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That Noah Blockbuster Film "massive spoiler alert "
- Thread starter pastafarian
- Start date
I've always found these stories to be reported as absolute gospel (if you'll pardon the pun) - and when science proves it to be a load of bullshit, they become 'stories about morality rather than word descriptions of what happened.'
Sergei's Celebration
Well-known member
Watched it at the cinema and as Noah was getting himself in a pickle in the middle of the movie i said to the girlfriend (a bit too loud) 'Dont worry, he'll be ok...i've read the book'. Lots of chuckles from the darkness. 
Buzzer
Languidly Clinical
- Oct 1, 2006
- 26,121
Was American Hustle this year? I enjoyed Chef recently. Sometimes it's fun to watch a film that doesn't have too much swearing, no violence, no sex...just a strong cast, laughs, a catchy soundtrack and a great feelgood factor. It's very much in the vein of Little Miss Sunshine.
I thought Noah was appalling. The CGI looked terribly amateurish at times, Emma Watson was wasted in her role, providing nothing more than a whiney piece of eye candy. Noah's wife? Might as well have not been there. The sons characters were barely two-dimensional and so wooden. Ray Winstone hammed it up like the old trooper that he is and was good value for it.
Russell Crowe? I really don't know what to make of that performance. He looked quite disinterested at times and frankly I couldn't care if they all lived or died. I don't usually mind glaring diversions to a storyline but the addition of the Watchers was laughably bad. Obviously brought in to explain away how Noah could build a ruddy great Ark by himself, someone in production had taken a look at the Ents in Lord of the Rings and thought 'yes, that's what we'll have. Just make them out of stone this time'.
As for that nonsense of a character that Sir Anthony Hopkins played. Dear oh dear oh dear. God incarnate who spoke in riddles and obsessed with berries. I've not been so unimpressed with a movie since Tron - the remake.
skipper734
Registered ruffian
Although watchable because of the only human in it, All is Lost is the most inaccurate film of the year..........ever.
Ravids
Active member
Noah was absolutely terrible, anyone who thinks otherwise is deluded. You can find so many general flaws with it quite easily.
hitony
Administrator
"massive spoiler alert " added to the title at the request of the OP.
Grand Budapest Hotel was excellent but American Hustle was a massive disappointment to me.
Still better than Noah surely?
Trufflehound
Re-enfranchised
This is NSC. Just because you haven't seen a film doesn't mean you can't express your in-depth hatred of it.
Me neither
I found American Hustle an uncomfortable watch. It was just so greasy and slick and sweaty. Bit overlong as well.
Good point [MENTION=736]Trufflehound[/MENTION].
Noah is absolutely turd - which is why I'm not going to see it.
[MENTION=12101]Mellotron[/MENTION], you are right about AH being way too long. It gives the impression that it thinks it is cleverer than it is. I saw nothing in that film that made me think the UK Hustle TV series hadn't done it better already.
Noah is absolutely turd - which is why I'm not going to see it.
[MENTION=12101]Mellotron[/MENTION], you are right about AH being way too long. It gives the impression that it thinks it is cleverer than it is. I saw nothing in that film that made me think the UK Hustle TV series hadn't done it better already.
Uncle Spielberg
Well-known member
A lot of top critics loved Noah
90
The Hollywood Reporter Todd McCarthy
Darren Aronofsky wrestles one of scripture's most primal stories to the ground and extracts something vital and audacious, while also pushing some aggressive environmentalism, in Noah.
88
Chicago Sun-Times Richard Roeper
This is a Noah for the 21st century, one of the most dazzling and unforgettable biblical epics ever put on film.
80
Empire Dan Jolin
Inventive, ambitious, brutal and beautiful: a potent mythological epic. But also wilfully challenging, as likely to infuriate as inspire, whether through its unmitigated Old Testament harshness or its eco-message revisionism. If only more blockbusters were like this.
80
Variety Scott Foundas
It is never less than fascinating - and sometimes dazzling - in its ambitions.
80
Wall Street Journal Joe Morgenstern
Noah can be silly or sublime, but it's never less than fascinating. I was on board from start to finish.
90
The Hollywood Reporter Todd McCarthy
Darren Aronofsky wrestles one of scripture's most primal stories to the ground and extracts something vital and audacious, while also pushing some aggressive environmentalism, in Noah.
88
Chicago Sun-Times Richard Roeper
This is a Noah for the 21st century, one of the most dazzling and unforgettable biblical epics ever put on film.
80
Empire Dan Jolin
Inventive, ambitious, brutal and beautiful: a potent mythological epic. But also wilfully challenging, as likely to infuriate as inspire, whether through its unmitigated Old Testament harshness or its eco-message revisionism. If only more blockbusters were like this.
80
Variety Scott Foundas
It is never less than fascinating - and sometimes dazzling - in its ambitions.
80
Wall Street Journal Joe Morgenstern
Noah can be silly or sublime, but it's never less than fascinating. I was on board from start to finish.
Uncle Spielberg
Well-known member
Ok, Simster 
Ok, Simster
It's all about what different people want from a film, isn't it?
For me, a film needs to tick a few of the following boxes:
Well acted
Interesting plot
Engaging characters
Well written dialogue
Meanwhile, I couldn't give LESS of a shit about:
Special FX
Big bangs and booms
3D
Thus, I'm going to hate a film like Avatar, and love a film like Withnail & I.
Meanwhile, though who like fizzbangs and seeing what computers can do (why not just watch a tech demo rather than sit through 2 hours with rubbish dialogue and plot to get to the tech demo bits?) will like Transformers etc.
MattBackHome
Well-known member
- Jul 7, 2003
- 11,876
You don't need to see the film to know that Noah is a right old load of gash on toast.
Though not quite as bad as the remake of Robocop, which I also haven't seen.
Though not quite as bad as the remake of Robocop, which I also haven't seen.
Tom Hark Preston Park
Will Post For Cash
- Jul 6, 2003
- 72,358
Normally I'd agree with you 100% on this one, but have to confess to thoroughly enjoying Gravity despite the presence of George Clooney and Sandra Bullock and any kind of believable element whatsoever. Maybe that was a one-off? Would still have preferred if she'd had to do battle with a shark at the end tho.