[News] Return to the Office ... what's your company doing ?

[BNthree]

My work will probably go back this summer but with 2 days in office, 3 at home. If they stagger the days in the office this means they need a lot smaller space and less resources so save them money in the long run as we'll be hot desking.

 

[Iggle Piggle]

I've had a unique covid work experience. I've had to go into work but the office footprint you could probably fit the Amex in is largely dead. There's probably about 20 of us in it. After you get over the initial shock of the "Night of the living Dead" atmosphere I've started to enjoy it. Taking up 2 car parking spots in the visitors bays, a choice of 5 cleaned toilets to have an Isle of Wight in, first in the queue at the local sarnie shop, chips and a can of beer in the car park in the absence of pubs and senior management as well as totally inappropriate conversations in the office. I'll be upset when everyone else comes back.

 

[Bodian]

We've rented out half our office, so there's no going back to the old ways.

The way forward for us is now called 'Blended Working', and we are to select whether we need/want to be:
- 100% Home Working
- 'Hybrid Remote'
- 'Hybrid Connected'
- 100% Office

Bless.

 

[clapham_gull]

Is there not a danger that once some employers realise that a job can be done 100% from home, they will be attracted by someone doing the job from home, somewhere else in the world, for a tenth of the salary?

I think that boat has sailed.

There are a number of issues, opportunities. You get businesses who employ a number of "non-English as first language staff" because they work in foreign markets. They are also more likely to be multi lingual.

Some haven't been able to get "home" for over a year and took the opportunity when they could, some marooned. Many working from home "over there".

You now get tax implications etc... but companies have realised, actually that's working - but we've got to rip up their contracts and start again.

Also if you want to work in London, that's a huge barrier to many because of the cost of rent etc... I think a number of businesses suffer from that (in London) because the pool of people is smaller and frankly lets call it out - it's a class/wealth barrier.

The paradox of the pandemic (and everyone imprisoned at home) is that is has the potential to remove barriers for many.

 

[clapham_gull]

I wonder in factories that have 100% shop floor working as normal but office staff working at home. I can see that creating a big divide in the us and them causing a lot of resentment.

I think it will be fine if the factory installs CCTV so the senior management can watch what is going on and the workers on the floor can see their friendly faces on huge television screens.

No need for divide and conquer.

 

[Scoffers]

I was lucky enough to get offered a full time work from home job a year before Covid struck, which is handy as the office is in Bracknell

They are reopening the office in Bracknell in June, but attendance is optional and are actively encouraging staff to convert to full time WFH contacts.

I do miss the banter and buzz of being office based, but I definitely don't miss travelling up to the old London Victoria office and like many others have said, I've enjoyed far more personal time.

It seems like this pandemic has changed the whole WFH dynamic dramatically, and that for me seems like a good thing, but I have some friends who downright hate working from home!

 

[Dickie1965]

Totally this

Our office is open, but there has been no push for people to go back at the moment and WFH is still very much the norm.

From what we've heard, the earliest that will change is 21st June if the restrictions ease as per the roadmap, but even then the plan seems to be for a 3/2 split one way or the other between office and WFH.

Prior to the pandemic, we were all in the office five days a week without exception.

 

[Easy 10]

As of 17th May, we've been "invited" (ie ordered) back to the office (zero consultation) for 3 days a week - Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Which seems to me to be completely random and counter-productive. If everyone has to come in, then surely it would be more sensible to rota it across the week so that not everyone is in for those three days. But senior management have always despised the concept of WFH, so here we are.

I am MIGHTILY cheesed off at now having to drive 120 miles a week to a building full of people, to sit at a desk and do a job that I know I can walk downstairs and log in to do the same f*cking thing, without having to share a kitchen and toilet with 15-18 other herberts. Over the last year we've streamlined, gone paperless, productivity unaffected, zero sickness. WFH has proved to be a complete success.

I'm hoping to get tracked and traced at the first opportunity, and hopefully signed off sick. That'll teach them. I shall be complaining bitterly regardless.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

It won't come as a surprise that where I work (a top 5 UK university) we have no idea what we are doing. For teaching the plan is no large room lectures from September but 'as much on campus teaching as possible'.

