[Humour] The Official Dad's (of toddlers) thread

[BigBod]

Me and the Mrs left it later in life, she was 40 and I was 42 when we had our little girl. Littleun is 17 now and it has been a fantastic 17 years, loved it and still loving it. She has had to fit in with our way of life though, went to her first motorbike rally at 6 months old in the sidecar. Toured all over Europe with us and all her god parents and aunts and uncles are in the bike club. Loves her football and been to many a match with me. Becoming more independent now and ready to take on the world. Best 17 years of my life.

And yeah, I know the words of the Gruffalo off by heart.....

 

[spongy]

I have 2 girls.

9 and 4.

Was 36 when we had our first. She was really hard work. She didn't go through the night until just before her 3rd birthday. They were tough years. I was permanently absolutely shattered and I was studying as a mature student at the time. That was tough.

But she walked, talked, toilet training was a doddle and now she's a lovely, polite and funny girl who loves her football, plays for a local team and joins me at the amex with her season ticket. She's a joy to parent.

The second is the complete and total polar opposite.

She slept through the night after the first few weeks which we were dreading she wasn't going to, she's demanding as hell and extremely stubborn. But her sense of humour is on point and soon makes me laugh after being a little bitch in a tantrum.

But she also has speech problems and the wait for speech therapy as she's now in reception class has been hard. She's been left out at school a bit by peers as they have trouble understanding her.

She's also point blank refused to potty train. She's dry but won't poo anywhere near a toilet so she's still in nappies overnight. She holds it all day and has overflow diarrhoea every day due to her being backed up..

Everyone keeps telling us too full her with laxatives but there's no way in hell I can do that and ship her off to school. Unfair to her and her teachers, we've been waiting for an NHS referral for over 18 months so I've been washing shitty knickers and changing nappies daily for nearly 10 years now (18 months break between 1st toilet trained and birth of second).

Would I change it? Absolutely not. No matter how hard it gets.

 

[alanfp]

I've barely had a chunk of sleep longer than 3 hours since #2 arrived.

What worked for us, with twins in their first year, was sleeping in shifts.

Wife went to bed at around 9pm having done the majority of caring while I was at work.
9.00pm to 3.30 am it was down to me to do everything, but I was able to get a bit of a doze here and there or at least rest my eyes for a while.
3.30 am we swapped over and anything was then down to the wife until I got up for work at 7.30am (remember, she had just had 6 hrs of solid sleep).
So I then got 4 hours solid of lovely deep sleep from 3.30 to 7.30am and I found that was enough to enable me to function (relatively) normally during the day.

This worked because the babies were in a different room away from our bedroom so whoever's turn it was to sleep could actually sleep without being disturbed.

Might work for you?

 

[alanfp]

She holds it all day

Whilst in nappies, when they needed a poo, one of mine used to sit in the corner of the room and squirm and grimace - we thought they were trying to 'go' but like yours, they were desperately trying to hold it all in. A bit like the first time they had their hair cut - burst into tears and was sick over the hairdresser. Something about not liking anything leaving their bodies, it appears. We tried EVRYTHING. Nothing worked, but eventually they gradually grew out of it and I'm sure yours will too. But it's hard when you compare the behaviour/progress of your own child with others, which we all do, even though we probably shouldn't.

 

[borat]

I am living this now. Literally now, as I am pacing around with an 8 month old on my shoulder who is being settled for the 6th time so far tonight.
It was much easier with our first who will be 3 in a few months.
I won't lie, it's hell and I've barely had a chunk of sleep longer than 3 hours since #2 arrived. It's even worse for my wife, whose mental health is really suffering, hand in hand with the exhaustion.

There's no guarantee you'll have similar issues if you did go for number 2 of course, but you are right to factor it into your decision.

Would we make the same call again if we could go back? Probably not* at this stage if I'm honest, but we'll push through this tough time and won't remember so much about it. They are already starting to play together, so the positives are slowly kicking in.

Sorry for the downer post, but better to be honest.



*this answer may be different in the morning if I get some sleep

Sounds like a tough time. Might be hard to imagine as you are so overtired but things will likely change very quickly so just hang in there. Get support if possible to allow you both to rest where you can.

 

[LamieRobertson]

Someone once told me "when you're 65 years old think about what you would give, how much you would pay, to sit beside your baby/boy girl and put them to sleep, or just engage in one of their "but why" conversations etc. Whenever I'm feeling a bit exhausted/grumpy with it all I just think of that advice and try to savour every minute.

Well just as an aside you kinda get that moment again….i hit that figure on Sunday and have a great close relationship with my two young grand children of 5 and 7 ..and often I’m doing bedtime story to the youngest and putting both to bed

 

[MJsGhost]

What worked for us, with twins in their first year, was sleeping in shifts.

