Seagullible
Super Keeper
An empty glass walks into a bar
'I can't serve you' says the barman 'you're drunk'
'I can't serve you' says the barman 'you're drunk'
Post your favourite 'An [inanimate object] goes into a bar...' gag
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Trufflehound
Re-enfranchised
Two hippos in a swamp. One says to the other: "Looks like we're in the wrong thread."
Hannibal smith
New member
I know a dog isn’t inanimate but...
Bloke walks into a bar and says ‘Will you buy me a drink if I can prove my dog talks’
‘OK then’ says the landlord.
Bloke says ‘What does Alex Higgins feel like in the morning after 10 pints?
‘Ruff’ says the dog
What does a golfer drive into if he misses the fairway?
‘Ruff’
Who was the Scottish goalkeeper in the 86 World Cup?
‘Ruff
Get out says the landlord. Your wasting my time.
Both owner and dog walk out into the car park when the Bloke says 'I can't believe you let me down' when the dog says
‘Sorry, was it Jim Leighton?
Bloke walks into a bar and says ‘Will you buy me a drink if I can prove my dog talks’
‘OK then’ says the landlord.
Bloke says ‘What does Alex Higgins feel like in the morning after 10 pints?
‘Ruff’ says the dog
What does a golfer drive into if he misses the fairway?
‘Ruff’
Who was the Scottish goalkeeper in the 86 World Cup?
‘Ruff
Get out says the landlord. Your wasting my time.
Both owner and dog walk out into the car park when the Bloke says 'I can't believe you let me down' when the dog says
‘Sorry, was it Jim Leighton?
pasty
A different kind of pasty
I went into this bar, and stepped in a bit of dog poo that was in the doorway, and slid all the way over to the counter.
Another guys comes in, steps on the same dog poo, and slides up to the counter next to me.
I said "I just did that", so he punched me in the face
Another guys comes in, steps on the same dog poo, and slides up to the counter next to me.
I said "I just did that", so he punched me in the face
otk
~(.)(.)~
A man is walking his mongrel dog in a swish part of town
He sees a nice bar and goes to go in
He notices a sign saying 'NO DOGS'
As he walks away, a bloke asks him why he had changed his mind about going in. The man points at the 'NO DOGS' sign. The bloke tells him to say it's a guide dog and he'd get served no problems
The man walks in and asks for a Stella top. The barman tells him he couldn't serve him as he has a dog. The man says 'It's a guide dog'. The barman says 'Guide dogs are either labradors or alsations'
The man asks 'What have they given me then?'
He sees a nice bar and goes to go in
He notices a sign saying 'NO DOGS'
As he walks away, a bloke asks him why he had changed his mind about going in. The man points at the 'NO DOGS' sign. The bloke tells him to say it's a guide dog and he'd get served no problems
The man walks in and asks for a Stella top. The barman tells him he couldn't serve him as he has a dog. The man says 'It's a guide dog'. The barman says 'Guide dogs are either labradors or alsations'
The man asks 'What have they given me then?'
Seagull over NZ
Well-known member
pasty
A different kind of pasty
2 horses enjoying a pint in a bar when a cow walks in and asks if they fancy a pint. One horse looks at the other and says "f*** me, a talking cow"
sten_super
Brain Surgeon
Dave the OAP
Well-known member
a tortoise walks into a bar.....
pint please
barman says f*** off and kicks him out of the bar
three weeks later, the tortoise goes into the bar, goes up to the barman and says
whatcha do that for
pint please
barman says f*** off and kicks him out of the bar
three weeks later, the tortoise goes into the bar, goes up to the barman and says
whatcha do that for
otk
~(.)(.)~
Funny you should say that as I was out for a drink with one of my brothers once and he asked me what I wanted. I asked for a Stella top and he went off to the bar. He came back with what I'd asked for and said they don't call it a Stella top in here. I asked what they called it and he said they call it 'a gay'
Dave the OAP
Well-known member
Funny you should say that as I was out for a drink with one of my brothers once and he asked me what I wanted. I asked for a Stella top and he went off to the bar. He came back with what I'd asked for and said they don't call it a Stella top in here. I asked what they called it and he said they call it 'a gay'
that is possibly the funniest thing i have ever read on here
