[Misc] Older Dads

[Hudson Hawk]

I was 36 and 41 when I had my kids.

Just do as you do. No one really bats an eyelid. Certainly no stigma attached to it .

And even if there is I'm of an age where I couldn't give a crap what others think anyway.

Enjoy being a dad again. Although the night feeds and lack of sleep was definitely harder for my second being a bit older.

Similar to my outlook. I am 50 next year and my kids is 7. OK maybe i wish i was a bit fitter running around the playground but apart from that i agree, couldn't give a toss what anyone else thinks and she makes me smile every day!

 

[peterward]

Found out quite recently that I am expecting my second child, all going well he/she will arrive a few months after my 41st birthday.

Genuinely didn't think i'd have the chance again at 40 and am over the moon but naturally a bit worried about being the older Dad in the playground. My Dad was 45 when he had me and it definitely bothered him more than it did me!

Any other 'older' Dad's out there have any tips or experiences?

Was 42 when son born. The energy levels are hard to keep up with! but there's benefits too as id guess many an older dad may have a bit more wisdom.

Bigger worry is possibly in not what you can control, your parenting skills etc, but that which you can't control, the ever madder world your precious new child will inhabit.

Congratulations to you, mum and sibling.

Witnessing pregnancy is definitley one of the things that makes you think "thank f*** I'm a bloke"!!

 

[DJ NOBO]

41 isn’t old to be a dad.
If you have another one at 51 then feel free to bounce the thread

 

[keaton]

Daughter's almost 4 and I'm in my mid40s. Most parents at nursery seem to be 35-45.

Only issues I'd say is my back isn't great anymore at lifting children in and out of bed and since I hit 40 I definitely feel worse after a crap night's sleep

 

[deletebeepbeepbeep]

This thread gives me hope, my partner wants to start trying at 41, she is 8 years younger.

 

[cjd]

You kids make me smile....

 

[Goldstone1976]

41 isn’t old to be a dad.
If you have another one at 51 then feel free to bounce the thread

I’m 60, and have an 8-month old. As well as others aged 32, 30, and 27 (years, not months).

Same dad, different mother.

Absolutely loving it this time round; very different experience, and, for me, mostly better.

 

[chickens]

It’s brilliant, you get the opportunity to be comically poor at sports days, I (in my case) had lost some of my youthful insecurities and didn’t mind being very much among the almost rans, while at the front you got people being WAY too competitive.

The first 2-3 years are the toughest, it’s amazing how the mind forgets sleepless nights, teething, toilet training and all the developmental milestones that come along. A baby’s ability to projectile vomit should not be underestimated either.

At the same time your other half is going to be going through the post birth recovery process and will also need lots of support, in the first twelve months especially. Do share the night shifts, get the other half to express milk in advance if you’re willing/able to go down that road. It’s knackering but there’s a certain magical quality to it, there’s definitely a type of bonding that happens in those times.

My remaining insecurities and concerns come if I dwell too long on the future, e.g. will I get to see him grow up? That’s in the lap of the gods and not worth wasting time worrying about.

I also used to ask (and now have answers for):

Will he only ever think of me as an old man? (Yes)

Will he be able to outrun me and laugh at me for being slow and old? (Yes, from age 6 onward)

Will he continue to assume as he gets ever older, taller and heavier that I can still lift him effortlessly and spin him round at speed, and that he can climb up me and jump onto my shoulders at any point without warning? (Yes)

The best advice I can offer you, is get the number of a good chiropractor, insure everything for accidental damage, and enjoy. It is absolutely worth it, even when they’re at their absolute worst.

 

[rebel51]

I've got a 10 year old and 5 year old, I was 42 and 49. Bloody hard work but does also make me look after myself. I just feel sorry for my wife putting up with me for so long. 1 with autism and other with that probably also.

 

[Chicken Run]

Found out quite recently that I am expecting my second child, all going well he/she will arrive a few months after my 41st birthday.

Genuinely didn't think i'd have the chance again at 40 and am over the moon but naturally a bit worried about being the older Dad in the playground. My Dad was 45 when he had me and it definitely bothered him more than it did me!

Any other 'older' Dad's out there have any tips or experiences?

There’s loads of older dads who had children in the 20’s then the inevitable divorce comes calling, then you meet your second wife who doesn’t have children and you have a couple more in your 40’s all no problem, for the record I remain a younger dad, I’m 54 and my eldest is 30, I didn’t provide my second wife with children as when she saw how hard it can be as a parent she announced’Not for me clive’

 

[DJ NOBO]

I was 42 and 45 when my two came along.
I would have had them earlier but circumstances didn’t allow.
My tip to older dads - give up booze if you want to be able to put more energy into being a good dad.
Also, your kids won’t care about your age.
In fact I say that but yesterday my eldest said “dad, you’re going to die before mummy because you’re 48 and she’s 41”. Thanks for that !!

