Profanisaurus

[swiss tony]

Haven't read this for ages but it is absolutely priceless.

Viz Comic

My current favourites being:

hush puppies n. Breasts so impressive that all men are rendered speechless in their presence.

twatriot n. Someone who waves a Union Jack and shouts 'Come on Tim', between every point whilst Tim 'Spoilt Bastard' Henman gets thrashed at Wimbledon again.

smackanory n. The heart-rending tale of woe with which heroin addicts routinely regale passers by in the hope of relieving them of their small change.

big brother is watching you phr. The wood-felling realisation, whilst watching a scruff video, that there is a photo of a grinning sibling on top of the TV set which must be laid face down before one can continue relaxing in a gentleman's way.

 

[Lady Gull]

I've got this on my phone - hilarious x

 

[Eggmundo]

The Hitler Wank is genius.

 

[Withdean and I]

The i phone 'Profanisaurus' app is sooo dangerously funny. Wherever I start reading it I am crying with laughter within a few minutes. Genius!!!

 

[El Presidente]

Fisherman's Jumper

A damp, overly hairy cunker, smelling not too dissimilar to a deep sea trawler captain's wool sweater after hauling in a net full of haddock. 'Having been accustomed all my life to ideals of a feminine nakedness gleaned from classical antiquities, I was somewhat taken aback on my wedding night to find that my young Thai Paypal bride had a right old fisherman's jumper between her legs (From the Memoirs of Guppy Saunders, 1964-2012)

First two inches are cold, the

A cry to indicate the urgency with which one requires the lavatory. I answered the urgent hammering on the door, it was Holmes, in the guise of a Greek Admiral, and possessed of a wild expression the likes of which I had never seen before. 'What is it Holmes?' I expostulated, 'Why, it's three in the morning'. 'There is no time for explanations, Watson' he gasped as he pushed past me towards my water closet, ' The first two inches are cold'. (from Sherlock Holmes and the Case of the Enormous Loaf by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle).

 

[Phat Baz 68]

Funniest thing ever, I spent hours of quality lecture time at Uni laughing till i felt sick and that was in its early days.

 

[Danny-Boy]

Thought about contributing myself:

Harland and Wolf: A Chinese restaurant with a fixed "All you can eat for" menu, bound later to produce the launching of a "Tudtanic"...

John Brown's Shipyard: Establishment (e.g. Eton, AMEX North Stand), bound to produce a load of impressive "Queens" in later life.

 

[Manx Shearwater]

We have a copy in our office. In case its needed to draft a particularly impressive email to senior management about their attitude to our workloads.

 

[Lady Whistledown]

Topical:

James Cameron's Camera euph A subaquatic Thora, which, despite repeated flushing, continues to inhabit the depths of one's u-bend. Named after the deep sea video equipment submersible that was used to provide footage of the Titanic, and which, every time it landed on the wreck or the sea-bed, caused a cloud of rust coloured particles to swarl about. An Alvin.

 

[Tony Towner's Fridge]

I always love the

World Cup Willy

n.Regular sexual intercourse with the misses.

i.e. once every four years

Still so so funny

TNBA

TTF

 

[swiss tony]

liquor portal n. The hole in the space/time continuum found outside pubs which transports the inebriated to the safety of their hallways in the blink of an eye.

Too friggin right!!

 

[Danny-Boy]

What I saw on the no.12 bus going into Brighton Monday lunchtime from Seaford should have a word for it, but here's the song:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cw6oMO7-vwI

Except she was decidedly on the big side, with lonnnngggg legs (and hopefully over 16).