Lord Bracknell
On fire
Overheard telephone dialogue between Man City and Milan superstar Kaka. Unfortunately only the script from the City end is available, but it gives us a good clue about the total content:
"Hello, is that Kaka? How do you fancy becoming the supply line to Craig
Bellamy and Darius Vassell this winter?
"No, your fellow countryman doesn’t like the cold and will be out until mid
April - but you will play alongside Stephen Ireland"
"No, Kaka, Ireland is a person not a country"
"yes, I fully appreciate that he is not Ronaldinho, Pirlo or even Beckham
but many fans have him in their fantasy football"
"I know you are currently the richest man in Italy but we can double it!"
"erm, well, we have had a bit of a slide recently and we are currently
15th"
"erm, out of 20...... but Mark Hughes once won the double for our
neighbours"
"Hughes"
"Ex Blackburn boss"
"Blackburn, Blackburn Rovers"
"No, Blackburn......Black.....Burn"
"HUGHES man, HUGHES!!!"
"He once scored a good goal against Spain"
"No, thats Gerry Armstrong..... anyway, are you coming or not?"
"Usually about two thirds full but if we play a big team its really rocks"
"yes I know, but we dont even have a car park cos all the fans walk to the
ground they are so local"
"Relevance? well, I suppose its all they have to brag about whether its
true or not"
"Only the one to be fair but its called 'blue moon' you will love it"
"Blue"
"yes, definitely blue, always has been"
"No, no, no, they are in Trafford"
"yes they are, steeped in it in fact but what good is history to you my
ambitious friend?"
"erm, 1976 I think"
"it was the er, the er League cup if memory serves me right"
"Well, the plan was to get in the top 4 this season and then....."
"yes, I realise that but....."
"Aston Villa? Whats it got to do with them?"
"Yes, I know but we have been down this history route already"
"How the heck does a Brazilian playing in Italy know about Nottingham
Forest?"
"Yes, yes, and Leeds United also made a final but you are missing my point,
this is all about the future"
"Give me strength......HUGHES!!!!"
"yes I know he did and he was a legend there but he is a changed man"
"forget them, they are falling apart"
"But all those trophies were won last year! They have won nothing in 2009"
"I have told you.... 1976!!!!"
"How the heck does a Brazilian playing in Italy know that Virginia Wade has
won Wimbledon since then?"
"Yes she probably is in her 60's"
"I dont know, probably about 10 league titles, 2 european cups and
countless domestic cups what has that got to do with it?"
"76,000 why?"
"yes, every game, even minor cups I suppose, but where is this getting us?"
"Yes, the league cup is considered a minor cup over here why?"
"I know, I know, I know, ok perhaps they won the FA Cup in 1970 or
something does it really matter?"
"look, Kaka, we will treble whatever you are on now, buy you a mansion in
Alderley Edge and give you a helicopter for your front lawn....are you
joining us?"
"NO!, its owned by the council - what has the ground got to do with
anything"
"well, officially its the city of manchester stadium but most people call
it Eastlands"
"EAST!, not Waste"
"You will be adored there"
"No, not there, here I meant"
"No, thats Old Trafford, I meant adored here at Waste....erm, Eastlands"
"Anderson? what does he know?"
"Ok I hear what you say, but other than Pride, Ambition, Achievement,
History, Passion and a large car park - what can they offer you?"
"what do you mean no credit left in your phone.....I phoned you"
"Hello, Mr Kaka,...... Mr Kaka are you
there?............................YOU RED B*ST*RD!!!!!"
"Hello, is that Kaka? How do you fancy becoming the supply line to Craig
Bellamy and Darius Vassell this winter?
"No, your fellow countryman doesn’t like the cold and will be out until mid
April - but you will play alongside Stephen Ireland"
"No, Kaka, Ireland is a person not a country"
"yes, I fully appreciate that he is not Ronaldinho, Pirlo or even Beckham
but many fans have him in their fantasy football"
"I know you are currently the richest man in Italy but we can double it!"
"erm, well, we have had a bit of a slide recently and we are currently
15th"
"erm, out of 20...... but Mark Hughes once won the double for our
neighbours"
"Hughes"
"Ex Blackburn boss"
"Blackburn, Blackburn Rovers"
"No, Blackburn......Black.....Burn"
"HUGHES man, HUGHES!!!"
"He once scored a good goal against Spain"
"No, thats Gerry Armstrong..... anyway, are you coming or not?"
"Usually about two thirds full but if we play a big team its really rocks"
"yes I know, but we dont even have a car park cos all the fans walk to the
ground they are so local"
"Relevance? well, I suppose its all they have to brag about whether its
true or not"
"Only the one to be fair but its called 'blue moon' you will love it"
"Blue"
"yes, definitely blue, always has been"
"No, no, no, they are in Trafford"
"yes they are, steeped in it in fact but what good is history to you my
ambitious friend?"
"erm, 1976 I think"
"it was the er, the er League cup if memory serves me right"
"Well, the plan was to get in the top 4 this season and then....."
"yes, I realise that but....."
"Aston Villa? Whats it got to do with them?"
"Yes, I know but we have been down this history route already"
"How the heck does a Brazilian playing in Italy know about Nottingham
Forest?"
"Yes, yes, and Leeds United also made a final but you are missing my point,
this is all about the future"
"Give me strength......HUGHES!!!!"
"yes I know he did and he was a legend there but he is a changed man"
"forget them, they are falling apart"
"But all those trophies were won last year! They have won nothing in 2009"
"I have told you.... 1976!!!!"
"How the heck does a Brazilian playing in Italy know that Virginia Wade has
won Wimbledon since then?"
"Yes she probably is in her 60's"
"I dont know, probably about 10 league titles, 2 european cups and
countless domestic cups what has that got to do with it?"
"76,000 why?"
"yes, every game, even minor cups I suppose, but where is this getting us?"
"Yes, the league cup is considered a minor cup over here why?"
"I know, I know, I know, ok perhaps they won the FA Cup in 1970 or
something does it really matter?"
"look, Kaka, we will treble whatever you are on now, buy you a mansion in
Alderley Edge and give you a helicopter for your front lawn....are you
joining us?"
"NO!, its owned by the council - what has the ground got to do with
anything"
"well, officially its the city of manchester stadium but most people call
it Eastlands"
"EAST!, not Waste"
"You will be adored there"
"No, not there, here I meant"
"No, thats Old Trafford, I meant adored here at Waste....erm, Eastlands"
"Anderson? what does he know?"
"Ok I hear what you say, but other than Pride, Ambition, Achievement,
History, Passion and a large car park - what can they offer you?"
"what do you mean no credit left in your phone.....I phoned you"
"Hello, Mr Kaka,...... Mr Kaka are you
there?............................YOU RED B*ST*RD!!!!!"
