Theatre of Trees
Well-known member
Braders7 said:
With Kev's spelling! How many points does 'diffinitely' get you?
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Putting a Dart Board up. [Merged]
- Thread starter Basil Fawlty
- Start date
With Kev's spelling! How many points does 'diffinitely' get you?
Edward Scissorhands
New member
- Feb 20, 2005
- 6,979
How about "midocrity"?
Withdean Wanderer
Banned
Theatre of Trees said:
"thou shall not insult dyslexia"
The Large One
Who's Next?
Is it up yet, Kev?
readingstockport
New member
ffs, I've seen house built in less time than its taken to put this bloody darts board up. Kev, build a house instead.
Seagullible
Super Keeper
readingstockport said:
ok, I'm taking bets on what will be up first, Kevs dartboard or Falmer?
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Gazwag
5 millionth post poster
brightonfan_86 said:
So, are the nuts in yet
Northstander
Well-known member
- Oct 13, 2003
- 14,031
Follow these instructions and all will be hunkey dorey!
The height of the dartboard should be 5' 8" from the centre of bullseye in a plumb line to the floor.
The distance of the oche or throw line from the board should be exactly 7 feet 9¼ inches from the point where that plumb line reaches the floor.
The height of the dartboard should be 5' 8" from the centre of bullseye in a plumb line to the floor.
The distance of the oche or throw line from the board should be exactly 7 feet 9¼ inches from the point where that plumb line reaches the floor.
Bakesy
Farting for ENGLAND!!!
Have you got it up yet Kev?
Maybe this is what's causing the delay...
Daycare
by Copernicus
Kevin was barely able to conceal his excitement. For years and months he had waited for the chance every boy waits for- the chance to have sex. Every since making an unwitting discovery between his hands and his, um, equipment, Kevin could barely wait to grow up. Nature had been kind to him, too, bestowing far beyond the norm upon him. Having the equipment, Kevin now set to getting a girl naked. It had taken an entire month of careful wooing, but he had finally, at 18, gotten a girl where he wanted her.
Lindsay shivered, but with desire, not cold. For a kid, who was obviously eager for sex, Kevin sure took his sweet time getting around to it! Even with her urging him on, he had taken a whole month to get around to asking her to come to "a place I know," to "talk." Boys, all talk and no walk. She glanced up, "Magic Valley Daycare," read the sign above the old house in front of her. She couldn't care less where she was.
Finally Kevin got the door unlocked using a key he had stolen somewhere, and walked inside slowly. His fumbling hand found a light switch, and as he switched it on a slow tingle worked it's way up the bodies of both teenagers, though both attributed it to desire. Kevin's eager eyes caught sight of something he really wanted to see- a bed. Actually a mat for napping toddlers, it would do just fine for him.
Lindsay allowed herself to be guided to the mat, and sat down beside Kevin. She sensed the raging desire inside of him as well as inside his pants. But Kevin had been raised by Puritanical parents, and they just kissed for awhile. Finally Lindsay grew bored of the chaste kisses Kevin offered, and she gave a deep french back. At the same time her hands slipped down and began rubbing a large lump in Kevin's pants.
Kevin was shocked at the bold actions of who he thought a nice girl, but he quickly discarded any remaining notions of properity and began rubbing Lindsay's blouse in the front, his mind not thinking in coherent thoughts. She again took the initiative and opened Kevin's fly, and he drew back, still a little scared.
Lindsay was irritated at her man's reluctance, but those feelings soared away when Kevin took a deep breath and drew off his jeans and underwear. Lindsay's smile grew wider as she saw the size of his erection, she had thought that to be the case. In a way of thanking him, she swept her legs wide open and offered him the honor of stripping her.
Kevin also drew off his shirt, leaving him totally naked. Smiling dangerously at the woman who had invited him to do his will, he reached forward with a calm hand and again began kneading a breast beneath the flimsy fabric of her blouse. He reached forward with his other hand and began methodically popping buttons, one after another. His breath caught as Lindsay used her hands to stroke his aroused penis, the pleasure was ten times what he had ever imagined.
