it right.
I got up to 88mph but the flux capacitor in my VW Caddy did not cut in.
Can you advise me on how to get it to work.
Thanks
M McFly.

 

[Questions]

Tom, why are people not wearing as many hats as they used to ?

 

[TWOCHOICEStom]

Tom, why are people not wearing as many hats as they used to ?

Hi Questions,
Since people started only growing one head it's become increasingly difficult to wear multiple hats.

All the best now,
Tom

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

My sonic screwdriver has packed up.
Screwfix have no stock left.
How do I get another one by 11 am today.
Thanks
D. Who

 

[Wellesley]

My boiler isn't working. I've told her time and time again that she needs to get a job but she just tells me to "F*** off", please help.

 

[Yes Chef]

Dear Tom,

The waitresses in my restaurant don't know the difference between jam and marmalade. How can I show them?

Thanks in advance

Y. Chef

 

[zefarelly]

Dear Tom,

I'm going to Bruge for a weekend soon with Mrs SSB. How do I get out of visiting the Xmas market and where are the best nooks and crannies to visit?

SSB

You may want to clarify whether you want to explore nooks and crannies with the wife or 'solo'

 

[giveusfalmerplease]

A serious question..the pressure reading on my boiler varies from 1.1 to 1.2 warning is at 0.8. is this external water pressure?

 

[WATFORD zero]

Dear Tom,

The waitresses in my restaurant don't know the difference between jam and marmalade. How can I show them?

Thanks in advance

Y. Chef

I could suggest some solutions, but they are all either illegal, immoral or fattening

 

[knocky1]

A serious question..the pressure reading on my boiler varies from 1.1 to 1.2 warning is at 0.8. is this external water pressure?

Internal top it up if heads towards the 0.8.

 

[Trufflehound]

Should I have a SMART meter installed? How long will it take?

If it was that smart it would install itself.

 

[hart's shirt]

Thank you for your queries, which are invaluable to us. Unfortunately, since checking my inbox this morning, I have received a message from Camelot. Apparently I have won £105m. So there is good news and there is bad news.

The good news is that funds are being made available to Tony Bloom to purchase Ashley Barnes in the January transfer window. £105m should just about cover it.

The bad news is that NSC user [MENTION=17913]Falmerfourtickets[/MENTION] has agreed to take over this invaluable advice service due to having large amounts of unexpected free time available. Please contact [MENTION=17913]Falmerfourtickets[/MENTION] by PM, or write to him direct at:

TIM'LL FIX IT
CONSERVATIVE PARTY HQ
WITHDEAN

Thank you and goodbye

Having read your suggestion as regards the advice service, I've smashed the phone.

 

[MattBackHome]

Due to the high volume of calls currently being experienced, you have been placed in a queue. Please continue to hold. Your call is invaluable to us.

I'm still waiting. This really is preposterously bad service.