The most stupid thing you've seen someone do

[bhaexpress]

I once saw somebody buy a Season at Palarse

 

[Basil Fawlty]

Another thing I've done is when I was playing football in the back garden somehow I smashed my head against the flower pot.

 

[Mrs Coach]

Next door neighbour reversed into a low concrete bollard, ruptured her petrol tank which leaked into the road and traumatised by what she'd just done, she sparked up a fag whilst inspecting the damage.

Clever eh.

 

[HampshireSeagulls]

Put a knife through the centre of my hand trying to do the pencil-balancing trick.

Saw someone else blow their left hand off and incur additional injuries trying to prove that something wasn't explosive if you held it really tightly.....he had sold me a box of "special chinese fireworks" the year before which almost destroyed a friend's back garden. Considering the guy worked with munitions, he really should have known better!

Watched someone electrocute themselves. I dropped some iron filings into a lamp to get the firework display. They tried to drop them from closer, and touched the terminals.....the fuse went, so they were quite lucky, as I was hopelessly laughing and no use at all.

Saw someone vote Labour once as well.

 

[Trufflehound]

I once saw somebody buy a Season at Palarse

Don't believe you. Surely no one is THAT stupid?

 

[Dave the OAP]

When I was about 5, I used to go home from school to my Nana's house about 5 miles away ...getting a trolley bus on my own ( I was a very sad and lonely child). Anyway, I remember the bus almost coming to a halt and I jumped off....I went a over t and ended up cracking my head open, being taken to hospital and stiched . I still have the scar on my head now which you can see when my Missus cuts my hair ( like this morning)

When I was about 12, I was playing cricket and this older boy was samcking me all over the field, so in a fit of anger and rage I bowled this ball that leapt up and smacked him straight in the bollocks...I said " Good" as he fell down, not knowing that he had no box on and I had severed one of his testicles and pushed the other one back inside his body. He was off school for a year and I instantly bacame the hardest boy at school and everyone wanted to be my mate

I on the other hand was absolutely mortified thinking I had killed him

 

[Seagullible]

[
When I was about 12, I was playing cricket and this older boy was samcking me all over the field, so in a fit of anger and rage I bowled this ball that leapt up and smacked him straight in the bollocks...I said " Good" as he fell down, not knowing that he had no box on and I had severed one of his testicles and pushed the other one back inside his body. He was off school for a year and I instantly bacame the hardest boy at school and everyone wanted to be my mate

I on the other hand was absolutely mortified thinking I had killed him [/B][/QUOTE]



Girl at work put a Ginsters pasty in the microwave and set the timer for 2 hours with obvious results after about 10 minutes of cooking!
Really stupid thing is that her lunchbreak is only 1 hour

 

[Bozza]

I once saw somebody buy a Season at Palarse

What were you doing in, presumably, the Crystal Palace ticket office?

 

[seagulls4ever]

When I was about 5, I used to go home from school to my Nana's house about 5 miles away ...getting a trolley bus on my own ( I was a very sad and lonely child). Anyway, I remember the bus almost coming to a halt and I jumped off....I went a over t and ended up cracking my head open, being taken to hospital and stiched . I still have the scar on my head now which you can see when my Missus cuts my hair ( like this morning)

When I was about 12, I was playing cricket and this older boy was samcking me all over the field, so in a fit of anger and rage I bowled this ball that leapt up and smacked him straight in the bollocks...I said " Good" as he fell down, not knowing that he had no box on and I had severed one of his testicles and pushed the other one back inside his body. He was off school for a year and I instantly bacame the hardest boy at school and everyone wanted to be my mate

I on the other hand was absolutely mortified thinking I had killed him

 

[HampshireSeagulls]

I told my son that if a dog starts humping any part of your body, then flick it in the bollocks. The bloke down the road has a nasty, nasty packge of attitude on four legs. It was about to get frisky, and he was about to carry out the manoeuvre when I stopped him! I kicked the dog in the knackers instead, which took away it's lusty feelings. It considered taking my leg home as a plaything, but as we have "history" it thought better of it!