Lindsay helped him take her blouse off totally, and Kevin had only eyes for the porcelain globes that lay before him, heaving and only barely contained by her bra. Kevin's eyes suddenly flashed, and with a strength born of desperate need, he reached forward and tore her bra off. Far from being disapointed, Lindsay was pleased at this show of strength in her lover.
Kevin could not wait, he had to see her naked. He reached down and unzipped her fly, pushing farther in then he probably needed to. Lindsay guided his hands as they drew her jeans off, and then she got up and stood in front of him wearing nothing but pink panties. Kevin, still on his knees, realized he was panting like a dog, but was unwilling to devote his attention to anything other than the goddess in front of him.
Lindsay was aware that she was tormenting Kevin, and she loved it. Several times she attempted to pull off her panties, but somehow "missed" each time. With a final teasing smile, and aware that Kevin would probably hold her down and rape her if she didn't hurry up, Lindsay finally pulled of her panties and stepped out of them.
Kevin couldn't move. The sheer want inside him seemed to paralyze his motor functions. Lindsay displayed her body as a model would and, realizing Kevin's horrible plight, stepped forward and planted her pubic bush firmly in his face. On instincnt Kevin began to kiss the most beautifully formed "lips" he had ever seen. Lindsays hips began to thrust and buck, but he rode her like a bronco.
Lindsay screamed a tiny scream, aware of where they were she did not vent the true incredible emotions she felt as she felt her first orgasm. Her eyes rode back into her head, as the sheer emotion coursed through her. She became a full Nympomaniac in those few seconds. Seconds later, however, another odd feeling shook her. It was if she was being tickled in her brain, but she attributed it to orgasm and the feeling passed.
Kevin could not supress his need. He jumped up and positioned his wet cock where he thought it should go in. Gently taking hold of her breasts for leverage, Kevin rammed into her like a speeding car. His every nerve screamed within him as his hard on jumped back and forth withing Linsay as if on it's own volition. Kevin could not contain his scream of pleasure fully as his penis did it's essential duty. He stumbled back, withdrawing from Lindsay, who stood trembling, as if he feared the incredible rush of feelings that emanted from just below his stomach. The tickling feeling rushed through him too, but he also wrote it off. Another Nympho was born. These teenagers need sex, badly.
As if sex had created a psychic link between then, they collapsed as one. For ten minutes they both just layed and trembled as unfamiliar feelings and and sensations rushed through both of them. Kevin waited for his erection to reassert itself, but despite his need his penis remained limp. Figuring he need stimulation, he reached over to where Lindsay lay, feeling for her ample breasts. He found them, but his fingers froze on them in shock. The breasts he had learned to love where there, but they were much smaller than last time.
Lindsay awoke from her pleasure fog to the feeling to Kevin's hand on her breasts, smiling, Lindsay put her hands on her breasts too, and felt a much more profound chill as she cupped them. She knew the size of her breasts intimately, she frequently stroked them while masturbating. Her breasts were much smaller than they should be, and as she gave a cry of dismay she noticed her voice was slightly more girlishly-high than it should be.
Kevin stared in shock at the fifteen year old who, while still beautiful, was three years younger than she should be. Suddenly scared for himself, he looked down to make sure everything was were it should be. His shoulders slumped as he gave a higher-pitched moan of despair. The well-muscled body he had grown into was gone, and was replaced with the stringy, lanky body he had so hated when he was fifteen himself.
Lindsay was slowly but surely losing the voluptous shape that had attracted Kevin to her. Lindsay seemed not to notice any other changes to her form, clutching her dwindling breasts. Her hips, formerly curved, became more boyish in form. All her curves and sharp angles withdrew into a pre-pubescent form. Her hair began to retract into barely shoulder-length.
Kevin's changes were less dramatic. The body hair he had grown disappeared, as well as any stubble on his face. Finally his pubic hair growth withdrew, and the startled sound he made sounded nothing like a man's and more like a boy's. Lindsay's thick bush was also gone, and she herself was sobbing in a little girl's voice. They both appeared around ten, and still youthening.
