[Misc] My wife threatened me with

[Herr Tubthumper]

oozing slab of Burwash Rose

Sounds more like something you’d pick up from a night with the local bike.

 

[Grassman]

Genuine story. I had a bit of a tumultuous relationship with my old man growing up, particularly in the months leading up to me finally moving out when I was 18. On one particular occasion, he came home on his lunch break to find me undressed and rolling a joint in the living room (I always smoked 'em outside).

An argument ensued and culminated in him properly losing his shít and beginning to throw the contents of the kitchen fruit bowl at me - there were literally apples and pears flying everywhere. I successfully managed to dodge everything with the exception of a piece of flesh from the banana he was eating at the time, which caught me square on the eyeball, which was surprisingly painful.

This caused me some temporary sight loss which required me to wear an eye patch for a couple of weeks. Bad enough in itself, but compounded by the fact that a few months earlier one of my mates had very sadly permanently lost the use of his eye in a hit and run accident in which he was nearly killed, and had been forced to wear an eye patch himself. Naturally, everyone thought I was taking the píss, and it didn't go down well.

"How did you hurt your eye then, you dickhead?"

"Erm, my dad hit me in the eye with a banana."

You probably had to be there, but my life in those crazy days was very surreal.

A genuine I shouldn’t laugh but......

 

[Cpt. Spavil]

I like smoked cheese.

I have had bonfire smoked cheese and it is very nice

 

[Shropshire Seagull]

This all sounds like a big hard-cheese story to me ....

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Sounds like a feta worse than death

 

[Martlet]

Getting board now.

 

[Sussexscots]

Maybe she'd like something with a strong blue vein running through it. There's Stil tons of puns left.

Albeit they're not as runny as they used to be.

 

[Herr Tubthumper]

Is “........staying” the answer?

 

[PTC Gull]

Wouldn't have happened in Allgäu. Could have been worse...you might of Spundekäs it all up Bruder Basil. These are all for Herr Tubthumper!

 

[Pavilionaire]

An Austrian smoked cheese last week. She held it like a dagger and snarled at me over something ( don’t ask me what)

It's "Goodnight Vienna" for you.

Sounds like she camembert it any longer.

 

[banjo]

I bet before the attack you were fondue her.

 

[METALMICKY]

Never mind cheese assault it's the fresh fruit attack you need to watch out for!

 

[hart's shirt]

My wife threatened me with an Austrian smoked cheese last week.

You probably shouldn't have responded by offering her a packet of Jacob's with the comment, "Your crackers".

And since she chose Austrian cheese over Swiss, she's clearly struggling with her emmental health.

 

[Birdie Boy]

Did she wake up Brighton blue this morning or was she a bit fondue the weather?

 

[bhafc99]

As long as she doesn’t Dairyleave you for another guy, it’ll be ok.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Good thread this. I'm grinning like a Cheshire cat.

 

[Hampster Gull]

Wouldn't have happened in Allgäu. Could have been worse...you might of Spundekäs it all up Bruder Basil. These are all for Herr Tubthumper!

Cheasy for you to say

 

[Poojah]

Never mind cheese assault it's the fresh fruit attack you need to watch out for!

If only I'd seen this sixteen years ago.