[Help] More anxiety as i get older

[Stat Brother]

Same mileage i do

Oh - don't be like me, so instead:-

Talk to people

Brisk walk to the village.
Brisk walk the long way to the village.
Cycle to the next village.
Borrow a dog - believe me if you're inclined and you know of a dog, it's owners would be grateful if you took it for a spin.
More of this \/

Connecting with nature has helped me. I also love a walk up to cissbury ring with my 4 year old.

Life is hard... and i have it easier than most.

This is my best one.

I can (almost) literally punch myself in the face over this for days.
At some point when the darkest of dark oppressive, depressing storm clouds are over head, I'll look around 'my world' realise what it contains and then feel a thousand times worse.
I can't comprehend what I've got and I still feel almost 'mentally paralyzed' - If that makes sense.


[MENTION=473]Barnet Seagull[/MENTION] has made a good point re easily achievable daily goals, try you're hand at that.

I'll hazard a guess you have a fair few large, daunting jobs which are playing on your mind.
Try and get them in the back seat, while you do some little things, or try and break the big job down into x amount of different stages.



As said just try and do something I've become unable to do.

Failing that, lay down on the sofa and watch Wrath of Khan! (4OD, but only for the next 5 days!)

 

[Wardy's twin]

Propranolol is an odd drug for anxiety. It works entirely by reducing the physical symptoms such as a racing heart, sweating and shaking. It won't affect your thought processing. If only you could get yourself back into exercising (perhaps a new regime) it would be better. Propranolol will reduce your exercise tolerance, I should advise. Like several of the drugs for angina, it reduces chest pain, in part by making it hard to do vigorous exercise. That's not really what you need, I suspect.

Also, it takes a lot of effort to be worthless. I beat myself up over not doing enough for my son, for years. Later I realised that as long as you listen to them, try to be kind, and not be a shitter, you're doing a great job, and they're happy. When it comes to carefully mapping their path through life, that's really their job and yours is just to suggest anmd encourage. Superman is a character from a comic book

My best wishes.

I know when I first went to the GP suffering from anxiety he suggested betablockers and cutting down coffee and chocolate. I never picked the beta blockers up as he really did not understand the issue.

 

[Sheebo]

Wow what a fantastic honest and open thread. This is why the world IS a lot better these days. Loads of blokes (mainly) talking openly about mental health - brilliant. And a world that is more accepting than ever - so not all doom and gloom.

Think I’ve posted on here a few times of my struggles over the last 4.5 years or so and there’s still wounds that need healing and I still struggle with a number of things - bumping into the few people I simply don’t want to due to their actions is a huge one. Difficulties with small habits / addictions etc. It’s a hard slog at times this life. My kids keep me in a safe place luckily now.

To all those that are struggling, my inbox is always, always open. I’ve probably crossed views with a few of you over the years (sorry!) but nothing comes close to happiness and mental health. I’ve been there believe me - and scared myself shitless (and those I’m lucky enough to have around me). But they stick by me as I do them and that means the world.

The streets may not be everyone’s cup of tea - but please try to listen and appreciate the lyrics. If it resonates with one person on here, it’s worth posting.

Huge respect to you all x

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

I know when I first went to the GP suffering from anxiety he suggested betablockers and cutting down coffee and chocolate. I never picked the beta blockers up as he really did not understand the issue.

GPs.....I was diagnosed with diverticulosis 20 years ago, when it was actually lactose intolerance. Approximately 21,900 testy shits, and one heartwarming endoscopy later, I eventually got to the bottom of it.

The thing is that with anxiety or depression, first seek a cause. There often is one, especially anxiety. But this country does not fund therapists (who can diagnose and advise). We still use a medical model, by which I mean non specialist medics who pull out their NICE guidelines and prescribe drugs. This is shitehouse. If you can afford it, pay for private help. Drugs are short term for anxiety and even depression. If you can find the cause then you can find ways to outwit the beast.

