NSC applications for the vacant post...

[wunt be druv]

I could do it,I am a qualified F.A. trained coach,was and in fact,still am, really good at Subbuteo football and what's more,I will tell Bloom,Barber and co. to sell chips and Worcester Sauce crisps in the catering outlets or I too will be off at the end of the season.

 

[DNB_Seagull]

Does anyone feel they have the necessary credentials?

Post your application here...

I'm sure Tony will be reading the forum.

He already rides trains with fans so... maybe.

 

[akipling]

My CV

This season I won the 'Seagulls In The Prem' league and finished 6th in the 'North Stand Chat Official' league at fantasy football. I'm a ruthless manager who made 31 transfers and if you don't score, make assists of keep clean sheets then you are dropped. More often than not play a 3-4-3 formation but am not afraid to revert to plan b being 4-3-3.

When do I start?

 

[The Grockle]

Fans complain about only playing one up front calling for two, I'll change the clubs fortunes by playing four up front, also if fans worry about the manager not applauding the fans (heros) after the game I'll go all out and perform a pole dance wearing nothing but the head of gully's seagull suit.

 

[Mackenzie]

I think I'd be a bit too Neil Warnock for you guys, so for that reason I'm ruling myself out.....although if you enjoy watching 11 psychopaths kicking the shit out of the opposition (result of secondary importance to the violence) then vote for Mack.

 

[dingodan]

Attack Attack Attack

Score as many as you want

We'll score more

Aaaatttttaaaaacccckkk!!!!!!!!

 

[Hiney]

Dear Mr Bloom,

I am writing to apply for the job as Manager of Brighton and Hove Albion Football Club. Despite being a fan of the club, I believe my experience will enable me to run the playing side of the operation with objectivity.

In respect of my credentials to manage the club, I can point to a number of years experience at managing teams at all levels.

From 1993 to 1996, I was first player-manager, then manager, of Bracklesham Football Club in the West Sussex League. I led the club to victory in the 1996 Chichester Charity Cup but more importantly, developed a strong team ethic and togetherness, due to a number of highly successful curry nights, preceded by pub crawls around Chichester. I had a previous time as a player at the club in the late 70s and early 80s and knew how important it was to have a squad of players who bonded off, as well as on, the pitch.

Latterly, I have enjoyed considerable success on Football Manager, guiding Bognor Regis Town to Champions League success and two successive Premier League titles. This led to me being given an opportunity to manage Hiney FC on the highly prestigious 'Top Eleven Football Manager'. I have taken the team from the lower echelons of the pyramid to level eight in just 9 (virtual) seasons. I have done this with a prudent use of funds, coupled with a transfer policy built around a commitment to youth, allied to the use of a number of experienced heads in key positions throughout the team.

I have had full responsibity for team affairs, as well as overseeing all construction projects relating to the club. We have moved from a park pitch to a State of the art 43,000 capacity stadium, with facilities approved for Champions League fixtures. Our Academy provides the first team with a steady flow of talented youngsters and our medical facilities are the envy of the league. We have also recently opened a museum facility that brings in significant additional income to the club.

My responsibility for team affairs includes the management of a transfer budget in excess of £200million. I designed, delivered and executed a transfer policy that revolves around the recruitment of talented youngsters in the 18 to 25 year old age range. Many of my incoming transfers have gone on enjoy a successful career with not only Hiney FC, but with other clubs after being transferred out. I am not afraid to make decisions that are for the benefit of the club.

This season alone, I am currently showing a net profit of £19million. Although some £66milion has been spent in transfer fees, I have recouped over half this sum from sales. We currently lie 2nd in the level 8 table, are also 2nd in our Champions League group and are well-placed to progress to success in both competitions.

I feel the role as Head Coach at The Albion is a fantastic opportunity for me to progress my career, whilst at the same time delivering success on the pitch, as well as a blueprint for excellence on the non-playing side. The opening of the club's new Academy in the summer, will provide a brilliant opportunity for me to put my skills into practice, in a more competitive and testing environment.

My affinity with the fans of every club I have worked for, gives me a great insight into what is needed at Brighton & Hove Albion. I believe the fans are the lifeblood of the club and I am totally committed to delivering success on the pitch, as well as pies, pints and unrivalled banter on the concourses. I have an experienced team to bring with me, providing an unparalleled depth of experience of all aspects of player management, training and conditioning. This includes the World-renowned Life Coach Dr Jamie Van der Westhuizen, responsible for the rise in fortunes of a number of prominent players at all levels of the game. I will also be able to draw on the expertise of conditioning coach Brett Mendoza, as well as nutritional guru Scott McCarthy, responsible for the hugely successful launch of the worldwide phenomena, the 'Strongbow and Chips muscle-building programme'.

If you employ me, I will guarantee 100% commitment, 100% enthusiasm and above all, 100% passion, from all my players and staff. We would lay down our lives for Brighton & Hove Albion Football Club and the fans.

We will not let you down.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Kind regards

Ian Hine

 

[JamesAndTheGiantHead]

I was the best in my class at ISS '98 on N64 during middle school.

All the best,
James (Giant Head Coach)

 

[SweatyMexican]

Football manager achievements:

Got AFC Uckfield promoted the Prem

Got San Marino (club side) promoted to Serie A playing in the champions league.

Tried to complete the pentagon challenge, but got bored halfway through and gave up.

-------------------------------------------------------------------


I think I'm quite an experienced candidate, with a plethora of knowledge and expertise to help Brighton achieve their goals.

Where do I sign?

 

[Sussex on Leith]

Dear Mr Bloom,

I am writing to apply for the job as Manager of Brighton and Hove Albion Football Club. Despite being a fan of the club, I believe my experience will enable me to run the playing side of the operation with objectivity.

