Objective Analysis Of Football Chants

[KZNSeagull]

"XXXXX is a sh12hole, I want to go home"

Would anyone REALLY waste their time and money like that? At least wait until the end of the match.

 

[banjo]

You're to ugly to be gay. Not true, theres someone out there for everyone.

 

[Thunder Bolt]

"Oh we're going up and we'll win the cup for Sussex by the sea" - I know they aren't the correct words, but are the ones most sung!

Which cup are we going to win, was it the Sussex Royal Ulster Rifles Charity Cup - which we won in both 1959/60 and 1960/61?

Are you sure about that?

 

[Colossal Squid]

At number one was Peter Ward, at number two was Peter Ward, at number three was Peter Ward....

Except I can find no evidence of him ever starting in goal, nor in fact of him ever donning a shirt that didn't have an 8 or a 9 on it

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Michel Kuipers was NEVER employed in the Dutch Marine Corps in a catering capacity.

 

[AWAYDAY]

"Who are yer?" I've literally never been to a game and not known who we are playing!

 

[Colossal Squid]

Apparently Posh Spice doesn't even know who Gary Hart is

 

[Colossal Squid]

I've never known anyone be given a lift home by an ambulance. They have tended to be used for trips to hospitals

 

[AWAYDAY]

It wasn't a particularly long way to run from the Goldstone to the station. I'd say about 10 minutes at a light jog.

 

[Titanic]

I'm pretty sure that the vast majority of referees are not illegitimate... although they probably are wankers!

 

[Greg Bobkin]

Unless anyone has got access to his medical records, I think it's difficult to prove that 'Stevie' Coppell has got – or has ever had*- venereal disease.

 

[darkwolf666]

Are you sure about that?

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Yep, they're not cups, they are trophies - you didn't dig out the pictures of the Charity Shield winning team either - I guess as that's not a cup either, but a shield

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Managers do not get sacked in the morning following a defeat. There's an HR process to go through first.

 

[studio150]

We pay your benefits

Um not all Albion fans will be paying tax or NI and not all fans from the other team will be receiving benefits.
Even where they are its unknown where our tax payments go other than into a big pot to be redistributed

 

[dazzer6666]

CMS was never really 'scoring goals for fun', and spent more time chasing the ball after a poor first touch than he did 'chasing down defenders'

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

McGhee drinking pints of whisky.....although that might be true

[MENTION=46]Lush[/MENTION] may be able to verify...

 

[Grassman]

My old man said 'Be a Palace fan', he patently did not do this nor would I have ever replied with 'Fxxk off, boxxocks, you're a cxxt!', purely on a self preservation agenda.

Exactly. This is what comes immediately to mind when this is sung. My old man was a Brighton fan, why the f*ck would he tell me to be a Palace fan? Utter nonsense.

 

[marlowe]

"Go left, go left. Go left right left, go left go left go pick up your step...."
Firstly never had the foggiest idea what this was about. It appeared to come out of nowhere circa 1976. Are they specific directions to an actual destination? If so where?
Secondly, if you take three left turns in a row as the chant suggests, then surely you'd be ending up back where you started from. There must be a more logical route to where ever we're giving directions to.

 

[Blackadder]

We pay your benefits

Um not all Albion fans will be paying tax or NI and not all fans from the other team will be receiving benefits.
Even where they are its unknown where our tax payments go other than into a big pot to be redistributed

On the flip side, I currently work for a local council and we DO pay people's Housing Benefits! (not from our own pockets obviously).

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

We forgot that you were here.

REALLY?

Do we sing that to any other tourists who are only here for the nightlife?

And if so, why?