My best wishes

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Wow what a fantastic honest and open thread. This is why the world IS a lot better these days. Loads of blokes (mainly) talking openly about mental health - brilliant. And a world that is more accepting than ever - so not all doom and gloom.

Think I’ve posted on here a few times of my struggles over the last 4.5 years or so and there’s still wounds that need healing and I still struggle with a number of things - bumping into the few people I simply don’t want to due to their actions is a huge one. Difficulties with small habits / addictions etc. It’s a hard slog at times this life. My kids keep me in a safe place luckily now.

To all those that are struggling, my inbox is always, always open. I’ve probably crossed views with a few of you over the years (sorry!) but nothing comes close to happiness and mental health. I’ve been there believe me - and scared myself shitless (and those I’m lucky enough to have around me). But they stick by me as I do them and that means the world.

The streets may not be everyone’s cup of tea - but please try to listen and appreciate the lyrics. If it resonates with one person on here, it’s worth posting.

Huge respect to you all x

Brilliant post. Superb track, too

 

[Beach Hut]

I went through a mini crisis mid 50s, totally bored of work and to paraphrase the great Bruce Springsteen work wise "I woke up in the morning and I ain't got nothing to say", but I was extremely lucky and could retire and I did.

Since retiring I can honestly say I have never been so at peace with myself, I exercise a lot, cycling and walking, read a lot and generally plan my days to be outside plus I now own a few house chores which is fine.

I think this pandemic has caused some serious issues for some however others have been lucky and have had a once in a lifetime opportunity to pause, think and be paid.

I can also fully appreciate a lot of the comments on here, my only advice is try always to think positive, analyse the situations you have and break them down, do things bit by bit it is easier.

 

[BrightonCottager]

Great thread.
I'm dreading having to go back into work to share an office with an annoying colleague. After a year plus of working at home I'd rather stay here and deal with the domestic tensions. Apart from 3 other boring old gits I've been meeting up with virtually all through lockdown I've not been anywhere or seem anyone almost apart from my immediate family and 87yo mum. I can't be arsed to go to visit friends in other parts of the UK or invite them. We went camping at the weekend with a group of my daughters friends and families and I managed to go straight to bed the first night and was forced by my better half to socialise the 2nd. I did find I could warm up a bit but it is so difficult.

I know I've been very lucky keeping a job and health through this but basically I preferred lockdown1 when we couldn't see anyone.

 

[SK1NT]

Wow what a fantastic honest and open thread. This is why the world IS a lot better these days. Loads of blokes (mainly) talking openly about mental health - brilliant. And a world that is more accepting than ever - so not all doom and gloom.

Think I’ve posted on here a few times of my struggles over the last 4.5 years or so and there’s still wounds that need healing and I still struggle with a number of things - bumping into the few people I simply don’t want to due to their actions is a huge one. Difficulties with small habits / addictions etc. It’s a hard slog at times this life. My kids keep me in a safe place luckily now.

To all those that are struggling, my inbox is always, always open. I’ve probably crossed views with a few of you over the years (sorry!) but nothing comes close to happiness and mental health. I’ve been there believe me - and scared myself shitless (and those I’m lucky enough to have around me). But they stick by me as I do them and that means the world.

The streets may not be everyone’s cup of tea - but please try to listen and appreciate the lyrics. If it resonates with one person on here, it’s worth posting.

Huge respect to you all x

Very good post. Glad you are getting better. A positive that there is hope for everyone x

I went through a mini crisis mid 50s, totally bored of work and to paraphrase the great Bruce Springsteen work wise "I woke up in the morning and I ain't got nothing to say", but I was extremely lucky and could retire and I did.

Since retiring I can honestly say I have never been so at peace with myself, I exercise a lot, cycling and walking, read a lot and generally plan my days to be outside plus I now own a few house chores which is fine.

