[Sussex] Overly Jovial Train Announcements

[See-Goals]

This thread touches me. There is a Scottish OBS frequently on The 5:40pm East Croydon to Lewes train who has this 'witty' badly rehearsed script she rolls off every time which is the ultimate cringe. You can literally FEEL the carriage shrink in on itself.

On the flipside there is a conductor who has the voice of a 1950's British tv broadcaster with a very dry sense of humour with perfect pauses and timing with his delivery. "We are now approaching........GATWICK airport..........change here for.........the rest of the world" !

 

[SB005]

I was coming back from London late one night last year and as wr were leaving blackfriars (i think), a man held the doors open, hanging half on the train, half off....while his wife made her way...refusing to run.....the voice then came over the tannoy saying 'due to a passenger infingement, we may be delayed'.......he then commented on it at every stop until i got off....the last one i heard was...'we are delayed because of the stupid man in the green jacket in carriage 8 holding the doors open at blackfriars......GROW UP'

Not great behaviour from 'the man in the green jacket'....but boy did he let the whole train now how he felt!!

 

[Mr Banana]

Virgin's toilet announcements are a harrowing indictment of the modern world, undoubtedly imagined by a chubby exec on a skiing holiday

 

[Guinness Boy]

You miserable sodding misery.

Yes. Yes I am.

 

[Lower West Stander]

This thread touches me. There is a Scottish OBS frequently on The 5:40pm East Croydon to Lewes train who has this 'witty' badly rehearsed script she rolls off every time which is the ultimate cringe. You can literally FEEL the carriage shrink in on itself.

On the flipside there is a conductor who has the voice of a 1950's British tv broadcaster with a very dry sense of humour with perfect pauses and timing with his delivery. "We are now approaching........GATWICK airport..........change here for.........the rest of the world" !

She does my line as well across to Barnham.

Always jokes about Subways and how you can’t buy a sandwich in a Subway at the station. It wasn’t funny the first time.....

We have another new one who insists on talking after we pull out of every station. She goes through the stations but doesn’t stop there, we get toilet details, ticket details, weather forecasts.....

In fact there have been occasions she has been on the announcer constantly between stations. Only to start from the beginning when we get to the next station.


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[Brovion]

TBH when I used to commute by train (and unless they re-open the Lewes-Uckfield line I hope those days are behind me) I didn't so much mind the funny announcements (and I loved Rasta Man at Victoria tube), but what used to REALLY piss me off were the guards/supervisors/door operators/whatever who would insist on repeating everything that the automatic voice said. Not adding anything to it, just repeating the same information. Again. And again. And again. AGGGH!

 

[astralavi]

another Russian bot sowing discord

 

[DavidRyder]

On the tube this morning, the platform announcer sounded like he was working on the dodgems at a fair. I guess it must get boring saying the same thing every 2 minutes tho!

 

[Monkey Man]

No problem with train crew injecting a bit of humour into their announcements. What annoys me more is the sheer volume of announcements. On some journeys it seems like there's a non-stop tannoy urging you to make sure you take all personal belongings with you, to report suspicious objects, informing you which carriage you're in, etc etc. No wonder people turn up their headphones so loud.

 

[Brovion]

No problem with train crew injecting a bit of humour into their announcements. What annoys me more is the sheer volume of announcements. On some journeys it seems like there's a non-stop tannoy urging you to make sure you take all personal belongings with you, to report suspicious objects, informing you which carriage you're in, etc etc. No wonder people turn up their headphones so loud.

Oh indeed. And at every station they repeat it "for the benefit of customers who've just joined the train". As you say it's non-stop. And a note to train companies: nobody deliberately leaves their possessions on a train. We don't need to be reminded to take our possessions with us, we KNOW! Nobody thinks "Oh wow I was going to leave my coat behind, but that announcement has made me change my mind." Constant announcements don't stop people forgetting, and yes I have left stuff on a train, the announcements didn't make an iota of difference.

As Gwylan said earlier, you don't get it on the bus.

 

[NooBHA]

I’d actually applaud that. Like the stewardess on Air New Zealand who told a mate’s flight “welcome to Wellington, please set your watch back 20 years”


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That's an absolute Belter. I love it - I am gonna use that one on Saturday when I meet up with my mate from Manchester and guess what city I am gonna replace Wellington with ?

 

[A1X]

No problem with the actual people (although not being a daily rail commuter I'm maybe not subjected to the full force of it). However those stupid automated announcements in train toilets of "Don't flush goldfish or your ex's sweater down this toilet" got old VERY quickly.

 

[Perry Milkins]

There was a legendary station manager at PP, French chappie.

Had a delightful way of pronouncing Horley as "oooaaarrrly".

 

[pearl]

There was a cow on the line outside Lewes one morning and the announcement from the guard went something like 'We'll be stuck here for a short while, either that or we'll all be having a BBQ

Quite often the auto ones are completely fvcked up ... approaching Brighton ..... 'the next stop is Newhaven Town, alight here for the transmarche ferry crossing to Dieppe'

 

[thedonkeycentrehalf]

There was an OBS on the Arun valley line last year who I liked because he made everything sound like a threat. I was pleased when he came through to check tickets to find that his physique matched his voice - , he was a big so and so who you wouldn't want to mess with!