To change my teaching plan I have to submit a form to the school education commitee with justification. Eighteen months ahead of the proposed change.

So....I won't. This is the 'replace a lecture with an interpretaive dance session, repeated 20 times for the 400 students' strategy. Only a fool (etc.)

Besides, nobody is monitoring this. And if they are they are still struggling to populate the spreadsheets.

So....I haven't been in for a year and am unlikely to go in again till Jan 2022. As I predicted a year ago.

The higher education sector is the biggest unpoliced shitehouse quango in the UK.

 

[clapham_gull]

It seems like this pandemic has changed the whole WFH dynamic dramatically, and that for me seems like a good thing, but I have some friends who downright hate working from home!

Yes and for a number of reasons those people need an office. Usually space in most cases.

Personally ?

- I go to the shops when I want. Not when work "allows" me.

- I can cook my own food when I want, not resorting to a sandwich I don't like or something made yesterday in a plastic box.

- It's much easier to deal with people in different time zones. Quite happy to have a chat (occasionally) at 8pm when some **** has gone down. I've been training people, sometimes 3 hours over zoom. Break up with talking nonsense etc.. do that at work ? Impossible.

- As mentioned above, I've taken to working on Clapham Common weather permitting !! Lovely stuff.

- I often need multiple monitors which I have at home. Mine are much better and MINE.

- I can have the radio on all day (or the news) and don't have to resort to headphones.

- I don't have sniffer dogs all over me after work at Clapham Junction.

I have many more, but some people HATE IT.

I can help them with that, I'll never take a desk in the office again. You have it.

Mark me down as never return.

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

As of 17th May, we've been "invited" (ie ordered) back to the office (zero consultation) for 3 days a week - Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Which seems to me to be completely random and counter-productive. If everyone has to come in, then surely it would be more sensible to rota it across the week so that not everyone is in for those three days. But senior management have always despised the concept of WFH, so here we are.

I am MIGHTILY cheesed off at now having to drive 120 miles a week to a building full of people, to sit at a desk and do a job that I know I can walk downstairs and log in to do the same f*cking thing, without having to share a kitchen and toilet with 15-18 other herberts. Over the last year we've streamlined, gone paperless, productivity unaffected, zero sickness. WFH has proved to be a complete success.

I'm hoping to get tracked and traced at the first opportunity, and hopefully signed off sick. That'll teach them. I shall be complaining bitterly regardless.

You have summarised in a nutshell how, when a lizard evolved some wings way back when, it said '**** that, I'm not ****ing flying. I'm gonna be . . . a dodo!'.

 

[Scoffers]

As of 17th May, we've been "invited" (ie ordered) back to the office (zero consultation) for 3 days a week - Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Which seems to me to be completely random and counter-productive. If everyone has to come in, then surely it would be more sensible to rota it across the week so that not everyone is in for those three days. But senior management have always despised the concept of WFH, so here we are.

I am MIGHTILY cheesed off at now having to drive 120 miles a week to a building full of people, to sit at a desk and do a job that I know I can walk downstairs and log in to do the same f*cking thing, without having to share a kitchen and toilet with 15-18 other herberts. Over the last year we've streamlined, gone paperless, productivity unaffected, zero sickness. WFH has proved to be a complete success.

I'm hoping to get tracked and traced at the first opportunity, and hopefully signed off sick. That'll teach them. I shall be complaining bitterly regardless.

It makes my blood boil when I read stuff like that, such closed thinking, sorry you're in that situation mate

Mark me down as never return.

Yeah you know what, I seriously don't think I could return to full time office based job now, if I was in a position where I needed to look for a new job, I'd only look for one that is primarily WFH, I'd only ever go back to full time office if I literally had no choice. Thankfully most companies seem to have seen the light and realised that WFH is viable, even preferable, but clearly not all !!

 

[Easy 10]

You have summarised in a nutshell how, when a lizard evolved some wings way back when, it said '**** that, I'm not ****ing flying. I'm gonna be . . . a dodo!'.

Yup.