I think this pandemic has caused some serious issues for some however others have been lucky and have had a once in a lifetime opportunity to pause, think and be paid.

I can also fully appreciate a lot of the comments on here, my only advice is try always to think positive, analyse the situations you have and break them down, do things bit by bit it is easier.

Sounds like your days are relaxed and stress free now. I genuinely think if i didn't work, i would be 75% better. I just can't afford to stop working for at least another 15/20 years, that thought alone can cause anxiety.

I know I've been very lucky keeping a job and health through this but basically I preferred lockdown1 when we couldn't see anyone.

That's how i feel. I enjoyed not seeing people, especially work colleagues. I did enjoy seeing a cpl of close friends for winter walks in the countryside and that was all i needed for my social sanity.

 

[marlowe]

..........I just can't fathom people not being nice. I think another reason for the anxieties is the constant feeling let down by humanity in many ways, but not in this thread at all......

As well as many of the other things that have been said on this thread, this in particular really resonates with me at the moment.

In my personal experience throughout my life and especially over the past five years I have been deeply affected, not just by the lack of humanity and care of people on a personal or social level whose only impetus and responsibility is a moral one, but more so by those in positions of responsibility, authority and power whose impetus and responsibility is not only driven by morality but also by professional ethics, duty, responsibility and public accountability, all of whom have failed miserably with respect to my own circumstances.

Because of the specific experiences I have gone through I have expected to be able to rely on certain systems to work in the preservation and protection of my legal and human rights, that being their remit concerning the public. None of them have which has left me with a deep sense of despair and disenfranchisement.

As a consequence my emotions go beyond the boundaries of anxiety, into feelings of almost constant and extreme rage, which occasionally expresses itself in ways I find hard to control.

As a consequence a couple of years ago, I was very briefly detained under the Mental Health Act during one of my "episodes". I say briefly because it was only a matter of a few hours.

After being taken to Mill View by the Police I was eventually assessed by a panel of two Psychiatrists and another mental health professional. In a calm and rational manner I told them the reasons for my anger and mental state, but I could tell they were looking at me dubiously as if they suspected that what I was telling them was driven by some deep psychosis and paranoia.

I was potentially looking at a period of enforced confinement within the Mental Health system. Fortunately they called my wife who confirmed that everything I had told them was true, whereupon they decided to release me almost immediately within an hour of my assessment.

I believe they must have decided that my anger and rage and its expression was a perfectly "normal" reaction to what I had experienced and was still experiencing.

This is the case for many of us. Our own "madness", which ever way it is expressed, is but a normal reaction to the madness which surrounds us, or which is inflicted upon us.

We all deal with the madness which the world inflicts on us on a personal level in different ways. We either fight it, accept it, seek help for it or run away from it. Unfortunately none of those options will necessarily provide an acceptable solution but for some people sometimes they do.

 

[bluenitsuj]

Today i started a new role which is a role i have strived for over the last 15 years, however i have zero excitement or drive to do it. I am feeling constantly anxious and chatting to people on cam is a real effort.I have to remind myself to smile and nod, and not to look so dead eyes and bored.

I have noticed that as i get older i really do not want to meet new people. I have a few friends that i have made over the years and am happy with that. I have also become very anxious about new environments and new people. I just want to stop working and live in the Sussex countryside away from people (just having friends stay over). Am i just turning into a Victor Meldrew or are others experiencing this as they age?

I feel comfortable posting these thoughts as NSC has been in my life for 20 years so feels comfortable to me.

What you have written is the exact way I feel. Agree 100%

 

[Uncle C]

When we are young we have little knowledge of how things work, so most decisions are base on a Cavalier attitude.

As we grow towards our later years, we experience all the shit that life can throw at us because in every situation there is opportunity for things to go badly wrong.

As a result, we become more risk averse and this shows itself in the human responses quoted.