 

[pb21]

I'm 40 and just had my/our first 4-weeks ago now, already been watching matches on TV together!

 

[The Grockle]

It’s brilliant, you get the opportunity to be comically poor at sports days, I (in my case) had lost some of my youthful insecurities and didn’t mind being very much among the almost rans, while at the front you got people being WAY too competitive.

The first 2-3 years are the toughest, it’s amazing how the mind forgets sleepless nights, teething, toilet training and all the developmental milestones that come along. A baby’s ability to projectile vomit should not be underestimated either.

At the same time your other half is going to be going through the post birth recovery process and will also need lots of support, in the first twelve months especially. Do share the night shifts, get the other half to express milk in advance if you’re willing/able to go down that road. It’s knackering but there’s a certain magical quality to it, there’s definitely a type of bonding that happens in those times.

My remaining insecurities and concerns come if I dwell too long on the future, e.g. will I get to see him grow up? That’s in the lap of the gods and not worth wasting time worrying about.

I also used to ask (and now have answers for):

Will he only ever think of me as an old man? (Yes)

Will he be able to outrun me and laugh at me for being slow and old? (Yes, from age 6 onward)

Will he continue to assume as he gets ever older, taller and heavier that I can still lift him effortlessly and spin him round at speed, and that he can climb up me and jump onto my shoulders at any point without warning? (Yes)

The best advice I can offer you, is get the number of a good chiropractor, insure everything for accidental damage, and enjoy. It is absolutely worth it, even when they’re at their absolute worst.

Some great tips there, thank you!

 

[Greg Bobkin]

I'm not sure if it was the intention, but this is a really heart-warming and uplifting thread! We were 'young' parents (first baby at 26), but also oldER parents (last one (of three) at 36). That's pretty full on but it definitely keeps you young (even through, as a 45yo, I FEEL way older than that sometimes.

Congrats to the OP and props to all the other 'old' Dads out there!

 

[Comrade Sam]

Was 42 when son born. The energy levels are hard to keep up with! but there's benefits too as id guess many an older dad may have a bit more wisdom.

Bigger worry is possibly in not what you can control, your parenting skills etc, but that which you can't control, the ever madder world your precious new child will inhabit.

Congratulations to you, mum and sibling.

Witnessing pregnancy is definitley one of the things that makes you think "thank f*** I'm a bloke"!!

I believe if men gave birth, the history of humanity wouldn't have made it to the second birth.
First a Dad at 39. I feel that whilst young parents have more energy, older parents are phased by little. My wife had already seen the world and had a house and stable jobs, we could afford anything the kids needed and didn't resent the time together we lost. However, stopped giving piggy backs earlier.

 

[WATFORD zero]

36 & 38 when we had our two. Being a bit more emotionally mature with a house and being more financially comfortable made a huge difference. The very idea of me being a parent in my early 20s still horrifies me to this day, and I (and we) had years and years of selfish fun before we had kids

 

[BN41Albion]

Found out quite recently that I am expecting my second child, all going well he/she will arrive a few months after my 41st birthday.

Genuinely didn't think i'd have the chance again at 40 and am over the moon but naturally a bit worried about being the older Dad in the playground. My Dad was 45 when he had me and it definitely bothered him more than it did me!

Any other 'older' Dad's out there have any tips or experiences?

These days mid-late 30s/early 40s seems more standard than 20s or early 30s to me - 2 young'uns here late 30s and lots of mates same/similar age just having kids or have young kids. Not many mates at all had kids in 20s or early 30s

 

[DJ NOBO]

36 & 38 when we had our two. Being a bit more emotionally mature with a house and being more financially comfortable made a huge difference. The very idea of me being a parent in my early 20s still horrifies me to this day, and I (and we) had years and years of selfish fun before we had kids

IMHO that is the ideal age to have kids.
You’ve still got something in your locker but have enjoyed a good amount of years without responsibility of kids

 

[Greenbag50]

36 and 38….. don’t worry about it….. you can share all that experience and knowledge gained in life before kids…. Very valuable!
Never had a problem with either, watched both of their activities growing up with other parents,….. embrace it!

 

[GT49er]

49 when my youngest arrived. Beware of junior school sports days in the pupils vs. parents events. Despite a spectacular time by a 60 year old in the 80M sprint, I was rated nowhere at all, even though I pointed out the discrepancy of comparing my time with the other dads, all 20 or 30 somethings, probably still playing Sunday morning football/rugby or similar.
Still, I hadn't planned on entering it - wasn't even sure I could do an 80M sprint - but the expression on my eleven year old daughter's face when I surged past her five yards from the tape, having finally got into top gear, was absolutely priceless!