NSC Approach to football should be replicted in day to day lives

[Digweeds Trousers]

Reading some of the ahem 'interesting' comments over the last few weeks I think we should apply the NSC approach to football to our every day lives.

Firstly - I am recruiting sales people for the software company i work for. I think that rather than offer them a contract or salary subject to a successful interview and background checks I will now:

Tell them that if they do not write $9million of software license sales in their first three weeks in the job then they will be fired.

Rather than take on very promising sales people in their mid - late 20's i will try and offer the highest performer from Oracle a job.

Despite the fact that he is on $300k a year base salary and on OTE of $700,000 I will offer him a position on $80k per year and be very surprised when he doesnt join.

I will have my parents esnt of to a Swiss clinic because they are of a certain age and therefore shit and no good to society or anyone for that matter.

I will also go to my boss in the US and tell him that SAP are going to buy us, Oracle are going bust and that we are going to %700 of our annual number in the next 43 minutes.

We're not - but reality, truth and sensible expectation have no f***ing place in the world we all live in.

Any other suggestions where the NSC approach could add value to our mundane boring lives?

 

[Couldn't Be Hyypia]

superb!

 

[KneeOn]

8.5/10!

 

[sparkie]

Don't forget when you are recruiting that if you make someone an offer, and they don't immediately accept, you should 'get bored' and look elsewhere..

 

[Lord Bamber]

Also Kevin Phillips will be signing soon!

 

[bhaexpress]

Don't forget when you are recruiting that if you make someone an offer, and they don't immediately accept, you should 'get bored' and look elsewhere..

Supposed they string you along as does their current employer ?

 

[bhaexpress]

Don't forget when you are recruiting that if you make someone an offer, and they don't immediately accept, you should 'get bored' and look elsewhere..

Supposed they string you along as does their current employer ?

 

[Billy the Fish]

If you can't find the right candidate you're looking for, either because the applicants weren't good enough or the ones who were good enough were outside of your budget range - everyone has the right to get pissed off with you and say you weren't trying hard enough.

Why didn't you try harder DT you cock

 

[Trufflehound]

Andrei Kanchelskis is training in my shed as we speak.

 

[Digweeds Trousers]

Excellent - ooooooh I've got another one.

When our CEO is over in a few weeks time I will get the whole of the UK sales team and developers and everyone to boo when he comes onto the stage to give his key-note speech.

We will all sing 'You don't know what you're doing' safe in the knowledge that the board will fire him.

Then we will all expect the board to find someone that we suggest regardless of the fact that none of us know what he was asked to do, what the board were saying to him and what his package was.

We will also then call the board members ourselves and tell that although we dont actually invest any of our salaries into the company we are in a much better position to say who should be hired.

And with the caveat that once we decide they're no good then they get fired as well.

I will ask our most useless under-performer in EMEA to stand up and speak for 20 minutes about irrelevant, useless information about his home life and why no-one will have sex with him. This will clearly be better than going through an end of fical year business review and of far more interest to the audience.

 

[The Large One]

We can get staff to recommend new employees, irrespective of their suitability.

We can also get customers to beg a former employee to come back, even though they were thoroughly disruptive, but have since mumbled a half-baked 'sorry' for joining a rival and publicly slagging the firm off.

 

[Digweeds Trousers]

We can get staff to recommend new employees, irrespective of their suitability.

We can also get customers to beg a former employee to come back, even though they were thoroughly disruptive, but have since mumbled a half-baked 'sorry' for joining a rival and publicly slagging the firm off.

cant believe that i missed this!!

 

[Gus Poyet's inner FLAIR]

I find that I place heavy EMPHASIS on certain WORDS when I'm talking.
I think this MIGHT have something to do with NSC.

 

[Theatre of Trees]

Also if two prospective employees apply for the job if one is called Smith and the other is called something Spanish or Italian always go for the latter.

 

[Icy Gull]

If things aren't going too well at the company, it would seem reasonable to stand outside the office en masse and chant "sack the board" and "build a bonfire" at the directors as they arrive

 

[MikeySmall]

Certain shareholders are still complaining about the old CEO even though he saved the company from extinction and made the current buoyant situation possible.

 

[KneeOn]

Two products that the company can use with good effect is the wrong way to do things, and at any one time, one product must be wank, sold, destroyed and shat upon, and the other reveared as the second coming of jesus. Until the good one cocks up. Then it swaps.

 

[house your seagull]

i'm going to go to a really rubbish cinema ... scrap that, the WORST cinema, and pay £25 to watch a few actors i quite like in an ultimately shite movie with an underwhelming finish.

i will do this without any rational motive.

 

[house your seagull]

i will go to a fishmongers and spout endless human-based puns.

 

[The Large One]

Someone at work will shout ad nauseum with as much pride as possible about some vile act they've perpetrated on a colleague, then when rounded on by others, will flatly deny they ever did it, and will blame anyone wearing a certain type of open-toed footwear for the victim's circumstances.