 

[Notters]

GPs.....I was diagnosed with diverticulosis 20 years ago, when it was actually lactose intolerance. Approximately 21,900 testy shits, and one heartwarming endoscopy later, I eventually got to the bottom of it.

The thing is that with anxiety or depression, first seek a cause. There often is one, especially anxiety. But this country does not fund therapists (who can diagnose and advise). We still use a medical model, by which I mean non specialist medics who pull out their NICE guidelines and prescribe drugs. This is shitehouse. If you can afford it, pay for private help. Drugs are short term for anxiety and even depression. If you can find the cause then you can find ways to outwit the beast.

My best wishes

Slightly confused by the above - are you saying your anxiety was caused by lactose intolerance - or that it was solved by therapy?

Sorry to be nosey but could be relevant to a lot of people?

As a consequence my emotions go beyond the boundaries of anxiety, into feelings of almost constant and extreme rage, which occasionally expresses itself in ways I find hard to control.

Some on here may find the polyvagal podcast a good listen, there are hundreds of episodes.
It's all about the polyvagal system and getting stuck in flight or fight mode.

https://www.justinlmft.com/podcast

https://www.justinlmft.com/podcast/episode/2660616c/stuck-in-rumination-as-a-man

 

[Harry Wilson's tackle]

Slightly confused by the above - are you saying your anxiety was caused by lactose intolerance - or that it was solved by therapy?

Sorry to be nosey but could be relevant to a lot of people?

No worries.

My point was that GPs are the first port of call when you are ill, whether it be physical or mental illness, but they can get their diagnoses horribly wrong; in my case my undiagnosed lactose intolerance (and it would appear gluten intolerance too) almost forced me to retire because I could not commute to work (too many trains with no working khazi).

I suffered reactive depression 30 years ago and asked my GP for help. I got referred to a councellor, but first appointment was many months after my GP visit and I'd found ways of coping by then. I hope the system has improved now, but I doubt it.

There are two solutions - the first is keep going back to your GP till you get proper help. The other, sadly, is to go private. Because people feel they can't readily be helped many don't see a professional till they are close to being sectioned.

My food intolerance has nothing to do with my mental health, I was just using it to illustrate that GPs (and their even less expert nurse practitioner colleagues who, these days, see many patients in lieu of a GP) are the weak link in the health service, sadly - jacks of all trades, but....I had a problem with my foot a few years ago which developed a week after I trod on an upturned electrical plug that Mrs T had helpfully left on the bedroom floor. My GP practice assigned me to a nurse practitioner who diagnosed gout. Before you go on allopurinol (which is a harmless drug) you need to get rid of the inflammation. She prescribed colchicine. This battered my guts (this was before I'd self diagnosed the lactose issue) and made me very ill. I went back to the surgery and saw a GP. She was baffled by my injury but one other GP had a hobby interest in odd foot injuries, and she called him in, and he diagnosed a march fracture (which is essentially what it was) with the cure of rest (which worked). I mean, FFS! Colchicine

 

[Garry Nelson's teacher]

It might be worth having a quick look at this article. It's not a self help manual but it does put into some context why many of us languish in middle-aged lows. You are not alone and there are general grounds for optimism (unless, that is, you are literally behind the curve and have worse to come). It's difficult not to come across as a smug boomer, but this pattern seemed to reflect my own experiences to a large extent.

https://www.theguardian.com/science/head-quarters/2015/jun/24/life-happiness-curve-u-shaped-ageing

 

[Simster]

Just to say, as has been said before exercise really helps. I have been swimming 5 or 6 mornings a week for 2 months after my first exercise loves (football and running) have been taken away from me because of back issues. I disliked swimming until recently but in those 2 months I have improved dramatically and there is no better feeling for me than getting out of the pool after 30 minutes feeling lively, refreshed and with the whole day still in front of me.

Yesterday was a day off from swimming, and I was knackered after having my second covid jab so I was feeling melancholy when I wrote what I wrote. But when I've been swimming, I'm a different person.

