Pointless thread of players we are never going to sign

[Whoislloydy]

Rather than start a new thread for EVERY player someone sees mentioned in "connection" with Brighton this summer.

We're in for a LOOOOOOONG summer so if we could collate all the pointless rumours in one thread that would be great.

Post your pointless posts below.

I'll start us off with the Toure one i saw on here last night

 

[sparkie]

I love threads about transfer speculation. All this guesswork is ACE.

 

[Horsham Gull]

owen

 

[Gwylan]

The totally bonkers suggestion of John Terry - suggested by a couple of posters a few weeks ago.

 

[whitelion]

Kanchelskis

 

[Petee]

Emile Heskey

 

[James Bond's body double]

Ray Clemence

 

[happypig]

Davy Whelan (if his leg is better, he broke it in the cup final you know but never mentions it)

 

[rinswun]

Alex Pritchard

 

[Paul Reids Sock]

Guiseppe Rossi - Would love us to sign him but he has done his knee .... again

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

Cherry Apsley Garrard

 

[Tooting Gull]

The totally bonkers suggestion of John Terry - suggested by a couple of posters a few weeks ago.

Let's see if we can make it a little less bonkers with some wild theorising. Childhood pal Bobby Zamora gets tucked into him, invites him along to training for 'defensive session' where he is totally sold on set-up and then stadium, stresses that he wouldn't have to move home, a huge pay cut is agreed, he is signed to play alongside Dunk and complete his Jedi training, plays maybe 15-20 games, signed primarily to persuade others to sign from UK or overseas...

No you're right. It's still insane.

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

Gus Caesar

 

[Paul Reids Sock]

Let's see if we can make it a little less bonkers with some wild theorising. Childhood pal Bobby Zamora gets tucked into him, invites him along to training for 'defensive session' where he is totally sold on set-up and then stadium, stresses that he wouldn't have to move home, a huge pay cut is agreed, he is signed to play alongside Dunk and complete his Jedi training, plays maybe 15-20 games, signed primarily to persuade others to sign from UK or overseas...

No you're right. It's still insane.

One question - why would Bobby be at training? He seems to either be fishing or in Dubai with Rio lately

 

[Tooting Gull]

It's game-time for our Belgium scout (isn't it Nico Claesens?) to step up.

Let's snap up Tielemans and Dendoncker before the big guns do.

 

[sparkie]

Lampard

 

[Greg Bobkin]

Bridcutt's coming back to replace Stephens, who joins Burnley for 50p a week plus a packet of smarties – but the signing-on fee is a WHOPPER.

Theo Walcott is part of a post-Wenger clear-out at Arsenal and joins to spearhead the attack.

Looking for a bit of Premier League experience between the sticks, David Seaman comes out of retirement and joins the ranks.

 

[Nixonator]

Bridcutt's coming back to replace Stephens, who joins Burnley for 50p a week plus a packet of smarties

Unrealistic, they wouldn't spend the entirety of their deadline day transfer offer on his employment.

 

[TSB]

John Guidetti

 

[TSB]

Yaya Toure (top job by The Sun)