Kevin's penis finally erected, a paltry four inches, but soon Kevin's body lost the ability to grow erected and his penis fell to pathetic size. Lindsay withdrew from her shock and, in her high-girl's voice, exclaimed for them to run for the door. They both ran, but the change, perhaps sensing their escape attempt, sped up. The distance between them and the door seemed to become longer as they became smaller.
Kevin climbed over what he would've walked over at his old age. He fell to the other side, and urged Lindsay to do the same. He didn't stop to hear her reply and stumbled towards the distant door. He stumbled and fell, and found that he couldn't get up. His legs had become too weak to stand. Kevin began to cry in fear, shocked even more by the infant-sounding voice. He felt himself began to grow dizzy, and felt the warm release of urine as he lost control of his body. He cried again, and cried long after any intelligence had fled his eyes.
Lindsay felt to weak to stand, and she flopped to the ground. Her hand brushed all the hair left on her head, peach fuzz. She felt the darkness closing on her mind, and she tried to fight it. Five minutes passed as Lindsay fought the infant mentality that sought to claim her. Then she opened her eyes and started to suck on her toes.
Matron Brown frowned upon finding the door to her daycare open, this had happened before. She sighed upon seeing the crying forms of two infants, always some unknown mother dropped two babies, one girl, one boy, into her daycare in the middle of the night and ran away. She cleaned them up as best she could and put them into the same bed. Somehow their hands met, and the two babies clasped them together.
Daycare
by Copernicus
Kevin was barely able to conceal his excitement. For years and months he had waited for the chance every boy waits for- the chance to have sex. Every since making an unwitting discovery between his hands and his, um, equipment, Kevin could barely wait to grow up. Nature had been kind to him, too, bestowing far beyond the norm upon him. Having the equipment, Kevin now set to getting a girl naked. It had taken an entire month of careful wooing, but he had finally, at 18, gotten a girl where he wanted her.
Lindsay shivered, but with desire, not cold. For a kid, who was obviously eager for sex, Kevin sure took his sweet time getting around to it! Even with her urging him on, he had taken a whole month to get around to asking her to come to "a place I know," to "talk." Boys, all talk and no walk. She glanced up, "Magic Valley Daycare," read the sign above the old house in front of her. She couldn't care less where she was.
Finally Kevin got the door unlocked using a key he had stolen somewhere, and walked inside slowly. His fumbling hand found a light switch, and as he switched it on a slow tingle worked it's way up the bodies of both teenagers, though both attributed it to desire. Kevin's eager eyes caught sight of something he really wanted to see- a bed. Actually a mat for napping toddlers, it would do just fine for him.
Lindsay allowed herself to be guided to the mat, and sat down beside Kevin. She sensed the raging desire inside of him as well as inside his pants. But Kevin had been raised by Puritanical parents, and they just kissed for awhile. Finally Lindsay grew bored of the chaste kisses Kevin offered, and she gave a deep french back. At the same time her hands slipped down and began rubbing a large lump in Kevin's pants.
Kevin was shocked at the bold actions of who he thought a nice girl, but he quickly discarded any remaining notions of properity and began rubbing Lindsay's blouse in the front, his mind not thinking in coherent thoughts. She again took the initiative and opened Kevin's fly, and he drew back, still a little scared.
Lindsay was irritated at her man's reluctance, but those feelings soared away when Kevin took a deep breath and drew off his jeans and underwear. Lindsay's smile grew wider as she saw the size of his erection, she had thought that to be the case. In a way of thanking him, she swept her legs wide open and offered him the honor of stripping her.
Kevin also drew off his shirt, leaving him totally naked. Smiling dangerously at the woman who had invited him to do his will, he reached forward with a calm hand and again began kneading a breast beneath the flimsy fabric of her blouse. He reached forward with his other hand and began methodically popping buttons, one after another. His breath caught as Lindsay used her hands to stroke his aroused penis, the pleasure was ten times what he had ever imagined.
Lindsay helped him take her blouse off totally, and Kevin had only eyes for the porcelain globes that lay before him, heaving and only barely contained by her bra. Kevin's eyes suddenly flashed, and with a strength born of desperate need, he reached forward and tore her bra off. Far from being disapointed, Lindsay was pleased at this show of strength in her lover.