Wife went to bed at around 9pm having done the majority of caring while I was at work.
9.00pm to 3.30 am it was down to me to do everything, but I was able to get a bit of a doze here and there or at least rest my eyes for a while.
3.30 am we swapped over and anything was then down to the wife until I got up for work at 7.30am (remember, she had just had 6 hrs of solid sleep).
So I then got 4 hours solid of lovely deep sleep from 3.30 to 7.30am and I found that was enough to enable me to function (relatively) normally during the day.

This worked because the babies were in a different room away from our bedroom so whoever's turn it was to sleep could actually sleep without being disturbed.

Might work for you?

Thanks, but when he wakes at night, he pretty much wants one thing: milk. My wife is insistent on breastfeeding (not even expressed and bottle fed), even if it kills her, so I obviously can't help with that. It can still take some settling after a feed, so I'll take him downstairs to pace around until he goes. He is incredibly loud, so there isn't a spot in the house that's far enough away to not hear him so the spare room doesn't work.
Earplugs aren't an option as I need to be able to hear our daughter if she wakes up as she's my responsibility overnight.

Thankfully she has learned to sleep through the crying (in the main), but at nearly 3, she is dreaming a lot and wakes 2 or 3 times during the night.

I shudder at the thought of twins, but I guess it at least they have the same needs at the same time.

 

[Southwick_Seagull]

Great thread.

In the middle of having two under two at the moment. Know the words to Stick Man off by heart, watched more Sesame Street than anyone should be subjected to and not sure I’ve slept past 6 in two years. Wouldn’t change a thing though.

 

[The Grockle]

As a parent of a wonderfully well behaved little 7 year old who has been a pleasure from birth I'm fully prepared for our new arrival to be the spawn of Satan when he or she arrives in August.

We were far from the textbook new parents but just got very lucky with a child who slept, ate and up to now behaved very well. I know amazing parents who have gone through hell so it's very much luck of the draw IMO.

For the reasons above I rarely give advice but I will say we found when my daughter was struggling with bedtime at around age 4 we tried an approach where we started her bedtime in stages at least an hour before we wanted her to sleep.
We'd start by dimming lights and softening our voices and noises around the house, we'd then stop any screens, tidy toys away ect. Then we'd read a short book in the front room with a Teddy and blanket, teeth and face we'd do together them we'd then take her to bed, arrange her soft toys together and read another story, her eyes would have got progressively heavier throughout the process and normally she'd fall asleep during or soon after the story. It was a routine that she quickly adapted to and was done quietly and calmly, we didn't even mention to her that it was bedtime.

 

[richoseagull]

Great thread. Have a 3 year old boy and an 8 month girl. Managed to get the 3 year old sleeping through the night after about 7 months or so, and thought we'd cracked it with the little one until the last few weeks where sleep longer than a couple of hours has become a thing of the past!

Toilet training has been a real challenge as well, as alanfp says, the eldest will stand in the corner and do his poo pose, but is mostly trying to hold it in as he seems to think it's terrible going to the toilet!

However he does have a lewis dunk kit and let's out random shouts of seagulls, Lewis Dunk or Solly March much to the annoyance of his non football loving mum

 

[Oh_aye]

Paraphrasing Rod Stewart "The first year is the hardest"

After a couple of years you'll suddenly think to yourself "We don't have to change nappies any more (or buy them!)" and "Isn't it lovely to see her running around smiling and laughing". You've presumably already had the "We don't need to wind her after every meal" conversation. That's probably a good time to start considering a sibling for her. She will love having a younger brother/sister and he/she will love having an older sister to learn from and to play with.

But that's just my view.... And remember that every child is different even if brought up the same (I speak as a father of twins!) so there's no way of knowing whether child No.2 will be easier or harder than child No.1.

I wish you well whatever you decide and well done for sharing on here.

This is a great message and echos what I was going to say. It's important to remember that everyone's experience was different but I was nervous about a 2nd one too. And my second was much more challenging sleep-wise than the 1st who slept like the proverbial and was a piece of piss - worth remembering this can work the other way round too! - but now the girls are a bit older 6 and 9 it's amazing to watch them grow up together, argue and laugh together and develop their identities with a little mate.

Also, although it doesn't feel like it at the time, those really needy years will soon seem like a distant memory, and are short in the wider scheme of things. Things start to change a lot when people can go to the toilet on their own, dress themselves, shower and change themselves for bed, want to read their own books without you and and can be reasoned with, and a different, calmer phase develops. We were abroad in the summer and I just sat on the beach watching them mess around together for hours without intervening while I sunk beers and read my book. I've got a picture on my phone of them on that beach as my screensaver hugging and posing for the photo and its an expression of pure joy and happiness.