In respect of my credentials to manage the club, I can point to a number of years experience at managing teams at all levels.

From 1993 to 1996, I was first player-manager, then manager, of Bracklesham Football Club in the West Sussex League. I led the club to victory in the 1996 Chichester Charity Cup but more importantly, developed a strong team ethic and togetherness, due to a number of highly successful curry nights, preceded by pub crawls around Chichester. I had a previous time as a player at the club in the late 70s and early 80s and knew how important it was to have a squad of players who bonded off, as well as on, the pitch.

Latterly, I have enjoyed considerable success on Football Manager, guiding Bognor Regis Town to Champions League success and two successive Premier League titles. This led to me being given an opportunity to manage Hiney FC on the highly prestigious 'Top Eleven Football Manager'. I have taken the team from the lower echelons of the pyramid to level eight in just 9 (virtual) seasons. I have done this with a prudent use of funds, coupled with a transfer policy built around a commitment to youth, allied to the use of a number of experienced heads in key positions throughout the team.

I have had full responsibity for team affairs, as well as overseeing all construction projects relating to the club. We have moved from a park pitch to a State of the art 43,000 capacity stadium, with facilities approved for Champions League fixtures. Our Academy provides the first team with a steady flow of talented youngsters and our medical facilities are the envy of the league. We have also recently opened a museum facility that brings in significant additional income to the club.

My responsibility for team affairs includes the management of a transfer budget in excess of £200million. I designed, delivered and executed a transfer policy that revolves around the recruitment of talented youngsters in the 18 to 25 year old age range. Many of my incoming transfers have gone on enjoy a successful career with not only Hiney FC, but with other clubs after being transferred out. I am not afraid to make decisions that are for the benefit of the club.

This season alone, I am currently showing a net profit of £19million. Although some £66milion has been spent in transfer fees, I have recouped over half this sum from sales. We currently lie 2nd in the level 8 table, are also 2nd in our Champions League group and are well-placed to progress to success in both competitions.

I feel the role as Head Coach at The Albion is a fantastic opportunity for me to progress my career, whilst at the same time delivering success on the pitch, as well as a blueprint for excellence on the non-playing side. The opening of the club's new Academy in the summer, will provide a brilliant opportunity for me to put my skills into practice, in a more competitive and testing environment.

My affinity with the fans of every club I have worked for, gives me a great insight into what is needed at Brighton & Hove Albion. I believe the fans are the lifeblood of the club and I am totally committed to delivering success on the pitch, as well as pies, pints and unrivalled banter on the concourses. I have an experienced team to bring with me, providing an unparalleled depth of experience of all aspects of player management, training and conditioning. This includes the World-renowned Life Coach Dr Jamie Van der Westhuizen, responsible for the rise in fortunes of a number of prominent players at all levels of the game. I will also be able to draw on the expertise of conditioning coach Brett Mendoza, as well as nutritional guru Scott McCarthy, responsible for the hugely successful launch of the worldwide phenomena, the 'Strongbow and Chips muscle-building programme'.

If you employ me, I will guarantee 100% commitment, 100% enthusiasm and above all, 100% passion, from all my players and staff. We would lay down our lives for Brighton & Hove Albion Football Club and the fans.

We will not let you down.

I look forward to hearing from you.

Kind regards

Ian Hine

An unarguable case. Though you neglected to mention:

1. Appearing on the big screen at Reading as we secured our play-off place, as well as appearing several times in the crowd at the same time; and
2. Being Pope.

 

[TomandJerry]

My CV:

Lots of arm waving on the sideline.

Will punch Adkins in the face.

Play two upfront.

Cheaper beer for everyone.

Will make Tony bloom move our vocal support next to the away fans, also making that area all standing.

Will ban Tony Pulis from the ground.

 

[Triggaaar]

I'm cheap.

 

[Rugrat]

I can work on a tight budget. Last Xmas, I cooked for 6 people with only £17.26 in the kitty.

I am good leader. I currently run a team of 4 lotto card collectors, 2 of which we have loaned from the next village along as Mr & Mrs Tripethorpe have long term illnesses.

I have tactical nouse. I park my Austin Allegro across the entrance to my driveway so that nobody blocks us in.

I am also, PREMIER LEAGUE READY

I'll vote for you if:

a) you can fix the transport issues
b) somehow manage to prize Harley back from wherever he is
c) kiss and make up with Agustien as he's obviously the answer to all our problems
d) spend half the transfer budget on making a proper path through the woods at the top of Bennets field
e) sort out my insomnia

Simples?

 

[Hyperion]

I'll vote for you if:

a) you can fix the transport issues
b) somehow manage to prize Harley back from wherever he is
c) kiss and make up with Agustien as he's obviously the answer to all our problems
d) spend half the transfer budget on making a proper path through the woods at the top of Bennets field
e) sort out my insomnia

Simples?

Easy. Done deal

 

[Rugrat]

Easy. Done deal

sake, you're an insomniac too .... support withdrawn!

 

[Hyperion]

sake, you're an insomniac too .... support withdrawn!

No, I am up early to get to the training ground to get a feel of the place

 

[Rugrat]

No, I am up early to get to the training ground to get a feel of the place

Can you stop off at Travis Perkins and get an idea on costs for the path?

 

[Hyperion]

Can you stop off at Travis Perkins and get an idea on costs for the path?

Brick, slab, stone or gravel? ........or Tarmac if you're common

 

[Rugrat]

Brick, slab, stone or gravel? ........or Tarmac if you're common

You're the boss! But you'll need to run it by PB as were at the limits of FFP. (Or maybe get the path sponsored?)

 

[skipper734]

I'm cheap.

These are the best and only qualifications needed.