[Football] Parental advice needed for a father of a 14 year old ref.

[Peacehaven Wild Kids]

How do I play this? My 14 year old refereeing son has just left the field of play virtually in tears after receiving shit loads of criticism from both coaches this morning in a kids match.

Do I a) get him to dust himself down, encourage him to take it on the chin, tell him how he’s doing a great job under difficult circumstances (I.e working with 2 unqualified sometimes bias linos) and remind him how proud we are of him while still learning his trade doing an important role in a game he loves, and teach him the value of toughening up and taking the rough with the smooth.

or

b) email the league and tell them to shove it up their arses, it’s not worth the fuckin aggro.?

I’m 56 years old I’m seriously learning towards option b)

Is option a) a better choice?

Thanks in advance

 

[Stat Brother]

What the fudge is wrong with people.
Bin it off and write the strongest letter possible including exact quotes to FA, Argus and media.

 

[Jam The Man]

You should absolutely contact the officials at the league and submit a full report as to what’s happened today.

The coaches should be ashamed and they shouldn’t be allowed to get away with treating a child in that position in that way.

I hope it doesn’t dissuade your lad.

 

[Neville's Breakfast]

How do I play this? My 14 year old refereeing son has just left the field of play virtually in tears after receiving shit loads of criticism from both coaches this morning in a kids match.

Do I a) get him to dust himself down, encourage him to take it on the chin, tell him how he’s doing a great job under difficult circumstances (I.e working with 2 unqualified sometimes bias linos) and remind him how proud we are of him while still learning his trade doing an important role in a game he loves, and teach him the value of toughening up and taking the rough with the smooth.

or

b) email the league and tell them to shove it up their arses, it’s not worth the fuckin aggro.?

I’m 56 years old I’m seriously learning towards option b)

Is option a) a better choice?

Thanks in advance

Option b) is the better choice. Football fans and those involved in the game do not deserve referees.

 

[Algernon]

I'd suggest you have a talk with him but leave out taking the rough with the smooth instead telling him it's something he's likely to have to deal with regularly.
Tell him you're going to contact the league and do so.
Let him see their reply.

Then let your Son decide.

 

[LANGDON SEAGULL]

How do I play this? My 14 year old refereeing son has just left the field of play virtually in tears after receiving shit loads of criticism from both coaches this morning in a kids match.

Do I a) get him to dust himself down, encourage him to take it on the chin, tell him how he’s doing a great job under difficult circumstances (I.e working with 2 unqualified sometimes bias linos) and remind him how proud we are of him while still learning his trade doing an important role in a game he loves, and teach him the value of toughening up and taking the rough with the smooth.

or

b) email the league and tell them to shove it up their arses, it’s not worth the fuckin aggro.?

I’m 56 years old I’m seriously learning towards option b)

Is option a) a better choice?

Thanks in advance

I certainly would encourage your boy to continue otherwise the bullies have won.

Firstly , is there any possibility of getting witness statements as to what happened, and secondly 100% email the league officials and county FA as what happened constitutes a breach of safeguarding. I would also talk to other refs and clubs in the league to see whether there is a pattern of this happening with the clubs he reffed today.

And fully encourage your son to continue

 

[Billy the Fish]

It's not binary, I'd say a bit of both.

 

[Yes Chef]

A mixture of both I would say, email and complain to the league but utilise the unfortunately early life lesson for him that a lot of people are fuckwits.
Hopefully this doesn't dissuade your lad from doing an important role that presumably he has previously enjoyed

 

[NEASTGULL]

As a former Referee (albeit Sunday parks football and 30 years or so ago!), I would suggest something in between - If the coaches have overstepped the mark (which from your post they clearly have) then they should definitely be reported to the league, otherwise next week it will be happening to another ref - and there is safeguarding to be considered, not just for the referees but the players as well.

If your son chooses option A then he is letting the "bullies" win and may lose out on an enjoyable referring career.

It may be worth taking a few days to consider whether your son wants to keep refereeing - If he does then fantastic, if not then take option B but please don't let him make a rash decision which he may regret later.

In any event please ensure that a detailed disciplinary report is logged with the league.

 

[Bry Nylon]

Adult coaches of Sunday football kids’ teams bullying a 14 year old?

What sad, little, inadequate men they must be.

 

[seagullwedgee]

I hope the young lad stays strong, that must be very tough. Hopefully someone has some smart-phone video and audio evidence to submit with your report to the league. If not, get some next time. Good luck to the young lad, persevere.

By no means the same, but I’ve umpired cricket to a fairly high level for 22+ seasons, and I’ve taken a lot of abuse and feedback (not in the same league as footie, I admit) but it took me years to be able to learn to lock it all away, and convince myself I had done a good job. I was on several leagues independent panels, and I was fortunate to umpire a friendly international under full ICC ODI conditions, and I’m proud to say that when players turn up, they genuinely appreciate it’s me officiating, because they know it will be a level contest where the players can determine the outcome with confidence. Good luck to the lad, keep him strong, but take the formal route also with objective evidence.