 

[Brian Fantana]

The sudden onset of OCD for me during the early part of lockdown (bizarrely not germ-related) has really knocked me for six mentally over the past year or so. Secondary depression/severe anxiety is a very common side effect of having OCD, and that's definitely hit me hard. Standard things such as not enjoying hobbies/days out/activities that I used to really enjoy etc. I've been receiving private therapy, and also had an appointment with the top OCD specialist in the country, which has definitely given me an enormous amount of perspective into and knowledge of the condition. However, it's coming to terms with the fact that what I'm suffering from isn't something that is just going to go away overnight. It's likely something that will be with me for the long-term, which can sometimes make me feel REALLY down, so my focus is on trying to change my attitude towards it and life my life according to my rules rather than OCD's, But, like a lot of other things, that's a lot easier said than done.

That was a long way of saying you're definitely not alone, OP.

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

Another vote for swimming. Bit of a cliche but cold water swimming is fantastic for your MH and if you’re coastal why pay when you have the sea, which is a great temperature right now.

 

[Cheeky Monkey]

The sudden onset of OCD for me during the early part of lockdown (bizarrely not germ-related) has really knocked me for six mentally over the past year or so. Secondary depression/severe anxiety is a very common side effect of having OCD, and that's definitely hit me hard. Standard things such as not enjoying hobbies/days out/activities that I used to really enjoy etc. I've been receiving private therapy, and also had an appointment with the top OCD specialist in the country, which has definitely given me an enormous amount of perspective into and knowledge of the condition. However, it's coming to terms with the fact that what I'm suffering from isn't something that is just going to go away overnight. It's likely something that will be with me for the long-term, which can sometimes make me feel REALLY down, so my focus is on trying to change my attitude towards it and life my life according to my rules rather than OCD's, But, like a lot of other things, that's a lot easier said than done.

That was a long way of saying you're definitely not alone, OP.

OCD is rooted in low self esteem apparently. I only get it in relation to going to bed, never with anything else, i.e. the alarm clock can’t be on certain numbers like ‘unlucky’ 13 and various other stupid rituals the brain throws up, all driven by the threat of not being able to drop off if they aren’t adhered to. Laughable to some I appreciate, but often very disruptive to sleep.

 

[Brian Fantana]

OCD is rooted in low self esteem apparently. I only get it in relation to going to bed, never with anything else, i.e. the alarm clock can’t be on certain numbers like ‘unlucky’ 13 and various other stupid rituals the brain throws up, all driven by the threat of not being able to drop off if they aren’t adhered to. Laughable to some I appreciate, but often very disruptive to sleep.

It's certainly a very misunderstood condition. I knew very little about it before developing it, other than the standard stereotypes that you see on TV about excessive cleaning, or checking locks etc. You're exactly right to highlight the 'threat' element. All of those compulsive behaviours witnessed are driven by a fear of something, whether it be your health, your sanity, your sleep, the safety of you/your family etc. The crux of 'treatment' is to realise that it is the behaviours themselves that are actually keeping you locked in the OCD cycle. As counterintuitive as it is, the things you think will make you better are actually the things that make you a lot worse!

 

[Saladpack Seagull]

Agree. Exercise is a life saver, physically and mentally. I’d be lost without it. And for me, walking. Regular walks on the downs saved my sanity after my older brother literally dropped dead at aged 39 a few years ago. To this day I still do at least one good walk a week. I do my thinking a d rationalise my anxiety’s out on the hills. It’s my sanctuary.

Getting out into Nature is the biggest stress-buster going. I've retired now and am just rediscovering the mental health benefits of getting out on the Downs and walking as I used to do regularly as a young man but didn't do as much of due to work/family commitments. Now I am finding like-minded people to walk with and to help me get re-acquainted with Mother Nature before she finally takes me back! "Sanctuary" is a spot-on word to describe the amazing surroundings in which we in Sussex are lucky enough to live.