[Humour] Should I Post a Joke du Jour?

[Seagull's Return]

Aha - I see what you did there, very drole. This must be the right place!

 

[rogersix]

There was an Irishman, a Scotsman ..... OK, not acceptable nowadays.

do they both want hughton back as manager?

 

[Uh_huh_him]

I did enjoy the one told by Peter Brackley (as Greavsie) on the Ian St John thread the other day

 

[RossyG]

This thread is very meta.

 

[Dorset Seagull]

Ok times up its time to hijack the thread

Woman comes back from her 60th birthday medical check and says to her husband “The doctor says I have the legs of an 18 year old and the breasts of a 21 yr old”. Husband replies “what did he say about your 60 yr old tw@t” Wife says “He never mentioned you”

 

[Superphil]

Nah

 

[Coldeanseagull]

Come on Jack, or I'll go all Nike

Just do it

 

[Dick Swiveller]

Let's go with an old school one. On their Wedding Night, a couple are in their honeymoon suite and about to get intimate for the first time. The husband tells his wife he has a surprise for her and makes her close her eyes. He removes his false leg and places her hand on his stump. "What do you make of that?" he asks.

She smiles sweetly. "Well that is a surprise but pass me the Vaseline and I will see what I can do".

I have a feeling that joke is as old as me.

 

[Coldeanseagull]

Let's go with an old school one. On their Wedding Night, a couple are in their honeymoon suite and about to get intimate for the first time. The husband tells his wife he has a surprise for her and makes her close her eyes. He removes his false leg and places her hand on his stump. "What do you make of that?" he asks.

She smiles sweetly. "Well that is a surprise but pass me the Vaseline and I will see what I can do".

I have a feeling that joke is as old as me.

You're right, it's such an old joke, I chuckled in imperial

 

[Questions]

Let's go with an old school one. On their Wedding Night, a couple are in their honeymoon suite and about to get intimate for the first time. The husband tells his wife he has a surprise for her and makes her close her eyes. He removes his false leg and places her hand on his stump. "What do you make of that?" he asks.

She smiles sweetly. "Well that is a surprise but pass me the Vaseline and I will see what I can do".

I have a feeling that joke is as old as me.

See I don’t get that. She would have notice he walked with a limp and enquired surely. Unless she thought she could take on his stump with Vaseline which would make her some some sort of weird ****er which is not indicated in the original text.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

How do you keep a load of old wankers in suspense?

 

[Pavilionaire]

How do you keep a load of old wankers in suspense?

Deliberately release no statement re Roy Hodgson's new contract negotiations?

 

[AmexRuislip]

The beer connoisseurs on here can provide the canned laughter for you [MENTION=259]Jack Straw[/MENTION]

 

[Dick Swiveller]

See I don’t get that. She would have notice he walked with a limp and enquired surely. Unless she thought she could take on his stump with Vaseline which would make her some some sort of weird ****er which is not indicated in the original text.

I assumed he had some kind of skin condition and petroleum jelly might help ease it. Never understood why my parents thought it so funny. Suppose you could laugh at amputee suffering in those days. Wouldn't be allowed with the Woke brigade.

 

[Dick Swiveller]

You're right, it's such an old joke, I chuckled in imperial

That took you furlong enough. And I bet you half-inched that line from someone else. Florin Andone, maybe. Having a Peck at my joke.

 

[Questions]

I assumed he had some kind of skin condition and petroleum jelly might help ease it. Never understood why my parents thought it so funny. Suppose you could laugh at amputee suffering in those days. Wouldn't be allowed with the Woke brigade.

One of my friends had a leg amputated at the knee. We do black humour darker than most so he just saw it as a sex aid.

 

[TugWilson]

As Peter Cook said to Dudley Moore " i have nothing against your right leg , trouble is nor do you "

 

[Mr Bridger]

How do you keep a load of old wankers in suspense?

Speaking of which....

My doctor recently asked me if I would consider stopping masturbating. When I enquired as to why, he said it was so he could finish the colonoscopy....

 

[AmexRuislip]

"You've been a naughty boy."
"We're going to have to sort you out."
"Guns aren't our thing."
"Slitting your throat would be too good for you."
"I reckon we should make it slow." "And painful."
"We've decided to hit your head repeatedly with the fifth book of the Old Testament."
"That's due to Ron and me."








In light of Harry & Megan's interview with Oprah, the government will be soon utilising an unexpected renewable energy source.
Prince Phillip spinning in his grave is expected to generate enough power to light up a whole county.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Man wakes up in hospital and says (in a panic-stricken voice obviously) "Doctor! I can't feel my legs!" "Nothing to worry about" says the doctor, "we've amputated your arms"