In fact, I found, the strangest thing develops but you even start to miss those early days of baby work. The old adage that tragedy + time = comedy can be adapted for parenthood to read nervous exhaustion + time = nostalgia.

So to the OP and anyone else who feels they are struggling in the trenches at the moment, I feel ya, but there are many payoffs and amazing moments that make it worth it,even of it doesn't feel like it at the moment.

 

[Skaville]

We have two boys. The first one took two and half years to sleep through. Six months later, his brother arrived and took another two years to go through the night. They were testing times, but you get through it and it’s all worth it in the end.

They’re 16 and 13 now. It’s crazy how different they are.

The youngest is mad. He’s one of the most independent people I know, incredibly strong willed. He’s a non conformist and has hair like a young Robert Plant. He’s as sharp as a tack and an amazing sense of humour.

The eldest is 16 and a jock. He’s not enjoying school but he shares my love of football. He’ll be at Fulham tomorrow, has a game himself tomorrow morning and we’ll be in Rome on Thursday. Watching him play a very high standard of youth football over the years has been incredibly enjoyable.

I enjoyed the quote earlier in the thread. The days are long, but the years are short. So true.

 

[GloryDays]

Thanks for adding this thread.

Dad of a just-turned-one year old and while I absolutely adore her, it's been probably the hardest year of my life. Hard to explain that something that the majority of people do, can simultaneously be more difficult than more specialised things I've achieved, if that makes sense.

Julia Donaldson is brilliant though, as is whoever created Bluey.

Interested to hear from anyone who has more than one child. My wife and I have always spoken about having two, but if I'm honest I've struggled with one and I'm nervous how I'd manage with a second.

Sorry for turning the thread downwards somewhat

I found the first year quite hard, too. It is hard. Bloody hard.

So don’t worry.

 

[Berty23]

Toddlers are bloody hard work. As soon as a child can move they basically spend the next 2 year exploring their world or in other words try to find innovative ways to end their lives. Try to enjoy it though. Never wish away a day.

My kids are now 15 and 13 year old twins. Having three kids under 2 for a few months was ridiculous and looking back it past in a blur. Lack of sleep and my wife was diagnosed with cancer during pregnancy with the girls so as soon as they were born her treatment started. She is fine now but it was terrible for a while. Girls were born around the time of the South Africa World Cup so the sound of vuvuzelas sends me back to hellish time!

It is hard but treasure every bedtime story or every pointless discussion about nonsense. It all just suddenly stops. I am remarkably lucky that despite the kids growing up they still like a tuck in at bedtime. My 15 year old lad always wants a whack on the head with his teddy. Apart from that he is a lad’s lad and none of his friends would have a clue about it.

My one tip to anyone with toddlers is to get into the habit of all eating at the same time for an evening meal. It is a pain eating early at first but I got used to it. Now with teenagers everyone looks forward to meal times. No phones. No TV. Just the five of us spending time with each other. Our mealtimes are famous at the kids’ school because they are a brilliant laugh and the crap that gets talked, debates had etc. it is ridiculous but I am dreading the kids leaving and although I love my wife dearly it just won’t be the same.

The first few years seem like they last forever and are hard work. Then they start school which goes quickly then blink as they start year 7 and you are GCSE year. Is is difficult but never wish away a day. Have fun. And never feel guilty for thinking it is hard.

 

[Jaxie]

Thanks for starting this post, I’ve enjoyed reading the replies.
I have a 9 year old and a 5 year old. Before the youngest was born I was really torn. I didn’t want the eldest to be an only child, but I really didn’t want to have to do it all again. Having said that, those thoughts were long forgotten as soon as he was born and couldn’t imagine just having one now.
I found the age of around 18 months with both was when it started to be more fun for me as their dad, and I felt more useful.

Neither are interested in coming to Albion games though, what am I doing wrong?!

 

[WATFORD zero]

The thread has been a great read and reminds me so much of my two who are just under 2 years apart.

27 & 29

 

[GT49er]

As a parent of a wonderfully well behaved little 7 year old who has been a pleasure from birth I'm fully prepared for our new arrival to be the spawn of Satan when he or she arrives in August.

Yep, it's sometimes called second child syndrome - and it's sometimes real! Beware!


Good luck though.

 

[The Grockle]

Yep, it's sometimes called second child syndrome - and it's sometimes real! Beware!


Good luck though.

Thank you, we simply can't be so lucky second time round but very excited!