Rubbish Jokes

[Chinman3000]

Two midgets Greg and Dave in hotel bar discussing how they never get laid.

Suddenly two leggy blondes come up for a drink, and plucking up the courage they start chatting to them.

A couple of hours later, things are going well for them both and they move things up to the midgets joining hotel room.

Greg and one blonde go in one room and Dave and the other blonde go in the other.

Greg is lying on the bed and after all the drink he cant get it up. He gutted. He never gets an opportunity like this and he's blown it, and to make things worse all he hears from Daves room for the next hour is;

1, 2 ugh. 1, 2 ugh. 1, 2 ugh.....

The following morning after the ladies leave Greg heads into Daves room and explains;

"You're not going to believe it Dave, but I couldn't get it up. I'm so gutted - its been ages"

Dave replies;

"You think you had f**king problems? I couldn't get on the bed....."

 

[gjh1971]

I gave up my job as an origami teacher . Too much paperwork

 

[Jack Straw]

During the War, my Grandad told me that the only bomb I needed to worry about was the one with my name on it. That put my mind at rest, but really upset our neighbours, Mr. and Mrs. Doodlebug.

 

[OzMike]

Why are pirates called pirates?
THEY JUST ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (said loudly in a piratey type voice.)

 

[OzMike]

Why have elephants got big ears?
Because Noddy won't pay the ransom.

 

[OzMike]

1945, D mob day in London and everyone is out in uniform enjoying themselves.
A serviceman is drinking and chatting with a servicewoman.
He says," let's go out for some fresh air," and she agrees.
Once outside they start getting intimate when she says, " hold on", points to her hat and says, " WAC, walk and cuddle".
He starts to walk back into the bar and she asks, "where are you going?"
To which he replies, " looking for a WAF!"

 

[Icy Gull]

Apologies if already posted, heard on the radioi a few days ago

I looked out of my kitchen window this morning and saw a German shepherd taking a crap in the middle of my lawn. cheeky ******* even let his dog run around the garden too.