Kevin could not wait, he had to see her naked. He reached down and unzipped her fly, pushing farther in then he probably needed to. Lindsay guided his hands as they drew her jeans off, and then she got up and stood in front of him wearing nothing but pink panties. Kevin, still on his knees, realized he was panting like a dog, but was unwilling to devote his attention to anything other than the goddess in front of him.
Lindsay was aware that she was tormenting Kevin, and she loved it. Several times she attempted to pull off her panties, but somehow "missed" each time. With a final teasing smile, and aware that Kevin would probably hold her down and rape her if she didn't hurry up, Lindsay finally pulled of her panties and stepped out of them.
Kevin couldn't move. The sheer want inside him seemed to paralyze his motor functions. Lindsay displayed her body as a model would and, realizing Kevin's horrible plight, stepped forward and planted her pubic bush firmly in his face. On instincnt Kevin began to kiss the most beautifully formed "lips" he had ever seen. Lindsays hips began to thrust and buck, but he rode her like a bronco.
Lindsay screamed a tiny scream, aware of where they were she did not vent the true incredible emotions she felt as she felt her first orgasm. Her eyes rode back into her head, as the sheer emotion coursed through her. She became a full Nympomaniac in those few seconds. Seconds later, however, another odd feeling shook her. It was if she was being tickled in her brain, but she attributed it to orgasm and the feeling passed.
Kevin could not supress his need. He jumped up and positioned his wet cock where he thought it should go in. Gently taking hold of her breasts for leverage, Kevin rammed into her like a speeding car. His every nerve screamed within him as his hard on jumped back and forth withing Linsay as if on it's own volition. Kevin could not contain his scream of pleasure fully as his penis did it's essential duty. He stumbled back, withdrawing from Lindsay, who stood trembling, as if he feared the incredible rush of feelings that emanted from just below his stomach. The tickling feeling rushed through him too, but he also wrote it off. Another Nympho was born. These teenagers need sex, badly.
As if sex had created a psychic link between then, they collapsed as one. For ten minutes they both just layed and trembled as unfamiliar feelings and and sensations rushed through both of them. Kevin waited for his erection to reassert itself, but despite his need his penis remained limp. Figuring he need stimulation, he reached over to where Lindsay lay, feeling for her ample breasts. He found them, but his fingers froze on them in shock. The breasts he had learned to love where there, but they were much smaller than last time.
Lindsay awoke from her pleasure fog to the feeling to Kevin's hand on her breasts, smiling, Lindsay put her hands on her breasts too, and felt a much more profound chill as she cupped them. She knew the size of her breasts intimately, she frequently stroked them while masturbating. Her breasts were much smaller than they should be, and as she gave a cry of dismay she noticed her voice was slightly more girlishly-high than it should be.
Kevin stared in shock at the fifteen year old who, while still beautiful, was three years younger than she should be. Suddenly scared for himself, he looked down to make sure everything was were it should be. His shoulders slumped as he gave a higher-pitched moan of despair. The well-muscled body he had grown into was gone, and was replaced with the stringy, lanky body he had so hated when he was fifteen himself.
Lindsay was slowly but surely losing the voluptous shape that had attracted Kevin to her. Lindsay seemed not to notice any other changes to her form, clutching her dwindling breasts. Her hips, formerly curved, became more boyish in form. All her curves and sharp angles withdrew into a pre-pubescent form. Her hair began to retract into barely shoulder-length.
Kevin's changes were less dramatic. The body hair he had grown disappeared, as well as any stubble on his face. Finally his pubic hair growth withdrew, and the startled sound he made sounded nothing like a man's and more like a boy's. Lindsay's thick bush was also gone, and she herself was sobbing in a little girl's voice. They both appeared around ten, and still youthening.
Kevin's penis finally erected, a paltry four inches, but soon Kevin's body lost the ability to grow erected and his penis fell to pathetic size. Lindsay withdrew from her shock and, in her high-girl's voice, exclaimed for them to run for the door. They both ran, but the change, perhaps sensing their escape attempt, sped up. The distance between them and the door seemed to become longer as they became smaller.
