[Technology] Screen time for kids - bending the rules

[razer]

I would (and have been) be silently proud of my kids outsmarting me. Nothing like a bit of initiative.

 

[bluenitsuj]

We put a restriction on Internet via the router. It blocked any Internet to my daughters phone but not ours, at set times.

 

[HeaviestTed]

This isn’t a technology problem, it’s a people problem - you need to decide what the rules are and get the kids to follow the rules.

Also instead of restricting them to x hours which is an arbitrary number think about what your actual aims are - if they are allowed TikTok one or two hours makes no difference really - is it that you want them to do their homework? Interact with the family? Go for a walk? Then say those things need to happen and then they can go on their apps?

 

[Han Solo]

"Screen time" is like telling the alcoholic they can only drink after 18.00.

Its a hopeless idea pushed by the tech companies to avoid regulation against creating more and more addictive things that suck kids in like the purest heroin. Once you've done the "screen time" thing you've also declared screen time as desirable.

There's no easy way around it, hence everyone young & old being drawn into screen stuff.

If I get a kid I will experiment a bit to see if there's a solution. I'm thinking about strapping it to a chair and forcing it to watch the most boring shit (some grainy 1970s WW1 documentary or something) on the web until it sees the benefits of... dunno, watching a stick in the forest. In case of the emergence of an entity like that, I will report back in ~20 years to tell you how it went.

 

[The Optimist]

Mine are two and five, so haven’t reached these issues yet. But definitely taking notes. I think @HeaviestTed and @Han Solo both make some interesting points.

At what age might the requests for a phone start? I’m a bit worried it might be earlier than I’m expecting.

 

[dazzer6666]

"Screen time" is like telling the alcoholic they can only drink after 18.00.

Its a hopeless idea pushed by the tech companies to avoid regulation against creating more and more addictive things that suck kids in like the purest heroin. Once you've done the "screen time" thing you've also declared screen time as desirable.

There's no easy way around it, hence everyone young & old being drawn into screen stuff.

If I get a kid I will experiment a bit to see if there's a solution. I'm thinking about strapping it to a chair and forcing it to watch the most boring shit (some grainy 1970s WW1 documentary or something) on the web until it sees the benefits of... dunno, watching a stick in the forest. In case of the emergence of an entity like that, I will report back in ~20 years to tell you how it went.

Mrs Brown’s Boys is what you’ll need.

 

[Reagulls]

My brother and his wife had a rule that their kids (teenagers at the time) had to leave their phones on the fireplace before going to bed otherwise they'd stay up late on a school night messaging their friends until the early hours.
One such night my sister in law needed a phone number which my niece would likely have stored on her phone, she turned the phone on and it said "no sim card"
my niece had obtained herself another phone and was taking the sim card out of the phone she left on the fireplace each night and putting it in the phone she had hidden in her room. she got a bollocking as expected but we did all appreciate the level of sneakiness.

 

[Bozza]

Mrs Brown’s Boys is what you’ll need.

I was going to suggest purest Potterball.

 

[Paulie Gualtieri]

What’s Barber suggested?

 

[Nobby Cybergoat]

The solution to your problem OP, isn't a technical one, it's a conversational one. Time to dig deep into those daddy skills

 

[Berty23]

Have you asked them? One of my kids I phones is definitely recently over reporting their screen time (eg coming up with 7 hours when their phone has definitely not been used, other than say 30 mins).

We have had a good chat about it. She is telling lies. It stops after each chat for a little while and then miraculously starts again.

 

[SkirlieWirlie]

In addition to some of the suggestions so far, a few other "workarounds" discussed here:

How is my child bypassing screentime limi… - Apple Community

discussions.apple.com

 

[Berty23]

The solution to your problem OP, isn't a technical one, it's a conversational one. Time to dig deep into those daddy skills

I have tried that. She listens for a bit then decides to take the pi55 again. She told me this morning she is going to try to get a better job than her paper round so she can move out sooner. Going well so far.

 

[mejonaNO12 aka riskit]

I don't envy this. The whole issues of phones really worries me for the future (my 2 are too young for phones). This is a separate point but we recently sat down and watch the Emma/Matt Willis programme where they had a group of of school kids, around 12 years old or so go without their phones for 3 weeks. Sure, the first few days we're mad and they felt completely lost but they all came out of It just nicer people. Sitting down at dinner and talking, noticeable more switched on at school etc and even saying "I don't think I'll bother turning it back on yet" when they finally got their phones back. As a warning the programme was dotted with a few horror stories and also showing how scarily easy it is to access pretty horrendous stuff without actively searching for it, so some of it was a tough watch.

