[Humour] 'My KFC Career Started Today' aka 'The Wedding Zinger'

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

If this doesn't cheer you up, nothing will. Possibly the funniest set of threads never to make it into NSC Gold.

For the uninitiated, this is an epic tale of Drama! Romance! Intrigue! Mini fillets! featuring erstwhile NSC legend Kev The Ape, and documents his short but explosive career at KFC in Hove. This magnificent volume comes in, if memory serves, five or six chapters, with a stupendous accompanying bonus story book at the end.

If you've got a bit of time on your hands (and let's face it who doesn't now) would be grand if someone could track down and post below - in sequential order please! - links to the complete works for the enjoyment of all.

Here's Chapter 1 to get you started

Chapter 1: My KFC Career Started Today

https://nortr3nixy.nimpr.uk/showthread.php?83188-My-KFC-Career-Started-Today

 

[stewart12]

kev was a very good value poster

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Chapter 2: Wedding Zinger Part Deux

https://nortr3nixy.nimpr.uk/showthread.php?83276-Wedding-Zinger-Part-Deux

 

[pearl]

I'm saving this for when things get really sh*t

 

[Cheshire Cat]

These threads are what got me hooked by NSC originally.

Marvellous scenes.

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Anybody able to track down Chapter 3? I've got Chapter 4 good to go, courtesy of google, but don't want to post the link out of sequence. If the NSC search facility was worth a shit, it'd take me a matter of seconds. But it's not. If anybody can be arsed to do the hard graft of drilling down into August 2006 and digging out Chapter 3, then that would be most excelente. Cheers

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Blimey, it's like trying to piece together the Dead Sea Scrolls, trying to dig this out of the archives, but here's what I've managed to unearth since yesterday:

Chapter 4: Wedding Zinger Part Four (Rather Short)

https://nortr3nixy.nimpr.uk/showthread.php?84301-Wedding-Zinger-Part-Four-(Rather-Short)

Chapter 6: Wedding Zinger Part Six (The End)

https://nortr3nixy.nimpr.uk/showthread.php?84553-Wedding-Zinger-Part-Six-(The-End)

Which leaves only Parts Three and Five to be rediscovered. Plus the holy grail that is the special bonus feature, of which I can only find an oblique reference to 'Four Men And The Mayonnaise Mystery'


Further news as it happens

 

[WATFORD zero]

A couple of my NSC Gold favourites

From the man who knows everything about white goods, except how to use them

https://nortr3nixy.nimpr.uk/showthread.php?66479-the-thing-is

and I remember my PA coming into my office to see if I was alright because of the noises I was making and the tears streaming down my cheeks

NSC Family Fortunes

https://nortr3nixy.nimpr.uk/showthread.php?1516-NSC-Family-Fortunes

was that really 17 years ago ?

 

[Birdie Boy]

I've read 1 and 2, I'm gagging for 3, anyone found it?

Sent from my WAS-LX1A using Tapatalk

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Ladeez & Gentlemen, it is with enormous pleasure that I can now announce that the search is over! We have the complete works, courtesy of Google and the wonderful efforts of [MENTION=461]Mendoza[/MENTION] whose thought patterns appear to have been running along the same lines as mine, some dozen years ago.

May I present for your delectation...

This is how all books should be written. Kev, I salute you

Part One - My KFC Career Started Today

Part Two - Wedding Zinger Part Deux

Part 3 - Wedding Zinger Part Three (IS LOVE ON ITS WAY?)

Part 4 - Wedding Zinger Part Four (Rather Short)

Part 5 - Wedding Zinger Part Five (Is this the end?)

Part 6 - Wedding Zinger Part Six (The End)

Bonus part 7 - Four Men and the Mayonaise Mystery?!

Take an enormous BOW [MENTION=461]Mendoza[/MENTION]

 

[Gazwag]

Ladeez & Gentlemen, it is with enormous pleasure that I can now announce that the search is over! We have the complete works, courtesy of Google and the wonderful efforts of [MENTION=461]Mendoza[/MENTION] whose thought patterns appear to have been running along the same lines as mine, some dozen years ago.

May I present for your delectation...



Take an enormous BOW [MENTION=461]Mendoza[/MENTION]

For your next mission can you find Kev and his Mums trip to Falmer Village Pond which pre dated the KFC ones I'm sure but were just as good

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

For your next mission can you find Kev and his Mums trip to Falmer Village Pond which pre dated the KFC ones I'm sure but were just as good

Simple enough tap-in for the boy Hark, seeing as how that one's already in NSC Gold

https://nortr3nixy.nimpr.uk/showthread.php?34022-me-and-my-mum-nimby-village-visit

 

[Blackadder]

For your next mission can you find Kev and his Mums trip to Falmer Village Pond which pre dated the KFC ones I'm sure but were just as good

That one is my personal favourite.

 

[Gazwag]

Simple enough tap-in for the boy Hark, seeing as how that one's already in NSC Gold

https://nortr3nixy.nimpr.uk/showthread.php?34022-me-and-my-mum-nimby-village-visit

​

 

[Gazwag]

That one is my personal favourite.

It's always the man painting with the wooden leg

 

[The Antikythera Mechanism]

Kev’s post were always great. Had a sort of childish innocence about them, mixed with the longings of a randy teenager. The other old thread that had me in tears was the story of someone putting a dartboard up at home.I don’t think it was Kev, but it had a similar innocent hilarity.

 

[pearl]

Saving all this for lock down

 

[Tom Hark Preston Park]

Saving all this for lock down

Fair enough. Tho in true Amazon style, here's a sneaky peak taster from Chapter 1...

'Got up at 6:50 in the morning, watched a few programmes feeling rather nervous, but the cup of tea I had was nice warmed the cockles some what. Left for my new KFC career at 9:30, had a trip into Boundary road as where I'm situated obvious, went into Woolworths just to check my nerves, had a peak down the toy department but then I decided I better get in there.

I went into the unknown at aprroximately 9:55 AM, walked through the door and I was greeted with we are not open yet! I said I was here for my induction, so I walked up the counter still quite nervous and I asked to see the manager, he then saw me and then took me to the staff room to watch some videos on health & safety etc.

Feeling like a prat started to watch the first video when a women who is 19 and from Poland called Megan wandered in and sat next to me, we got on like a house on fire even though she has a boyfriend of three years, (Please don't ask me to say her name in Polish because I don't have a clue on how to pronounce it).

So I sitting next to Maggie as she called herself, we started chating and was watching videos together. (not Polish sexual videos) just work related videos.'

You truly, madly, deeply could not make this shit up. Kev, whether he ever knew it or not, was one of the funniest writers of his, or probably ANY generation

 

[stewart12]

"not Polish sexual videos"

gets me every time

 

[m@goo]

The chapter 4 thread is bloody hilarious.