OMG! Meeting Archer - post your message to him here:

[portlock seagull]

Had this email from a mad Sunderland fan friend of mine. I've trained him well as you can read, but perhaps you'd like to post a message on this thread and he can pass it on:

Have a confession to make....A good friend and colleague is to be the house guest of Bill Archer this weekend at his country pile near Kirkby Lonsdale. She had no idea about his past at all!! Turns out her new boyfriend is best buddies with Archers son. Anyway she's a bit daunted by the prospect of spending the weekend at the multi millionaire mansion, so I've given her a few pointers on how to engage the lord of the manor in polite after dinner conversation - how about "Do you still get along to many Brighton home games?" as an opener!! Unfortunately she says she will not be available to work for you as a suicide bomber and she has little practical knowledge when it comes to the use of poisons. Obviously if it was me I'd shit on his doorstep before leaving!
Small world eh? Hope all is well and will catch up soon.

My message will be blunt and to the point: "tell him he's a **** and note that's with a captital 'C'"

 

[Scotty Mac]

i think id vomit in his face

 

[smudge]

Leave a copy of "Build a Bonfire" in his shithouse.

 

[fatbadger]

This is almost too easy.

She could always refuse to step into any part of the house paid for with money gained through asset-stripping community organisations. When he asks what she means, she can just say 'Brighton and Hove Albion, you f***ing ****'.

 

[Starry]

Bill Archer this weekend at his country pile near Kirkby Lonsdale

do all the morons live there? dear old peter ridsdale is a fellow resident.

 

[Basil Fawlty]

Hi Bill, Hi wife. BANG! (As she pulls out a shotgun from underneath her blouse.)

 

[Giraffe]

Once over the freshhold, a quick head butt, one finger salute and "thats for taking away the Goldstone you spineless ****"

 

[Screaming J]

Nick an Estate Agents 'For Sale' sign, plant it in his front garden, and add the price £56.25 underneath.

 

[Vankleek Hill Seagull]

Nick an Estate Agents 'For Sale' sign, plant it in his front garden, and add the price £56.25 underneath.

Ooooo.... Good One. I like that idea.

 

[portlock seagull]

That "for sale" sign's a brilliant idea!!!

 

[The Clown of Pevensey Bay]

I know someone who, in her much younger days, used to go out with Archer's son, and insists he (Archer senior) was a very nice man. I obviously refuse to believe her.

Anyway. I'd go in and say: "Hello Bill, is that really you? I didn't recognise you without the eyepatch."

 

[Muhammad - I’m hard - Bruce Lee]

Nick an Estate Agents 'For Sale' sign, plant it in his front garden, and add the price £56.25 underneath.

nice

 

[Easy 10]

Hello Bill.
For less than a price of a decent meal out, you once bought a football club that at the time was almost a hundred years old, and had given joy, pleasure, pride and heartache to generations of football fans across Sussex. Those fans were made up of people, family and friends, thousands of whom had a focal point in the community for meeting up and enjoying not just the trials, tribulations and fortunes of the team, but also of each other. many of those folk would never have met nor never have known each other unless it was for the Albion. many of those people would have been on first name terms only, and would never have known their terrace companions outside of the Goldstone Ground, but there those stronge friendships were forged, over years, and there they met, week in-week out, for decades and decades on end. That is, until YOU arrived.

You sold the Goldstone Ground. You displaced those thousands of people at a stroke. To get your grubby hands on a pot full of cash, you wiped out four generations of history and took away a football clubs future. No thanks to you, that football club has somehow survived your wanton destruction, but has paid heavily for it through the loss of its home, the majority of its surviving fanbase, and the loss of a complete generation of football fans.

How many friendships and acquaintences were broken as a result of your actions ? How many people who had known each other for years just drifted apart after you sold the ground ? How many friendships that COULD have been forged at that old ground in Hove simply did not happen as a direct result of your greed ? How many kids have never felt the joy and excitement of going to a football ground and standing on the terraces with their mates, as countless thousands did over the previous hundred-or-so years before your arrival ?

The Albion will never fully recover from what you did to it, Bill. And its fans will never forget. I just think you should know that.

 

[Barrel of Fun]

Beautiful.

I was going to suggest placing some rollmops or fish substances strategically around the house.

 

[Everest]

Just say what you mean, Easy.

Give him a spade and tell him "it's for your grave, DIY. DIG IT YOURSELF!"

 

[Barry Izbak]

Hello Bill, any news on the date for your funeral ? only you will remember I did promise to try to get along. I'm free all next week.

 

[D'Angelo Saxon]

Fill a glass jar to the brim with cheap chicken fillets and milk. Screw the top on tight, and hide it somewhere in the Archer mansion where it won't be found for a while (shouldn't be too hard), preferably warm - back of a cupboard/wardrobe etc. Give it a month or so, it should have rotted enough to crack the jar and release the most hideous stink which is nearly impossible to get rid of... Simple.

 

[hans kraay fan club]

Hello Bill.
For less than a price of a decent meal out, you once bought a football club that at the time was almost a hundred years old, and had given joy, pleasure, pride and heartache to generations of football fans across Sussex. Those fans were made up of people, family and friends, thousands of whom had a focal point in the community for meeting up and enjoying not just the trials, tribulations and fortunes of the team, but also of each other. many of those folk would never have met nor never have known each other unless it was for the Albion. many of those people would have been on first name terms only, and would never have known their terrace companions outside of the Goldstone Ground, but there those stronge friendships were forged, over years, and there they met, week in-week out, for decades and decades on end. That is, until YOU arrived.

You sold the Goldstone Ground. You displaced those thousands of people at a stroke. To get your grubby hands on a pot full of cash, you wiped out four generations of history and took away a football clubs future. No thanks to you, that football club has somehow survived your wanton destruction, but has paid heavily for it through the loss of its home, the majority of its surviving fanbase, and the loss of a complete generation of football fans.

How many friendships and acquaintences were broken as a result of your actions ? How many people who had known each other for years just drifted apart after you sold the ground ? How many friendships that COULD have been forged at that old ground in Hove simply did not happen as a direct result of your greed ? How many kids have never felt the joy and excitement of going to a football ground and standing on the terraces with their mates, as countless thousands did over the previous hundred-or-so years before your arrival ?

The Albion will never fully recover from what you did to it, Bill. And its fans will never forget. I just think you should know that.

All fine words Easy.

Do you think she'll be able to remember all that though?

 

[Dave the OAP]

I would just mention that I have alot of Brighton and Hove Albion friends are they are very happy that after many years of trying they have finally been given permission for a new stadium. I would then ask him what he did with the £22 million the Goldstone site was resold for. I would point at his house and say " what part of the house did the money go on" " was it this fireplace, or the swimming pool, or thebentley in the drive"

 

[eastlondonseagull]

Take a dump in his sink.

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