[Humour] Nicknames That Make You Chuckle

[Guinness Boy]

A girl who worked in our team was, let’s just say generous with her favours, acquired the name Miss Martini - as in “anytime, any place, anywhere.”

Similarly I remember [MENTION=238]Uncle Buck[/MENTION] telling me about a colleague nicknamed "Magnolia" because she went with anything.

 

[RossyG]

I worked at a place where the guy working the scanner bore a passing resemblance to Sir Anthony Hopkins.

Yep, you guessed it... he was called Scannibal Lecter.

 

[Barnet Seagull]

One of my best mates is called 80% Dave.

He used to give everything he did 100% (so was nicknamed 100% Dave) but he had an illness and had to have a bit of his kidney removed.

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[Moshe Gariani]

On a related, and equally fascinating note, Mrs G commented during the Burnley match that the current Albion players use their forenames to call to each other ("Neal", "Solly", "Dan", "Ben", "Yves", "Adam", etc) rather than any nicknames...

I imagine that "Dunky" must be the exception to this rule.

 

[Smirko]

Went to school with a lad called Leslie, pretty unusual at that time, needless to say his nickname was Benny!

 

[Whitley Bayster]

One of my mates at Uni was called Spadey as he had broken nose that turned one way and his chin went the other. It looked like he'd hit himself in the face with a spade. Not the best looking fella

 

[Giraffe]

In my first office job, there was a secretary of a certain age who had clearly spent her life tanning in the sun and on a sun bed and now it was starting to tell. Brown and wrinkly, so we called her walnut, secretly.

One year for secret santa, someone got her a bag of walnuts, she loudly shouted "ooh my favourites". Oh how we laughed.

 

[RossyG]

The best man at my brother’s wedding had three nipples a la Scaramanga in The Man With the Golden Gun. At school he was sometimes referred to as Triple Nipple.

Amazing how enduring some nicknames can be. There was a boy at my school who, in the first year of high school, was caught in the newsagent nicking a tube of Polo mints. In the sixth form, he was still addressed as Polo.

And when we were about 9, a boy joined our class, transferring from a London school called the Grange. He was immediately dubbed Tucker. Aged 16 in his final year at school he was called Tucker. Aged 30, when I had a look at Friends Reunited he was still called Tucker. Probably still is today. I remember at school, his kid sister even called him Tucker. I wonder if his parents did.

There was also a boy called Johnny that was dubbed Rubber. Even the PE teachers called him Rubber.

 

[Saladpack Seagull]

One of my colleagues in Army Resettlement had a habit of ending every phone call with "Bless you" after we'd agreed to do whatever he was phoning up about. He was ringing from a South London location and we called him The Bishop of Southwark.

 

[Goldstone1976]

If we're doing school nicknames... there was a chap nicknamed Acid - partly due to his initials (HCL) and partly due to his recreational activities. Another needed no nickname at all; his name was John Thomas (who would do that to their kid?).

Separately, I have a mate who made a plane(-ish) to compete in the 'jump off the pier and see how far you can fly' competition. He's been known ever since as Brick.

 

[Deportivo Seagull]

A naval airman (chock head for those in the trade) was known as ‘Torchy’ because he would flash up at the slightest provocation.

Alternatively another lad was known as ‘Storms or Stormy’ because he simply refused to get wound up by anything.

Another lad was known as ‘Hoover’ because he would hoover up any beers that had it been finished at the end of the night.

An MILF at Gatwick airport where I worked before joining up was known as Marge because her legs spread like margarine.


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[herecomesaregular]

On a related, and equally fascinating note, Mrs G commented during the Burnley match that the current Albion players use their forenames to call to each other ("Neal", "Solly", "Dan", "Ben", "Yves", "Adam", etc) rather than any nicknames...

I imagine that "Dunky" must be the exception to this rule.

The modern world, and in particular it's PC-ness, has probably killed off nicknames? Not saying whether this is a good or bad thing, mind.

 

[Bedsex]

I used to work with a guy with the nickname shadow. He earned this sobriquet on a rugby tour to Amsterdam; one evening he and his team mates went to watch a live show. He went into a booth, dropped his trousers and knocked one out. Afterwards his team mates were in hysterics as the booth he was in was back lit and everyone could see everything he was doing in silhouette.

 

[Guinness Boy]

On a related, and equally fascinating note, Mrs G commented during the Burnley match that the current Albion players use their forenames to call to each other ("Neal", "Solly", "Dan", "Ben", "Yves", "Adam", etc) rather than any nicknames...

I imagine that "Dunky" must be the exception to this rule.

On a similar note, when I was in my late teens we all drank around Brighton Station after home games and ended up meeting a lot of other fans who were regulars in the pubs round there. One group we met were all older than us and had been going home and away for years (we met them in the late 80s). To a man they all had nicknames, one of them, known to pretty much everyone who follows us regularly had two main nicknames and a couple of subsidiary ones.

Most of the people I go with now and/or meet for a pint afterwards use first names.

Odd, innit.

 

[Rambo]

We had a guy at work who was nicknamed ‘sausage fingers’ because well er...

 

[Gabbafella]

A few old mates names used to make me chuckle.
Kid called Neil was called Juice-bag Jim as he always had slimy lips.
Kelly only had one tit so was called chicken fillet as she used a fake boob in her bra.
Dave had a birthmark on his face so was called poo head.
My old next door neighbour shat his pants one day so was called skiddies after that.
Kid called Martin had a skin complaint so was called cornflake.

These were all known to the people involved before you all think I'm an evil ****.

 

[Brother Sid]

used to work with a bloke called Alvin, who was a carpenter. He was known as Alvin Sawdust

 

[zefarelly]

One of my first jobs, the boss was called Wing nut on account of his generous lug holes.

 

[Jahooli]

Fella at work with a very pronounced cleft chin was told by the canteen lady to "keep yer hair on Bollock chops" he was known as Chopsy from then on, also one of my mates was nicknamed Skeeter, his surname was Moss.

 

[Seagull58]

My ex-Navy mate told us about a wren on board his vessel who was the plaything of the marines on board , often several at a time. She was known as "airtight".