I'd understand if productivity and numbers had gone down the shitter, if technical issues had had a negative impact, if people were taking the piss. But I see ALL the numbers. I'm one of the number crunchers across it all, dealing with banking, providing reports and forecasts. Against the odds the business somehow broke even last year, and has been on an upward trajectory since the turn. Healthy bank balance, business picking up month by month. I can understand the sales consultants coming back to the office - they work together, share assignments, work on projects, all that bollocks. I don't exist in that environment. All I need is a laptop, Excel, Outlook and Pornhub. Thats my day.

Tossers.

 

[clapham_gull]

As of 17th May, we've been "invited" (ie ordered) back to the office (zero consultation) for 3 days a week - Mondays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. Which seems to me to be completely random and counter-productive. If everyone has to come in, then surely it would be more sensible to rota it across the week so that not everyone is in for those three days. But senior management have always despised the concept of WFH, so here we are.

I am MIGHTILY cheesed off at now having to drive 120 miles a week to a building full of people, to sit at a desk and do a job that I know I can walk downstairs and log in to do the same f*cking thing, without having to share a kitchen and toilet with 15-18 other herberts. Over the last year we've streamlined, gone paperless, productivity unaffected, zero sickness. WFH has proved to be a complete success.

I'm hoping to get tracked and traced at the first opportunity, and hopefully signed off sick. That'll teach them. I shall be complaining bitterly regardless.

Have you thought about saying you have developed a form of IBS (under lockdown) that results in a frequent (yet random) toxically smelling "evacuation" that requires an immediate chemical resolution with materials not often stocked or available under the label of "industrial/commercial" the usage of which requires training not readily available to contracted third party cleaning staff.

Your GP has recommend permanent home working not only for your health but fundamentally for the well being and mental health of your colleagues.

It's worth a go.

 

[Easy 10]

Have you thought about saying you have developed a form of IBS (under lockdown) that results in a frequent (yet random) toxically smelling "evacuation" that requires an immediate post chemical resolution with materials not often stocked or available under the label of "industrial/commercial" the usage of which requires training not readily available to contracted third party cleaning staff.

Your GP has recommend permanent home working not only for your health but fundamentally for the well being and mental health of your colleagues.

It's worth a go.

I could mention that.

Or I could take the nuclear option and just violently SOIL myself at my desk within the first week. That could potentially have the desired effect of sending me back to my WFH environment, indefinitely.

 

[clapham_gull]

I could mention that.

Or I could take the nuclear option and just violently SOIL myself at my desk within the first week. That could potentially have the desired effect of sending me back to my WFH environment, indefinitely.

I'd go with plan A. but definitely keep B in the kit bag.

I read in Richard Branson's autobiography that he selling photocopied fanzines for years and going nowhere. He started using the violently soil threat in business negotiations and as they say "the rest is history".

 

[Scoffers]

Or plan c

When back in the office take photos of people not social distancing or wearing masks, log any lack of hand sanitizer provision and generally look for holes in their Covid Health and Safety plans and the sue the living crap out of them and never have to work again.

Sorted

 

[Easy 10]

I'd go with plan A. but definitely keep B in the kit bag.

I read in Richard Branson's autobiography that he selling photocopied fanzines for years and going nowhere. He started using the violently soil threat in business negotiations and as they say "the rest is history".

Well, I'm not taking anything off the table at this stage. Especially whatever I've ended up leaving on it.

 

[Easy 10]

Or plan c

When back in the office take photos of people not social distancing or wearing masks, log any lack of hand sanitizer provision and generally look for holes in their Covid Health and Safety plans and the sue the living crap out of them and never have to work again.

Sorted

If someone in our office does actually go down with the plague, then this whole thing could fold faster than Superman on laundry day. Naturally I'm not wishing it on anyone.

In particular.

 

[clapham_gull]

Well, I'm not taking anything off the table at this stage. Especially whatever I've ended up leaving on it.

I wouldn't dismiss taking it off the table off the table at all, in fact I'd prepare for it.

If you come ready with a spatula and tupperware, it is both an element of surprise and preparation that will disarm and impress your opponent. (1)


(1) My Story So Far - Richard Branson (Virgin Press) Chapter 5, p323.