Wait till you've got a mole at the counter.
[News] Public Toilets
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Superphil
Dismember
You mean they hadn’t decorated it like the Cistern Chapel?
We had the same problem in Gloucester. So the council closed them all.
Great solution ....................... not!
B-right-on
Living the dream
No shit!
Literally. For weeks.
Literally. For weeks.
Sometimes needs must.
Mind you, I have shat in a wood. Followed by some creative use of autumn leaves.
- May 8, 2018
- 10,588
No grand opening?Walking past the toilet at Lawns cafe,noticed it was open after being closed for weeks for updating.Looked in to see what they had done and the answer was nothing.So the public inconvenienced for weeks for no gain.
Dick Swiveller
Well-known member
- Sep 9, 2011
- 9,520
Don't think you get this thread unless autocorrect changed craps to apps.
Perfidious Albion
Well-known member
Joking apart , the lack of public toilets can be frustrating and for some people a real problem. Understandably business don’t want non customers using their loos .
I was told once that government allows no money for the provision and upkeep of toilets and there is no legal requirement to provide them, so it is not surprising in these days that they disappear.
Perhaps a solution would be to work a deal with cafes and such businesses to have a toilet partly funded by the Council and made available to all , in the hope it would bring in business……
I was told once that government allows no money for the provision and upkeep of toilets and there is no legal requirement to provide them, so it is not surprising in these days that they disappear.
Perhaps a solution would be to work a deal with cafes and such businesses to have a toilet partly funded by the Council and made available to all , in the hope it would bring in business……
Or giving head to a scout!
el punal
Well-known member
Shit happens 
JamesAndTheGiantHead
Well-known member
Toilet Attendant has signed for Chelsea
They tried that in Gloucester when they demolished all the public loos. After a couple of years the scheme petered out - the council just stopped paying for it, I think.
Shropshire Seagull
Well-known member
And what's with this 20p charge now for public toilet use?
I never carry any cash or pocket change - they'll need to enable card payments in the years ahead.
I never carry any cash or pocket change - they'll need to enable card payments in the years ahead.
- Aug 7, 2003
- 8,073
Carry on at your Convenience
Chickenrunner
New member
- Jul 26, 2004
- 28
Supposedly the council has finally agreed to renovate these toilets after several years of indecision. The downside is that they will be closed completely soon to do the work, and not reopen until next summerWalking past the toilet at Lawns cafe,noticed it was open after being closed for weeks for updating.Looked in to see what they had done and the answer was nothing.So the public inconvenienced for weeks for no gain.
( I'm not sure where the alternative toilets a "few steps away" are, unless they're the other old ones tucked away at the side of the King Alfred?)
Badger Boy
Mr Badger
- Jan 28, 2016
- 3,658
In all seriousness, this is a very important topic. If I move too quickly, there is an immediate need to wee. As a male, I have many options but my dear Old mum was less fortunate and her with her dreadful bladder meant going somewhere required knowing where the toilet options would be. Or she'd never leave the house, which I was always keen to prevent. It's too easy to never leave your home and it's a dreadful way to live.
If they are closing the Lawns toilet for an extended period of time, they really should have a temporary facility in place instead. It's a good half mile in either direction to the next public toilet and that's not acceptable. There aren't enough as it is, let alone to them close them without providing an alternative. This council is an absolute disaster - it's hard to believe they're working for the greater good when almost every issue they involve themselves with becomes a total catastrophe.
If they are closing the Lawns toilet for an extended period of time, they really should have a temporary facility in place instead. It's a good half mile in either direction to the next public toilet and that's not acceptable. There aren't enough as it is, let alone to them close them without providing an alternative. This council is an absolute disaster - it's hard to believe they're working for the greater good when almost every issue they involve themselves with becomes a total catastrophe.
clapham_gull
Legacy Fan
- Aug 20, 2003
- 25,857
It should come as no surprise that the first public toilets in London were installed in Crystal Palace in 1851.
Thunder Bolt
Silly old bat
And haven't been modernised since.
I was on a walk from Shoreham up to Devil’s Dyke. I stopped and got some sweets for energy and set off. Munching away. Got to that slope that leads up to the pub. Maybe 300 metres to go.Sometimes needs must.
Mind you, I have shat in a wood. Followed by some creative use of autumn leaves.
A cold sweat started on my brow and spine, my stomach gurgled, everything became loose.
I scanned the area. No cover. No trees. No mounds. Just a clear run up to the pub with people looking down from the car park. I was so desperate, if I left it another 30 seconds I’d fill my scrudders.
I found a small gully that was on a corner of a path that leads down to a small village.
A dynamic risk assessment concluded this was the only option but with the risk of someone walking round the corner at any moment.
I dived in, squatting and pulling undercrackers down in one movement and shat about three litres of swamp water.
Now, what to wipe with? All I had were two cheese rolls. They would have to do. I cleaned up as best I could, left the excrement soaked cheese rolls and my puddle of shat. All in a shaky knee’d rush. I suppose trousers down ‘til trousers up was about 25 seconds. I feel deeply sorry for whomever turned that corner and discovered that horrific scene. It made me feel sick enough and it came out of me.
Clearly I hadn’t wiped enough as after ten paces it was a f***ing casserole down there.
Cheese crumbs and bread roll bits hitching a ride in my Alans.
I thought I was in the clear but the same feeling came back after about 5 mins. I ran to the pub, went straight into the disabled’s and somehow produced another few pints of grotty shit-water.
It all calmed down but I was afraid to leave the relative safety of the pub toilet. But I had to get home. I gathered my courage and did a Butch and Sundance run for it from the shitter.
It was a treacherous walk to the coast road to get a bus home to Shoreham.
I got lost in Southwick, surprisingly easy to do. I had to duck into the then still operational Albion pub. Again, my guts produced even more muck than I thought possible.
The only consolation being I probably improved the place. Ghastly pub that I think is now permanently shut.
I eventually made it home without shitting myself and after literally shoving my then girlfriend out of the way, sat in my bathroom for about an hour. Sipping water and shuddering filthy bilge out of my ringer.
Upon emptying my rucksack I put the empty sweet bags on the kitchen top and my ex looked at them.
“Sugar free laxative fruit chews. Consume no more than 4 in any 24 hour period. You f***ing idiot”
I had eaten two full bags. Maybe 30-40 of them.
As my knees buckled for a final time and I slumped to the kitchen floor, I couldn’t help but agree with her. What a f***ing idiot.
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