Stupidest person you've worked with

[kevo]

Inspired by Brovion's post below, who is the thickest person you've had the misfortune to share an office with?

Years ago at work, we were having a Spanish promotion (sponsored by San Miguel lager) and asked this girl in marketing to approach some travel companies for offers we could use for competitions to win holidays in Spain. Deadline was approaching, and we were getting worried she hadn't come up with anything.

She finally delivers - and walks up to my desk all smiles - 'I've managed to get two amazing offers for you - A weekend in Rome and a tour of the Bay of Naples...'



Block Names at the Amex (upper ones)..

 

[happypig]

I used to work with a woman I shall call Doreen (cos that was her name).
Questions she asked included :
"Do I need a passport to go to the isle of wight ?"
"Is Paris in Germany ?"
"If I unplug something without turning the switch off, will electricity leak out of the holes ?"

The answer to all of which we convinced her was "yes". We also persuaded her that you need innoculations to go to Scotland and she made a doctor's appointment to get them.

 

[lawros left foot]

Was on the same ship as a brummie bloke in the navy, who rennovated his house by taking down all the supporting walls,then got a builder in to sort it out.The builder refused to go in the house,until he had propped up the inside.He also used to show me dodgy Polaroids of his missus, who to be fair was no beauty queen.

 

[Lankyseagull]

"If I unplug something without turning the switch off, will electricity leak out of the holes ?"

that reminds me a story that an electrician friend once told me. He'd been called out to an elderly lady's house because she was concerned that there was foul smelling gunk coming out of several of the sockets around the house. The electrician could not understand where it was coming from until the old girl said "do you think it's the electricity leaking because I'm not putting enough plasticine in the little holes?" Poor guy didn't know where to put himself as he tried not to laugh.

 

[Brownstuff]

Not so much a workmate and he is normally not that stupid.
But on the train to Cardiff for the playoff final against Bristol City I asked one of my mates how many euros he brought with him.
We convinced him that he wouldn't be able to buy beer etc in Cardiff without euros and that he was screwed as being a sunday there wouldn't be any money exchange shops open.
He was bricking it for the rest of the journey and pleaded with us to sell him some euros.

 

[KneeOn]

Little Sam - he got dicked on pretty bad his first week at my old store and I watched him count ice from our ice machine and go in to the office and ask our Business Manager for a left handed spatula.

He then tried to get some one else by asking them to go get orange tongs from the office.

Needless to say his attempt at f***ing some one over was the worst anyone had ever seen, and he very quickly learned that he's a bit shit at messing people up.

I@ve heard stories about people being asked to go to the Tesco or M&S either side of my old store for a glass hammer or a long weight but that was before i worked there.

 

[Stat Brother]

I'm a postman.

 

[little al]

We had a bloke who after nearly a month of being with us asked me what time our breaks and lunch was.

 

[El Sid]

Many years ago I was working in a bakery. One of the ovens caught fire.

I shouted to this bloke to call for the fire brigade. Unfortunately he missed off a 9.

10 minutes later an ice cream van turned up.

 

[Lyndhurst 14]

When you work in the States there are so many to choose from…………….

 

[Muzzy]

2 separate colleagues,

1, out having a company meal he was asked by the waiter how he would like his steak? He replied "with chips"!!!

2. I managed to persuade a colleague whilst on the Isle of Wight ferry to go and find the Bureau de Change to change some money up for Isle of Wight Widgets!!

 

[Superphil]

Back in 1986 we had a strange lad from oop north start at the sign company I worked at. He had trained to be a sign writer, and had submitted a sample, a well painted small door sign which read, "Directer". I guess my boss took pity on him and gave him a job, working with me. He was called Sam (more about that later)

I used to operate the computer controlled kit that cut out letters and logos from materials like Perspex, aluminium, PVC etc. Now, considering this was 1986, there was no such thing as CAD in our industry, the machinery had a simple one line LED input for typing in text on a keyboard, and selecting the font and ketter size from a list of numbered cartridges plugged in the back. I had typed in the name of a Nissan garage (we made Nissan signs) and also I think the address, all ready to cut out in PVC for application to the signs. Now unbeknownst to me, for some unfathamoble reason, Sam had decided to add in some text of his own whilst I wasn't looking. I set the machine off cutting out the garage name and address, as it finished cutting out the address it carried on, and cut out in 8" high Nissan font letters a weird poem that Sam had typed in while I wasn't looking. .

BTW, we though he was call Sam because that is what he said, "my name's Saam" *northern accent.

2 weeks later the production manager told me that Simon was not coming back as he didn't feel he fitted in. Who the f*** is Simon, oh.

 

[Pevenseagull]

for the 4 years I worked for AMEX one of my colleagues thought that her department was in the remit of 'EMEA' because her line manager was called Emma

she was on over 40K

 

[Titus]

I was a milkman many years ago, and I was asked to show a new kid the ropes the following day. He turned up at 4am in his car and stuck his head out of the window and asked if it was ok to go home. I asked why and he said, "Well it's raining, we don't work in the rain surely."

 

[Chicken Runner61]

A "Sam" I knew once asked us when we were in Germany if you could get Hay fever out here!

He also told us that once when he never had a condom he used a empty packet of Cheese & onion crisps

 

[Miocene]

Had a women at work who had to go into town at lunch. 2 hours go past no sign of her.

Anyway, she eventually returns saying "sorry for being so long, the parking sign said "no return within 2 hours" so couldn't go back to the car for ages"

 

[Worthingite]

I was running a pub some years ago, and decided to play a prank on our new potwash who was slightly "simple" shall we say. Backfired immensely though, as I sent him to Wickes for a Glass Hammer. The staff, clearly having had this happening one too many times, sent him back with one of these....Bastards....

http://www.homebase.co.uk/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?langId=110&storeId=10151&partNumber=575233

 

[Noldi]

I worked with a guy in Dorking, he even had a green piece of paper to prove he was bonkers but he was actually quite clever. He used to walk in the yard about 8:20 in the morning late, his boss stormed out into the yard "WHAT TIME DO YOU CALL THIS YOUR LATE" Ron would roll up his sleeve and anounced 7:55 looking at his watch (he would alter it) the Boss just shook his head and go back into his office. We asked Ron why he was late, " road works he would say" but Ron you walk to work, he would stand at the road works watching them work and that made him late. He wasn't the brightest lamp in the street. One time he was painting the yellow lines around the factory and in doorways it was pinted keep clear, his boss gave him a piece of paper with keep clear written on it so Ron could mark keep clear in the doorways even where it was worn away so I was not just a case of reprinting over the old writing Ron thinking hey I'm a dog with 2 cocks I can spell and to prove it it was painted all over the workshop floor he was so happy even if he's boss wasn't.

 

[Silk]

I used to house share with some colleagues. One young lady, while perhaps not stupid, had led something of a sheltered life and Mummy and Daddy had done everything for her. Consequently she was hopelessly unprepared for looking after herself.

On one occasion she came into the kitchen while I was cooking myself a meal, and at that moment I was mashing spuds with a potato masher. After watching me for a moment she said "oh, that's a good idea!". Confused, I replied "what's that?", and she said "using one of those to mash potatoes". She was suitably embarrassed when I explained that it was a potato masher, and was actually designed for that purpose.

Watching her trying to put up an ironing board was hilarious.

 

[ali jenkins]

I once got a young lad I worked with to mop up the water in the car park after it had been raining as it was a slip hazard. Not only did he do it no questioned asked but he put 3 'wet floor' signs aswell.