I have revised the advice to my son such that if a dog which is higher than your shoulder starts humping any part of your body, say "thank you" when it has finished and see if it wants a cigarette!

 

[RexCathedra]

Fellow Boy Scout demonstrated how to whistle using a leaf held vertically between the outsides of his two thumbs.

Sod used a poison ivy leaf.

How do you put calamine lotion on the roof of one's mouth?

 

[BensGrandad]

some years ago my grandmother had a large rectangular sink in what we called in those days the scullery. The sink was blocked so she got a bucket and undid the piping underneath the sink to unblock the trap. Eventually she cleared it and the water gushed out filling the bucket so she emptied the bucket down the nearest available place....... the sink. You can guess the rest!

 

[Gully]

When I was a kid we had a vet living in the same road. He had a large shed in the garden that he kept animals in during treatment, one day he decided that he wanted to get rid of it. Being a lazy person by nature he decided that instead of taking it down bit by bit he would burn it gradually, starting with one corner and hopefully ending with the other. Things didn't go quite according to plan, the shed went up very quickly, taking a hedge and large tree with it, fortunately he lived opposite the Fire Station.

 

[bhaexpress]

What were you doing in, presumably, the Crystal Palace ticket office?

Buying a ticket to see Wimbledon play Liverpool with a scouse mate of mine. I used to live near there (I was doing missionary work).

 

[Brighton Breezy]

Quite a few of McGhee's substitutions would be well up there...

 

[Lokki 7]

I didn't actually see it happen, but I did used to work with this guy. He was very pissed one night years ago at the roof gardens in Kensington. He decided to go out to the gardens to get some air and marvel at the live flamingos that they used to have in the water feature up there. Anyhoo, being a little worse for wear he gets the marvellous idea to set one of these beautiful creatures free, so he marches into the pond, grabs a flamingo, wrestles it to the edge of the building (the roof garden is about 7 floors up) and throws it into the night with the immortal words, "fly birdie fly!" Unfortunately for the flamingo, it's wings had been clipped and so plummeted 7 floors to a very messy death on the pavement below.

 

[mejonaNO12 aka riskit]

i smashed a golf ball into my freinds face from 10 yards.

he was lying there in a pool of blood and told me to ''uckin ing e ambwance oo ****''

and then i asked calmly

''which fone shall i use? mine hasnt got much credit''

late on at the hospital while the doctor was sticking is finger through the whole in my freinds skin he informed me that if he had not turned round and taken the ball to the lower jaw then he would not just have a hole, but he would be dead

good to know

 

[Tricky Dicky]

I didn't actually see it happen, but I did used to work with this guy. He was very pissed one night years ago at the roof gardens in Kensington. He decided to go out to the gardens to get some air and marvel at the live flamingos that they used to have in the water feature up there. Anyhoo, being a little worse for wear he gets the marvellous idea to set one of these beautiful creatures free, so he marches into the pond, grabs a flamingo, wrestles it to the edge of the building (the roof garden is about 7 floors up) and throws it into the night with the immortal words, "fly birdie fly!" Unfortunately for the flamingo, it's wings had been clipped and so plummeted 7 floors to a very messy death on the pavement below.

I know it's wrong but this really made me laugh somehow !

 

[H block]

I once saw a Albion manager play a right footed youngster on the left wing, a centre forward at right back, a centre back at left back, a midfielder at right back and a left winger on the right hand side upfront.

 

[Simon Morgan]

A few years back,I went to Spain with some mates. It was a very hot day and my mate was not in the greatest of moods. I had a bottle of Pepsi, and took a swig of it. Still nearly full, I put the bottle on the floor (with the lid on) whilst I got some change out of my wallet or something. Fairly near us were a group of very old Spanish women, one of them in a wheelchair. My friend didn't see them and in his anger, he kicked my bottle high up into the air and it landed right on the lap of the woman in the wheelchair. I won't elaborate too much on the consequences, but there was lots of shouting and screaming!