My two are young so nowhere near phone age but we now, as parents, try our hardest to not have the phones present when we are all together. My daughter would ask me a question and if I was having a think about the answer she would quite quickly say "why don't you ask your phone".

That made me go cold. Oh god, do I really do that? So now I get home and the phone is left upstairs. 5pm onwards I am not looking at my phone. In the morning is the same. Sit down, eat together, have the radio on but have a chat.

I'm not naive. I know the time will come where they want phones but I'm hoping that I can start early with showing that they are not attached to us. Somewhat embarrassingly (but I'm also pleased) they are bewildered when we go for meals and they see people on the same table looking at their phones. "Why aren't they talking?".

I'm not writing this as a "I've got it right". My two are 7 and 3. In fact it was very much a realisation that I was contributing to bad trends early on at home, under the impression that because we don't need "devices" when we go out we had got it right. I was wrong.

 

[WATFORD zero]

Some years ago, my then teenage daughter wanted something and we wouldn't allow it.

In that teenage temper tantrum voice I got, "You're the strictest parents out of all my friends at school". I said "thank you" and she went ballistic "IT WASN'T MEANT TO BE A BLOODY COMPLIMENT".

And a friend of mine that moved out of town a few years back and then had to break it to his teenage daughter that they couldn't get broadband. "I TOLD YOU THIS WOULD HAPPEN IF WE MOVED TO F***ING NARNIA !"

Teenagers - don't you love 'em

(It was easier back then, no phones at the dinner table, phones downstairs charging when you go to bed and TVs didn't have Internet access)

 

[Nobby Cybergoat]

I have tried that. She listens for a bit then decides to take the pi55 again. She told me this morning she is going to try to get a better job than her paper round so she can move out sooner. Going well so far.

It's not easy mate. Of course it isn't easy. But it's either give up or keep trying to talk.

It sounds like the phone thing might be the catalyst for other things she's got going on in her head.

Anyway, patience, persistence, love, calmness, clear boundaries ... this is the best advice I can give. But this won't be solved overnight

 

[Nobby Cybergoat]

I don't envy this. The whole issues of phones really worries me for the future (my 2 are too young for phones). This is a separate point but we recently sat down and watch the Emma/Matt Willis programme where they had a group of of school kids, around 12 years old or so go without their phones for 3 weeks. Sure, the first few days we're mad and they felt completely lost but they all came out of It just nicer people. Sitting down at dinner and talking, noticeable more switched on at school etc and even saying "I don't think I'll bother turning it back on yet" when they finally got their phones back. As a warning the programme was dotted with a few horror stories and also showing how scarily easy it is to access pretty horrendous stuff without actively searching for it, so some of it was a tough watch.

My two are young so nowhere near phone age but we now, as parents, try our hardest to not have the phones present when we are all together. My daughter would ask me a question and if I was having a think about the answer she would quite quickly say "why don't you ask your phone".

That made me go cold. Oh god, do I really do that? So now I get home and the phone is left upstairs. 5pm onwards I am not looking at my phone. In the morning is the same. Sit down, eat together, have the radio on but have a chat.

I'm not naive. I know the time will come where they want phones but I'm hoping that I can start early with showing that they are not attached to us. Somewhat embarrassingly (but I'm also pleased) they are bewildered when we go for meals and they see people on the same table looking at their phones. "Why aren't they talking?".

I'm not writing this as a "I've got it right". My two are 7 and 3. In fact it was very much a realisation that I was contributing to bad trends early on at home, under the impression that because we don't need "devices" when we go out we had got it right. I was wrong.

Yes mate, you're on the right lines. At this point they are watching you for cues of how adults behave. Setting a good example here will likely buy you another joyous couple of years of not dealing with the sort of s*** the OP is

 

[Faldo]

One thing to try - I find the screen time controls extremely glitchy and often get thrown out by IOS updates. Make sure everyone is running the most up to date iOS and it may start working again. I’ve had this on a few occasions.

A plan b is to block the device access to the router.

 

[Berty23]

Re use of phones in the house generally. We have a very strict rule of no phones at the dinner table. Absolutely not allowed unless one of the kids is out and we have one nearby if need a lift etc. it also applies to visitors and the kids’ mates love it when they come over because our dinner times are hilarious. Discussions, debates, arguments, piss taking etc.

Whoever is home sits at the table together for dinner every night apart from Saturday where it is TV dinner in the lounge.

 

[BBassic]

they are bewildered when we go for meals and they see people on the same table looking at their phones. "Why aren't they talking?".

My other half and I like to play a guessing game when we go out for a meal: are the people ignoring each other over their food on a terrible first date or on a comfortable 50th date?