 

[Chicken Run]

Adult coaches of Sunday football kids’ teams bullying a 14 year old?

What sad, little, inadequate men they must be.

Living their dream of being PL coaches through children, all of them are muppets!

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

How do I play this? My 14 year old refereeing son has just left the field of play virtually in tears after receiving shit loads of criticism from both coaches this morning in a kids match.

Do I a) get him to dust himself down, encourage him to take it on the chin, tell him how he’s doing a great job under difficult circumstances (I.e working with 2 unqualified sometimes bias linos) and remind him how proud we are of him while still learning his trade doing an important role in a game he loves, and teach him the value of toughening up and taking the rough with the smooth.

or

b) email the league and tell them to shove it up their arses, it’s not worth the fuckin aggro.?

I’m 56 years old I’m seriously learning towards option b)

Is option a) a better choice?

Thanks in advance

Report both of those coaches living out their pathetic inadequancies through kids. Make them apologise in person for being c*nts on this occasion, and probably many other occasions also

 

[Baldseagull]

Depends, was the criticism fair, but upsetting to hear, or were they abusive?
If he has enjoyed reffing to date but just had a bad day, I would encourage him to continue. I would write to the FA either way and describe what happened, either asking for advice on how to manage these situations, or complain about the abuse.
It is always going to be a role where you will get some criticism and a bit if anger directed at you from time to time though, from players at least, so if he wants to carry on, he is going to have to learn to not take it to heart, and let the coaches know he will card them or abandon the game if he feels threatened.

 

[BNthree]

How do I play this? My 14 year old refereeing son has just left the field of play virtually in tears after receiving shit loads of criticism from both coaches this morning in a kids match.

Do I a) get him to dust himself down, encourage him to take it on the chin, tell him how he’s doing a great job under difficult circumstances (I.e working with 2 unqualified sometimes bias linos) and remind him how proud we are of him while still learning his trade doing an important role in a game he loves, and teach him the value of toughening up and taking the rough with the smooth.

or

b) email the league and tell them to shove it up their arses, it’s not worth the fuckin aggro.?

I’m 56 years old I’m seriously learning towards option b)

Is option a) a better choice?

Thanks in advance

A bit of both. If he wants to referee he will get grief. However too much is unacceptable and the league should know.

 

[SteveU]

What does he want to do?

If he’s had enough and doesn’t enjoy it, jack it in.

 

[Krafty]

How do I play this? My 14 year old refereeing son has just left the field of play virtually in tears after receiving shit loads of criticism from both coaches this morning in a kids match.

Report the abuse, it shouldn't be tolerated.

Grown adults constantly bullying a 14-year-old because of a football match is disgusting behaviour IMO.

 

[Chicken Run]

How do I play this? My 14 year old refereeing son has just left the field of play virtually in tears after receiving shit loads of criticism from both coaches this morning in a kids match.

Do I a) get him to dust himself down, encourage him to take it on the chin, tell him how he’s doing a great job under difficult circumstances (I.e working with 2 unqualified sometimes bias linos) and remind him how proud we are of him while still learning his trade doing an important role in a game he loves, and teach him the value of toughening up and taking the rough with the smooth.

or

b) email the league and tell them to shove it up their arses, it’s not worth the fuckin aggro.?

I’m 56 years old I’m seriously learning towards option b)

Is option a) a better choice?

Thanks in advance

Btw I admire you for not getting involved assuming you were there ?

 

[Peacehaven Wild Kids]

Thank you for your replies so far.

I sort of posted in anger, I feel better now for getting it off my chest.

The boy seems fine now, singing to himself while on the Xbox.

Truth is I don’t know what occurred, I tend not to watch too much of the match as I don’t want to put extra pressure on him, I went off with the dog and returned just as he blew and walked off in a state.

Reluctantly as I don’t want to wet nurse him I did challenge the worse one of the two coaches and in fairness he was quite apologetic and I think a bit embarrassed when I highlighted his age (he does look older than he is)

One possibility, on reflection, is my lad can be quite sensitive but as a father I just want him to enjoy what he’s doing.

It could also be a case that I don’t get it. I’ve never been really competitive, as much as I love the Albion I often just “accept it” when we lose.
I don’t understand U13 matches being treated like the World Cup final

I’ve encouraged my son to be honest and detailed with his match report and to email the league with details and how he feels about it.

In conclusion I don’t want anyone tarred and feathered, What I do want is a situation where at this level, the referee’s decision is final and a mistake is accepted as such. Is that too much to ask?

Thanks again everyone.

 

[Peacehaven Wild Kids]

Btw I admire you for not getting involved assuming you were there ?

See above, I did challenge one coach but I did remain calm and measured