stupidest people you've ever known

[alan partridge]

with examples please

i was working in a small school with the biggest f*** wit ever. i could go on for hours but here's one example. we were discussing the xmas kids party, to which all the kids had to bring one present which would then be put into a bag for father xmas to distribute randomly later on, so every kid got a different present. now, ofcourse there was always going to be f*** ups, with some kids not bring a present, that kind of thing, so we had to discuss what to do if one of these kids didn't bring a present.

as a joke i said we should round them up, stick em on the stage,put the spotlight on them and then get all the other kids to point at them and go 'BOOOOOOO!'

this idiot of a woman said in complete seriousness whilst other people in the room laughed : 'no, thats terrible, we can't do that!'

god i hated/hate her

 

[Eddie the Seagull]

Boooooooooo ..............LOL!

It was Sunday April 1st 2001 & my Fianceès son came upstairs with a cup of tea & asked if I wanted a paper from the newsagent (inotherwords he wanted some sweet money!).

So for an April Fools joke I asked him (aged 11) to ask for a left handed screw driver, tartan paint & a long stand whilst he was there.

Of course he came back empty handed, apart from my paper & his sweets.

When I asked him where the other items were he replied; "I did ask the lady but she said that they didn't have them & to try the hardware shop in the high street when it opens tomorrow" .

I didn't let on to him but I was flabergasted at the denseness of the shop assistant!

 

[Wilts]

When I was about 12, one of the kids in my year at school decided (with a few mates) to carry out an armed robbery on the Wokingham - Reading train. They took all the money and bits of jewellery from the passengers, but when everyone got off at the end, they decided to stay on the train. Notably, someone had also got off at a previous station and called the police, so when they arrived at Reading station there was a nice handy mob of policemen (around 15 of the them) ready to catch them on the spot red-handed, with them in possession of around 20 wallets/purses each and jewellery around their necks. I imagine they found it pretty hard to argue their case.

Some people.

 

[bhaexpress]

I've had the misfortune to meet more than a few idiots in my time. One of the best was the house mate of an ex girlfriend of mine.

She was a millionaire's daughter and lived in a swish condo in New Jersey. She had a bathroom en suite which included a jacuzzi. Said jacuzzi had a leaking faucett (tap to you and me) and this brain dead idiot decided to fix it ...... Would have been okay but for one thing ..... He forgot to turn off the water at the mains !

Now, Jacuzzis have a high pressure supply and the pillock managed to literally drench the entire house including flooding the basement to a level of 6' !!! It had to be pumped out.

I thought he was the limit but I have now discovered that my fiancee's ex-husband can give this bloke a run for his money. It's a complicated (and boring to most) story so just take my word for it !

 

[afc womble]

palace fans

 

[Happy Seagull]

The bosses son where i work. A f***ing complete muppet!!!!!!!
Still hasn't worked out the difference betweem CM's and Inches

 

[Shizuoka Dolphin]

Years ago me and Safeway used to run a team called Whitley Wanderers - the name of our road. One afternoon we, and a few others, were considering alternative names for the team.

Whitley United, Whitley Albion, AFC Whitley, Whitely County...

The one our mates pipes up with Moscow Whitley! D'oh!

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

Myself

 

[Wilts]

I did go out for 5 hours once, and wanted to cook a whole chicken in the oven which only takes 2.5 hours, so I put it on half heat for twice as long.

 

[bhaexpress]

The bosses son where i work. A f***ing complete muppet!!!!!!!
Still hasn't worked out the difference betweem CM's and Inches

Bet his girlfriend is disappointed

 

[alan partridge]

Bet his girlfriend is disappointed

 

[Turkey]

I did go out for 5 hours once, and wanted to cook a whole chicken in the oven which only takes 2.5 hours, so I put it on half heat for twice as long.

Does that not work then?

 

[Wilts]

Does that not work then?

It succeeds only in giving salmonella to anyone who attempts to eat it. Put it this way, imagine that at 200 degrees for 2 hours gets it cooked, but if you put it in at 10 degrees for 40 hours it'll just still be fecking cold. My housemate laughed, until I put the infested chicken in his bed. Muhahaha.

 

[Rambo]

I once knew a manager who, won his first game and drew his second, gave everyone false hope, then proceeded to lose 12 and effectively relegate his team, the thing is, his boss was even worse because he hired him.
Cant remember his name though...?

 

[Turkey]

It succeeds only in giving salmonella to anyone who attempts to eat it. Put it this way, imagine that at 200 degrees for 2 hours gets it cooked, but if you put it in at 10 degrees for 40 hours it'll just still be fecking cold. My housemate laughed, until I put the infested chicken in his bed. Muhahaha.

 

[Van der Gully]

A couple of years ago one of the lads who works in our warehouse decided to have a go at driving the forklift, despite never having driven one before. It went fairly well to start off with, he managed to drive about for a bit but then made the error of engaging a forward gear instead of reverse and shot forwards through a wall and into a storeroom. It was lucky for him that nobody was working in there at the time, we all pi$$ed outselves laughing, the best bit was that he didn't get fired or billed for the broken wall!!!

 

[Lord Cornwallis]

The answer to your question is, most Americans. They just seem to be so gulible.
I once even convinced an older yank [who should know better] that Stonehenge was built of foam plastic and only put up in the summer for tourists.
Installing the kitchen cabinets in a show home a couple of years ago the big talking point for this dizzy designer tart was the 100 year old floor tile, taken up from a French monistary, cleaned, crated and relayed in the house. There was one tile left in the center of the floor with a paw print in it. The designer says to me one day, "You'll appriciate this tile, being European." [?]
"Yes, very nice" I said,"Especially the paw print. Must have been a French poodle, was it ?"
"Oh I don't know what type of dog it was."
Say she with a straight face. WHOOOOOOOOOSH.

 

[bhaexpress]

I was in an outlet mall near Austin and paid for something with a credit card that was splitting in two. The assistant pointed this out and I told her that it was because my credit was nearly tapped out on that card and it would split in two when my credit limit was reached.

I also convinced another that my Diesel watch really ran on diesel .......

I had to show my ID to get into a club one time (I mean, I do look over 21, just) and the guy looked at my license and got confused. He asked me where ENgland was so I told it was a small place 'back east'. Oh he says, none the wiser !

 

[Strangull]

I once knew a manager who, won his first game and drew his second, gave everyone false hope, then proceeded to lose 12 and effectively relegate his team, the thing is, his boss was even worse because he hired him.
Cant remember his name though...?

Then get given another highly paid job at the club and a very nice Merc to drive !! Not bad if you can get it

 

[¤DãŃn¥ §êãGüLL¤]

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