Myself and 3 mates once got hammered and for some unknown reason decided we would get a tin of white emulsion and paint a giant penis on a mates lawn, unfortunately we all lived at home at the time so this mates parents were less than impressed they even called the police about this act of vandalism. Even when they cut the grass the paint had killed it so there was still an impression of a giant cock on the front lawn for all the neighbours to see.
Needless to say we have never confessed to this, but my god it was hard not to burst out laughing when he was telling us.
Also once in Illusions in Worthing on 80's night - entrance, 80p drinks etc etc.
Chatting up some girl in the bar in there and she went of to the toilet one of mates came over and got all the usual banter in, with one comment "Dam busters special award there mate" she was a blessed girl in the breast department. Turned round and she was standing there and had heard every word! Needless to say i went home alone that night
I know a really fat bloke who finally started dating a girl, and he really liked her. He'd been the perfect gentleman for three weeks, though a little frustrated. He then got hammered & sent a text message to her saying, "When do I get to fist you". He woke up in the morning with a text message from her saying, "never contact me again"