Kevin climbed over what he would've walked over at his old age. He fell to the other side, and urged Lindsay to do the same. He didn't stop to hear her reply and stumbled towards the distant door. He stumbled and fell, and found that he couldn't get up. His legs had become too weak to stand. Kevin began to cry in fear, shocked even more by the infant-sounding voice. He felt himself began to grow dizzy, and felt the warm release of urine as he lost control of his body. He cried again, and cried long after any intelligence had fled his eyes.
Lindsay felt to weak to stand, and she flopped to the ground. Her hand brushed all the hair left on her head, peach fuzz. She felt the darkness closing on her mind, and she tried to fight it. Five minutes passed as Lindsay fought the infant mentality that sought to claim her. Then she opened her eyes and started to suck on her toes.
Matron Brown frowned upon finding the door to her daycare open, this had happened before. She sighed upon seeing the crying forms of two infants, always some unknown mother dropped two babies, one girl, one boy, into her daycare in the middle of the night and ran away. She cleaned them up as best she could and put them into the same bed. Somehow their hands met, and the two babies clasped them together.
Braders
Abi Fletchers Gimpboy
how about now?
Tom Hark Preston Park
Will Post For Cash
- Jul 6, 2003
- 72,276
gazwag said:
Probably all tucked up in bed by now
Billy the Fish
Technocrat
Over 2 months now. Is it up yet?
BensGrandad
New member
Hannibal smith said:
Probably cost less to buy than the round of drinks.
readingstockport
New member
I'm actually very worried about this. I came out of my house this morning at 8.00 am in Reading and 2 chavs were cycling past. One of them WAS CARRYING A DART BOARD.
Kev, please reassure us all that your dart board is safe and on the wall and the Reading chavs haven't nicked it.
Kev, please reassure us all that your dart board is safe and on the wall and the Reading chavs haven't nicked it.
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gripper stebson
Well-known member
- Jul 27, 2004
- 6,690
I feel in a way this thread mirrors the clubs problems perfectly.
The Dartboard - Falmer
Kev - The Albion
Kev's Mum - The Government
Kev's Dad - LDC
Kev and his Mum's valiant attempts to get the dartboard in position are being thwarted at every turn by Kev's Dad.
I have written to Kev's Dad asking for an explanation of his continued excuses and he wrote me the following reply:
Dear Sir
Thankyou for your query regarding Kevin's desire to put up a dartboard in his room. I feel that this is clearly not the best place for the board to be positioned and have asked Kevin's Mum to consider the five other options put forward by myself:
1. Bathroom
2. Garage
3. Shed
4. Lounge
5. Sheepcote Valley
Once Kevin's Mum has looked at all the options I will be happy to screw it into the wall (the board not Kevin's Mum)
Yours Sincerely
Kev's Dad.
If he continues to drag this situation out Kev will almost certainly be forced out of business. I for one will not stand by and let this happen.
We want dartboard
We want dartboard
We want dartboard
We want dartboard
x
The Dartboard - Falmer
Kev - The Albion
Kev's Mum - The Government
Kev's Dad - LDC
Kev and his Mum's valiant attempts to get the dartboard in position are being thwarted at every turn by Kev's Dad.
I have written to Kev's Dad asking for an explanation of his continued excuses and he wrote me the following reply:
Dear Sir
Thankyou for your query regarding Kevin's desire to put up a dartboard in his room. I feel that this is clearly not the best place for the board to be positioned and have asked Kevin's Mum to consider the five other options put forward by myself:
1. Bathroom
2. Garage
3. Shed
4. Lounge
5. Sheepcote Valley
Once Kevin's Mum has looked at all the options I will be happy to screw it into the wall (the board not Kevin's Mum)
Yours Sincerely
Kev's Dad.
If he continues to drag this situation out Kev will almost certainly be forced out of business. I for one will not stand by and let this happen.
We want dartboard
We want dartboard
We want dartboard
We want dartboard
x
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