Things you never hear said by anyone, ever

[Simster]

Ah fantastic, the soothing dulcet tones of my seven year old practicing the recorder. How lovely.

Oh shit I'm late for work. I can't blame the trains, they'll never believe me.

We are just a Kemy Augustien away from being a promotion winning team.

I'm sorry, pretty pink fairy, I haven't got time to read all that right now. I'll have to reply later.


Take it away, NSC...

 

[Prince Monolulu]

My kid(s) are thick as sh1t and doing cr@p at school.

That Piers Morgan appears to be actually a nice chap and I'd buy him a pint.

 

[Stumpy Tim]

Ah fantastic, the soothing dulcet tones of my seven year old practicing the recorder. How lovely.
.

You do hear people say that. Last week on my Facebook for example. #Thief

 

[studio150]

I wish Katie Hopkins stopped making these bland statements and came off the fence

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

Kim Kardashian - "Does my bum look big in this?"

 

[cheshunt seagull]

Can't wait for the next Ofsted inspection
I haven't had a Wagon Wheel in ages but I'm sure they've got bigger
I've been watching daytime TV all afternoon and I still have no idea how I'm going to help my family pay for my funeral expenses
That joke in Mrs Brown's Boys came out of nowhere

 

[Titanic]

I love it when we sit back, let the oppo have a real go at it and try to defend a lead.

 

[Simster]

You do hear people say that. Last week on my Facebook for example. #Thief

You inspired me. [emoji38]

Anyway back on topic..


"I must say, they've chosen a remarkably competent bunch of contestants for this year's The Apprentice."

 

[Deleted User X18H]

I don't get this game.

 

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

Policemen are definitely looking older

 

[Tory Boy]

What a fantastic Liverpool - Man U game last night.

TB

 

[Gullflyinghigh]

'There's nothing more enjoyable than a two year old on the rampage'

'Miranda - best show on tv'

'That Trump bloke is a classy guy, full of good ideas'

'Calde, what a horrible man'

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

I made a massive error of judgement voting Brexit, I just didn't think it through properly, I'm not racist but I just wanted all the immigrants to leave.

 

[Tim Over Whelmed]

Yum, loved my burger at The Amex, I was served in no time and it was such superb value.

 

[knocky1]

Barber IN!

 

[Raleigh Chopper]

I had a really interesting and thought provoking conversation about football with Mark Bright today.

 

[ManOfSussex]

Of all the female Sky Sports News Presenters, Claire Tomlinson is the most attractive.

 

[Return of the Rev]

That's a nice moon bow!

 

[Worthingite]

And the winner of this years Pulitzer Prize...... Tim Hodges for his "5 tihngs the albion lerned at the eeekend"

 

[Taybha]

Million pound houses are so 80s